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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

  • Pittsburg, CA
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Melissa's Friends

  • judy

Melissa's Discussions

Safe Holiday Movies?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Rich Dec 14, 2019. 6 Replies

My family has a tradition of watching a holiday movie at this time of year. For obvious reasons, I don't want to watch anything focused on romance. And maybe not something that's so classic I've seen…Continue

Tags: request, movies, holidays

Support we need vs get

Started this discussion. Last reply by Elizabeth Dec 5, 2019. 11 Replies

Has anyone else had the experience of having someone in their life Really Most Sincerely Want To Help...but only if they can help the way they think you should want/need? I'm finding that I have a…Continue

Pagan and Widowed?

Started this discussion. Last reply by NoLongerInBergenJC Oct 10, 2019. 1 Reply

Wondering if there are other folks on here who are neo-pagan or something similar? Samhain (the holiday that's a precursor to Halloween) is coming up, and it's all about celebrating the ancestors and…Continue


Started this discussion. Last reply by chef (John) Jan 9. 7 Replies

The ones where I know something is wrong, or even that my beloved Skip is dead are bad. In the first few days after his death, I had one whopper of a night where I dreamed that I was frantically…Continue


Melissa's Page

Latest Activity

Melissa replied to Dee1960's discussion What to say, when well meaning friends tell you to "get over it"?
"Yikes Dee, I'm sorry to hear about your friend's response. I'm on the blunter end of these things, and would probably just outright tell someone that if they couldn't be supportive and kind when listening to me talk about my…"
Melissa replied to Alma's discussion The physical comfort
"I find myself hugging and cuddling with my friends more. (Or, you know, I did until COVID)."
Aug 27
Melissa replied to Dee1960's discussion Death Anniversary
"Today is my first deathiversary. I'm hoping to be distracted by work for most of the day, but am also holding space for my day to go any way I need in the moment. At least since I'm working from home due to coronavirus, I know that if I…"
Apr 2
Melissa replied to Tanne's discussion Getting your day structured
"Tanne, It sounds to me like you could benefit from a loose structure and some sort of master list (but that may be because I love lists, myself). Here's an example of the type of thing I mean: 8-9am, normal morning routine (grooming, coffee,…"
Mar 28
Melissa replied to Pooh898's discussion 365th Day Without You in the group Widowed in 2019
"Hey Pooh, I haven't hit my first deathiversary yet, but I hear it is one of the hardest days on, well, the grief calendar. I hope your pain has receded a little now. My own grief is ever-present, but I am finding that more often now it feels…"
Feb 23
Melissa replied to Dennis(not)theMenace's discussion I need stories of hope that show we can successfully find love again after loss- Please post how you found love again and how you are still doing as a new couple
"Dennis, this isn't quite the same, but I am poly. My two living partners have been a huge support through the loss of my third (primary) partner. This weekend, one of those partners is here for the long weekend to celebrate our…"
Feb 16
Melissa replied to SoreEyes's discussion Emotions - How do you keep your emotions under control?
"Soreeyes, I know it can be hard to break through all the ideas about what we are supposed to do, but you really, really are NOT required to keep talking with her. Like most of us, you probably do not actually have the energy to interact with anyone…"
Feb 16
Melissa replied to SoreEyes's discussion Emotions - How do you keep your emotions under control?
"It may help to remember that grief is not something you can get control of, because it is not something broken or wrong with you. You can't fix it. It's an experience, and as much as it sucks (and hooboy, does it suck!), it's doing…"
Feb 16
Melissa replied to Maggiepie's discussion Rebirth and connection
"I've run into a theory that talks about us having different parts of the soul/spirit- the ancestral part (i.e. where that individual's memories, personality, etc are stored) is different than the bit that gets reborn in that particular…"
Jan 26
Melissa replied to Dee1960's discussion Wedding Rings -- why wear them?
"Dee, Wedding rings symbolize quite a lot- but at the core, they mean "I am married." People remove that symbol for lots of reasons- for job purposes, because they are afraid of damaging or losing the ring, because they're tired of…"
Jan 26
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2019
"Riskybiz, Please do not feel as though you need to give Rick up! Find ways to stay connected. (There's a whole grief theory, called "continuing bonds", that basically debunks the idea that it is somehow better for us to "get…"
Jan 18
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2019
"To everyone who has been widowed in the last few months, let me just say this: Literally the only thing you should be doing (and, for many of us, the only thing we CAN do) in the first few months is to move toward anything that feels slightly less…"
Jan 18
Melissa replied to Lost Girl's discussion Living a life I did not choose in the group Widowed in 2019
"I slept my way through the New Year too. It's so odd, to be in a calendar year that he hasn't been alive in. Surreal, is how it feels to me. But then, no matter where I go or what time I pass through, I will always be carrying Skip in my…"
Jan 15
Melissa replied to Maggiepie's discussion Talking to hubby in my head or aloud
"Oh yes, entirely normal. There's a grief theory that would probably make sense to a lot of us, called "continuing bonds." Basically, maintaining a connection to our beloved dead is not at all harmful or unusual. In fact, it's…"
Jan 15
chef (John) replied to Melissa's discussion Dreams
"I've had many dreams in eight and a half years, and can remember only one or two of 'em being unpleasant/unsettling. Early on it was difficult, but I've come to get used to it. Hugs to you as you work through this part of grief. Hugs…"
Jan 9
CryinCali replied to Melissa's discussion Dreams
"I too had many different dreams of my husband and i breaking up or him leaving different ways different situations and its weird cause my husband and i had a very good relationship always willing to stick things out we never would have just chosen…"
Jan 8

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I'm genderqueer, and my pronouns are ze/zir/zir. I'm polyamorous, with two living partners. The relationship in which I am widowed is my primary relationship- roughly equivalent for me to being married. I am also pagan, which has shaped a lot of my beliefs about death and grieving.

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At 2:40pm on June 3, 2019, judy said…

Hi Melissa,

Welcome to Widowed Village. I am very sorry for your loss, but happy that you found us. You will find caring, loving support and friendship here.


Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  Come in the chat room which is available 24/7 to you.  I look forward to getting to know you and support you through your journey.


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