It is funny the contradiction I have become. I complain about routines being messed up or being painful, and wanting to change things up. But then I want the routine to be there when I am ready for it. Yesterday I found out that a restaurant my wife and I went to frequently was filing Chapter 11. This place is one of the oldest memories I have of taking my wife to dinner. Yes they are a chain but I was a student and could only afford so much. I freaked out a little bit about this…Continue
As the days, weeks, now months have slowly passed since my wife died, I had things I had to do. Busy work yes, but it wasn't something I had ever done before. These required changes to my day. Getting up early, contacting random companies and people, going out of my way. It was torture but it kept things moving in a direction. I now wish there was more I had to do that was required just to keep me busy.
Unfortunately, just the other day I woke up, got myself ready in the morning…Continue
As I started down this path of rebuilding my life without my wife, I had nothing but good intentions. Clear up some things that needed to be done so that I didn't have to keep revisiting this chapter over and over again. It seemed simple. Change names on bank accounts, close out credit cards, update insurance policies. I jumped into the financial morass quickly and with a fevered pitch. Filing this or that. Organizing what I had to do next was a way of compartmentalizing the thing I…Continue
I went to Camp Widow East (Tampa) last weekend and well it was fun, sad, interesting, engaging and weird all at the same time. You wouldn't expect a bunch of people who are grieving the loss of their person to find so much joy in just being with each other. It was nice to be able to remove the mask for a few days and just be who I am right now. I know this won't be who I always will be, nor is it who I once was but right now I am a person who is multiple shades of screwed up over missing…Continue