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MidnightBear (Tony)
  • Male
  • Waltham, MA
  • United States
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MidnightBear (Tony) commented on soulmate's blog post Crap
"I certainly haven't been there twice, and once is about all I can handle at the moment, but I can certainly understand how going through this all again may ruin me in a very different way than the first time already did. "
17 hours ago
chef (John) commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Where is the Roadmap?
"I agree that this is a great post. Eventually you will be able to draw your own road map (we all do, but that takes time, and each of us is on our own timetable), but for now you are doing "all the right things" from what you've…"
19 hours ago
MidnightBear (Tony) posted blog posts
soulmate commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Where is the Roadmap?
"Superb post. Thank you. I relate so strongly to your description of "No road map." Lost, is the most descriptive word I can come up with when I lost my wife 13 months ago. Lost emotionally, physically, spiritually. Numb, depressed,…"
Don commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post I am not broken, You can not fix me
"Tony,  I do a lot of the same things, the banter with a ghost especially, and the eating in front of the tv. Sometimes i'll see something and look at where she would have been sitting and make a comment to her (does this mean I've…"
Dianne in Nevada commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post I am not broken, You can not fix me
"I hope you'll share this with your friends and family, Tony. It's beautifully written.  Not all will be able to accept it, but those that do will have received a wonderful gift. Those who care about us need us to be the teachers if…"
MidnightBear (Tony) replied to Aly brabham's discussion Is it normal to keep items around your house of theirs
"I am only 1 month into the journey and I still have bags of clean laundry that belong to my wife that I haven't gotten up the energy to fold and put away somewhere.  I have not touched her den but it is on my list of things to tweak. …"
MidnightBear (Tony) posted blog posts
MidnightBear (Tony) posted photos
MidnightBear (Tony) updated their profile
Dec 2
MidnightBear (Tony) replied to Soaring Spirits's discussion Introduce yourselves, please!
"Welcome to the club we all wish we could say we weren't a part of.  I am also still rather new at this, less than 2 weeks, but I will say I definitely agree with you on listening to music being a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.  I…"
Nov 22
MidnightBear (Tony) commented on The Hungover Widow's blog post Writing Publicly on Emotional Abuse
"Nice article, and yes you deserve someone who fits you emotionally and isn't abusive.  Everyone does.  Just be careful out there in the pool, there are sharks out there as well. "
Nov 20
MidnightBear (Tony) replied to MissHIm11's discussion Cleaning out the pantry = major tears!
"I know a long time since this was posted, but I have been dealing with this for the last several days myself.  Mostly the fridge but also a little in the pantry.  My wife was a carnivore, and I have been a vegetarian since I was 3 years…"
Nov 20
MidnightBear (Tony) replied to Soaring Spirits's discussion NOVEMBER Anniversaries, Birthdays and Other Special Days
"November is going to suck for me for a long time.  My wife's birthday was 3 days after she died.  My birthday is coming up in just about a week, we started dating on Thanksgiving over 20 years ago, and of course she died in…"
Nov 19
MidnightBear (Tony) replied to InsideLove's discussion Is morning or night worst for you? How do you get through it?
"I am still rather new at this whole thing, having only lost my wife a week ago, but right now my worst time is overnight.  I wake up and look across the bed to find it empty.  I get up and stumble on bags of laundry that we didn't get…"
Nov 19
MidnightBear (Tony) replied to Soaring Spirits's discussion Introduce yourselves, please!
"So I joined yesterday and considered if I really wanted to post or not.  I lost my wife just a week ago and still in horrible shock.  I walk around in a fog wishing that I would wake up to find it was some how a bad dream.  My wife…"
Nov 19

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Looking Forward

Posted on December 14, 2017 at 5:55am 0 Comments

Please note, I posted this on my FB page yesterday, and then mentioned it on chat yesterday to someone.  I told them I would post it here today so here it is.

Have you ever looked back on something you wrote 25 years ago and shivered? I just did that, here is a poem I wrote 25 years ago, I don't know what possessed me then, but it is like 25 years ago I knew someday I would be where I am today: 

TITLE: Looking…


Where is the Roadmap?

Posted on December 13, 2017 at 6:47am 4 Comments

For years, my wife and I would pick a destination to go to on vacation.  Often a national park or amusement park, but it was often that we would pick one destination that we could drive to.  These were times when we would be in the car for hours, listening to a book on tape and gabbing about random stuff.  Until we bought a car with navigation my wife was the navigator.  She was responsible for the roadmap and pointing out directions.  She would drive only during long stretches of straight…


1 Month Down, So Many to Go

Posted on December 11, 2017 at 8:00am 0 Comments

1 month ago today, the light of my life went away.  I woke today initially with the feeling like it was all the other days since her passing, but then feelings came flooding in.  I almost crawled back into bed and refused to go to work but this would have meant admitting defeat and giving in.  I won't go down without a fight and so I dragged myself from bed, shaved, showered and got dressed.  I made myself a lunch and ate breakfast.  I left the house about 20 minutes later than intended, and…


I am not broken, You can not fix me

Posted on December 11, 2017 at 7:30am 3 Comments

A letter I wrote to family & friend but haven't had the nerve to share. 

I know people are trying to do well meaning things when they suggest that I should get a dog, or a cat or some other creature to have around me.  I know people are meaning well when they say sharing is helpful or that you will get over this eventually.  I know people merely want to try to fix me.  The problem is, I am not broken, I am sad, lonely, angry and tired.  I am these things but I am…


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At 7:04pm on November 18, 2017, judy said…

Hi MidnightBear,

Welcome to Widowed Village. I am very sorry for your loss, but happy that you found us. You will find caring, loving support and friendship here.


Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  Come in the chat room which is available 24/7 to you.  I look forward to getting to know you and support you through your journey.



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