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Melissa
  • Pittsburg, CA
  • United States
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Melissa's Discussions

Support we need vs get

Started this discussion. Last reply by Rich Oct 31. 3 Replies

Has anyone else had the experience of having someone in their life Really Most Sincerely Want To Help...but only if they can help the way they think you should want/need? I'm finding that I have a…Continue

Pagan and Widowed?

Started this discussion. Last reply by NoLongerInBergenJC Oct 10. 1 Reply

Wondering if there are other folks on here who are neo-pagan or something similar? Samhain (the holiday that's a precursor to Halloween) is coming up, and it's all about celebrating the ancestors and…Continue

Dreams

Started this discussion. Last reply by Melissa Sep 25. 5 Replies

The ones where I know something is wrong, or even that my beloved Skip is dead are bad. In the first few days after his death, I had one whopper of a night where I dreamed that I was frantically…Continue

Loneliness

Started this discussion. Last reply by Claire Sep 16. 32 Replies

So, I have to admit, this isn't something I thought I'd be dealing with. I foolishly thought, well, I'm not quite your "average" widowed person- though I know now that such a thing doesn't really…Continue

 

Melissa's Page

Latest Activity

Melissa replied to DebiT's discussion So many places to say goodbye in the group Widowed in 2019
"Judyrose, Like DebiT below, I also recently attended an event for those who have lost someone in the last year. We were talking about how thick grief can feel, how it can cloud your normal executive functioning. One woman said she accidently paid…"
Nov 4
Rich replied to Melissa's discussion Support we need vs get
"Diva: I have had people make some really stupid statements and suggestions to me. I think they have a need to say something but just like us they are new to this and talk without thinking. I know in my situation even those with dumb comments were…"
Oct 31
DIVA70 replied to Melissa's discussion Support we need vs get
"I actually have two very close or shall I say formerly very close relatives who wanted me to grieve the way they wanted me to grieve. One seemed to feel as if she knew what I was going through but actually didn't have a clue. It was really all…"
Oct 30
Alma replied to Melissa's discussion Support we need vs get
"For now she has to go. It may sound mean because she seems so genuine grief is an exhausting time and you must care for yourself first. So, don't answer calls or texts or be really firm and say right now I can only handle a one hour lunch date…"
Oct 30
Melissa posted a discussion

Support we need vs get

Has anyone else had the experience of having someone in their life Really Most Sincerely Want To Help...but only if they can help the way they think you should want/need? I'm finding that I have a family member who has a very hard time supporting me if, say, I want to be distracted this time instead of talking about grief. There's lots of other particular ways this relationship rubs me wrong right now, but that's just an example. She's not very good at accepting my boundaries or what I need…See More
Oct 30
Melissa replied to Raven2017's discussion Group Grief Therapy- Good or bad?
"I'm going to a group right now, in week 2 of 4. It's art and creative focused, so we aren't only sitting around talking. I think that's helpful. I also think it depends on the group, and depends on where you are in your grief…"
Oct 30
Melissa replied to Alma's discussion First special moment
"Alma, is there anyone who knows this used to be a special day for the two of you, who can give you a little extra support? A phone call, a visit, a hug? I've done a lot of asking for those sorts of things on special days, and it can help."
Oct 24
Melissa replied to Alma's discussion Sometimes the anxiety
"One moment and one step at a time. I'm still in my first year without my beloved. I was just talking with family the other day, and I said something like "I'm just looking at the next holiday, because if I try to think about all of…"
Oct 16
NoLongerInBergenJC replied to Melissa's discussion Pagan and Widowed?
"Hi, Melissa....I'm kind of a loose semi-pagan and so was my husband.  Just now I smelled cigarette smoke in the house (I don't smoke) which means that he was here.  I also dream about him more this time of year. I don't do…"
Oct 10
Melissa posted a discussion

Pagan and Widowed?

Wondering if there are other folks on here who are neo-pagan or something similar? Samhain (the holiday that's a precursor to Halloween) is coming up, and it's all about celebrating the ancestors and the beloved dead. This will be my first year without Skip. Unsurprisingly, I'm not looking forward to it.If you're pagan, how have you/are you planning on coping with Samhain?If you're not pagan, how have you handled other special days?See More
Oct 6
Melissa replied to Rich's discussion How long have you been on the Widowed Village forums?
"I'm just over 6 months out from Skip's death, and think I've been on here for about five of those months? I generally drop by at least once a week, more if I'm having hard days. Yesterday, I did the last of the "estate"…"
Oct 6
Melissa replied to Claire's discussion Dining Out
"I take a good book with me when I go out. It's good to have little things we do for ourselves that help us feel, well, closer to normal at least."
Sep 29
Melissa replied to Justme's discussion Lack of Chill
"Totally normal. I've been there. My whole system responds to any surprises now as though, you know...DEATH. I'm primed for the worse. It's calmed down a bit for me as time goes on, so there's that. Like you, I'm usually…"
Sep 29
Melissa replied to Rich's discussion Ever awake at 2:45 in the morning?
"Oh, yes. Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night and be tossing and turning, then I start thinking about him. Then there's Feelings everywhere, and I can't get back to sleep."
Sep 29
Melissa replied to Mrs Bear's discussion Having to say the "W" word
"Filling out the death certificate was the worst for me. I mean, answering questions for a minute or two at a time while others filled it out. Just soul-crushing."
Sep 25
Melissa replied to Mrs Bear's discussion Having to say the "W" word
"Yeah, that's a hard one. I talked with several people close to me to help figure out who it made most sense to put now. I think my criteria ended up being "Who would be most likely to get this call first/quickly?" and "Who can…"
Sep 25

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I'm genderqueer, and my pronouns are ze/zir/zir. I'm polyamorous, with two living partners. The relationship in which I am widowed is my primary relationship- roughly equivalent for me to being married. I am also pagan, which has shaped a lot of my beliefs about death and grieving.

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At 2:40pm on June 3, 2019, judy said…

Hi Melissa,

Welcome to Widowed Village. I am very sorry for your loss, but happy that you found us. You will find caring, loving support and friendship here.

 

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  Come in the chat room which is available 24/7 to you.  I look forward to getting to know you and support you through your journey.

 
 
 

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