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  • Pittsburg, CA
  • United States
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  • judy

Melissa's Discussions

Safe Holiday Movies?

Started this discussion. Last reply by Rich Dec 14, 2019. 6 Replies

My family has a tradition of watching a holiday movie at this time of year. For obvious reasons, I don't want to watch anything focused on romance. And maybe not something that's so classic I've seen…Continue

Tags: request, movies, holidays

Support we need vs get

Started this discussion. Last reply by Elizabeth Dec 5, 2019. 11 Replies

Has anyone else had the experience of having someone in their life Really Most Sincerely Want To Help...but only if they can help the way they think you should want/need? I'm finding that I have a…Continue

Pagan and Widowed?

Started this discussion. Last reply by NoLongerInBergenJC Oct 10, 2019. 1 Reply

Wondering if there are other folks on here who are neo-pagan or something similar? Samhain (the holiday that's a precursor to Halloween) is coming up, and it's all about celebrating the ancestors and…Continue


Started this discussion. Last reply by chef (John) Jan 9. 7 Replies

The ones where I know something is wrong, or even that my beloved Skip is dead are bad. In the first few days after his death, I had one whopper of a night where I dreamed that I was frantically…Continue


Melissa's Page

Latest Activity

Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2019
"Riskybiz, Please do not feel as though you need to give Rick up! Find ways to stay connected. (There's a whole grief theory, called "continuing bonds", that basically debunks the idea that it is somehow better for us to "get…"
Melissa commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2019
"To everyone who has been widowed in the last few months, let me just say this: Literally the only thing you should be doing (and, for many of us, the only thing we CAN do) in the first few months is to move toward anything that feels slightly less…"
Melissa replied to Lost Girl's discussion Living a life I did not choose in the group Widowed in 2019
"I slept my way through the New Year too. It's so odd, to be in a calendar year that he hasn't been alive in. Surreal, is how it feels to me. But then, no matter where I go or what time I pass through, I will always be carrying Skip in my…"
Melissa replied to Maggiepie's discussion Talking to hubby in my head or aloud
"Oh yes, entirely normal. There's a grief theory that would probably make sense to a lot of us, called "continuing bonds." Basically, maintaining a connection to our beloved dead is not at all harmful or unusual. In fact, it's…"
chef (John) replied to Melissa's discussion Dreams
"I've had many dreams in eight and a half years, and can remember only one or two of 'em being unpleasant/unsettling. Early on it was difficult, but I've come to get used to it. Hugs to you as you work through this part of grief. Hugs…"
Jan 9
CryinCali replied to Melissa's discussion Dreams
"I too had many different dreams of my husband and i breaking up or him leaving different ways different situations and its weird cause my husband and i had a very good relationship always willing to stick things out we never would have just chosen…"
Jan 8
Lisa replied to Melissa's discussion Holiday Plans in the group Widowed in 2019
"Yes, I'm sure that's a big part of it. Those Amazon commercials about "Everybody needs somebody" get me every time, as it's true but my somebody is gone. I ended up taking three days off work to stay in bed, I just…"
Jan 7
Tanne replied to Melissa's discussion Holiday Plans in the group Widowed in 2019
"Dear Lisa, these grieving services sound great! I don't think we have them at our local church but I will keep an eye on the churches in the cities around us, maybe they do something like this. The holidays were much harder than expected for me…"
Jan 7
Lisa replied to Melissa's discussion Holiday Plans in the group Widowed in 2019
"Christmas was so much harder than I expected. We kept our usual traditions with family and everything, and it was just brutal. The best thing, though, a local church has a "Blue Christmas" service for anyone who is grieving at the…"
Jan 6
Melissa replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"I openly told many of the people close to me after Skip's death that "How are you?" was a hard question for me to answer. Sometimes I'll answer as though they added "...right now?" to the end of the question. Sometimes…"
Jan 5
Melissa replied to Queen_beez's discussion Condolences
"I was tired of it less than 24 hours in. What the heck am I supposed to say back? "Um, me too?" "Thank you?" It's sort of a weird thing to say, when you think about it. I most appreciated my sister-in-law, also a widow,…"
Jan 5
Melissa replied to Judyrose's discussion Lost in the group Widowed in 2019
"For less religious groups, I might try "Refuge in Grief" or one of the e-courses on the "What's Your Grief?" blog. In person will be different depending on where you live. Here I was able to find a creative grief group,…"
Dec 16, 2019
Rich replied to Melissa's discussion Safe Holiday Movies?
"Safe? Not this film. I very hesitantly even mention it, but it is a very strong film about Life, Love and Death. It's a short 17 minute film you can view on YouTube. It is titled "The Last…"
Dec 14, 2019
Melissa replied to Lis's discussion Hello everyone in the group Widowed in 2019
"I had to blink when I read this, because I often had that sense in the early days- that surely Skip would be at home when I got back from work, or he'd show up back from the gym, or maybe when I left for a few days and got back? Surely any…"
Dec 12, 2019
Melissa replied to Alma's discussion It's so much
"With as much gentleness and kindness to yourself as you can. My partner died this spring, and I absolutely can't think about a whole life without him yet. It's like trying to stare into the sun. On a good day, I can think weeks or months…"
Dec 12, 2019
TheEDCZone replied to Melissa's discussion Holiday Plans in the group Widowed in 2019
"This will be my first Christmas without Lisa, Christmas Eve will be 11 months since we lost her, it will just be me and my boys who are 18 and 12, my 17 year old daughter is in Sydney visiting her boyfriend. Just having a quiet time and doing what…"
Dec 11, 2019

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I'm genderqueer, and my pronouns are ze/zir/zir. I'm polyamorous, with two living partners. The relationship in which I am widowed is my primary relationship- roughly equivalent for me to being married. I am also pagan, which has shaped a lot of my beliefs about death and grieving.

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At 2:40pm on June 3, 2019, judy said…

Hi Melissa,

Welcome to Widowed Village. I am very sorry for your loss, but happy that you found us. You will find caring, loving support and friendship here.


Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  Come in the chat room which is available 24/7 to you.  I look forward to getting to know you and support you through your journey.


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