Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

MidnightBear (Tony)
  • Male
  • Waltham, MA
  • United States
Share on Facebook Share

MidnightBear (Tony)'s Friends

  • Isaiah4031
  • LadyG
  • AnneDelanoue
  • Thankfulheart
  • Rainy (Misty)
  • James.T.
  • denverkim
  • Mandy
  • roark
  • Mickey
  • ShirleyB
  • BabushkaD (Debbie)
  • Ann
  • Don
  • southernsoul

MidnightBear (Tony)'s Groups

 

MidnightBear (Tony)'s Page

Latest Activity

MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

The Things People Don't Mean but Say

I have noticed that I am far more sensitive than I used to be.  I find that I walk into situations where people don't know about my wife, or who do know about her and mention it when I am not expecting.  The other day someone was asking me if I was traveling with my wife to her family because they over heard me talking about going to her parents' house around Christmas for a visit.  I explained that no, she had passed away, but it was a bit of a hit to the gut to have them ask that question…See More
yesterday
Hornet (Cindy) commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not Me
"You may find this strange, Tony, but having passed through 5 years after losing my husband, I find such comfort in your lonely words. This post, especially, resounds in my heart. You see, I am not me either....haven't been for 5 years. And I am…"
Nov 19
MidnightBear (Tony) commented on sunshinesoon's blog post Treading water
"In defense to some extent to the friends and family who don't say the right things, that is largely because there isn't a right thing to say.  While many of us here get it to some extent, we can't feel your exact grief or your…"
Nov 16
DIVA70 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post The Unmovable Objects
"Believe me when I say I understand. My husband was on dialysis and when he would come in from his treatment he had a special place to hang his cap and store his dialysis bag. After six months his hat and his bag still rest in the last place he left…"
Nov 15
MidnightBear (Tony) is attending RGL Events's event
Thumbnail

Soaring Spirits Regional Event in MIDDLESEX/WORCESTER, MA at Barbers Crossing North Restaurant

November 25, 2018 from 12:30pm to 3pm
LunchJoin your widowed family for a post-Thanksgiving gathering at a restaurant with awesome comfort food! Come and vent about your holiday. We will listen. We hope to see you there!For any questions please email. Meet at hostess front area of restaurant. If late, ask hostess for Allison and Kelley party. Contact Kelley or Allison with questions at group email below. Group email: Kelley at [email protected] the group FB page…See More
Nov 14
MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

The Unmovable Objects

I found it sadly amusing that I continue to walk around things.  Things that are in my way, things that shouldn't be where they are, things that really have no purpose anymore.  But I didn't put them there, she did.  Her slippers on the stairs just inside our front door, her reading glasses on the table, her laptop on the couch, the book bag on the floor of the living room, and the lunch bag hanging in the kitchen.  Removing these and so many other things would help me to attack the clutter…See More
Nov 14
Miss Em (Emma) commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post A Year and A Day...
"Thank you for your Blog Tony. I always read them. I can relate to a lot of your words. Thanks"
Nov 13
MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

A Year and A Day...

So yesterday marked the 1 year mark.  With the hype that family and friends seemed to be having with it, I would have thought it would have had some meaning to me.  Really it didn't.  I did do something we often did together and went for an 8 mile light hike.  I listened to a book on tape as I cruised through the trail and the only thing that was odd was that I didn't take one picture, I just walked.   As I walked I pictured my wife on the trail a few times but I wasn't all emotional or…See More
Nov 12
Cee commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Finding Random Treasure
"This sounds so familiar - we always said we didn't collect things - things collected us. It seemed if something came into the house it never left and was reaching the point of taking over our lives, Unfortunately we waited to long to start…"
Oct 27
Pegasus commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not So Subtle Reminders
"I can't imagine why your circle of people would think it necessary to remind you of those two days in such a way.  One would think they could put themselves in your shoes and realize that you carry those days with you every day; you…"
Oct 25
vintage56(barb) commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not So Subtle Reminders
"I doubt people even take note of the day my DH passed. It has been 3.5 years and his whole side of the family treats me like a thing of the past. Which I guess I am."
Oct 24
chef (John) commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not So Subtle Reminders
"I think you have a good handle on things, Tony. Keep doing your best to remember that most of this is done without malice and forethought. Brohugs from Cleveland."
Oct 23
LadyG commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not So Subtle Reminders
"I hear you Tony. And of course we know they mean well.  It's just that their lives returned to their "normal" after your ( my ) loss, so for them it is just coming up as a reminder.  They haven't been living with the…"
Oct 22
MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

Not So Subtle Reminders

I am rolling closer and closer to 1 year, and I find that more and more people are dropping hints and reminders that 1 year is right around the corner.  At first it was subtle, hey if you want to come hang out in a couple weeks, let us know.  But as the days tick on, the subtlety seems to be disappearing and folks are being more and more overt.  I am trying to be kind and not push back.  For me, so far anyway, it isn't the day that is actually worrying to me.  See for me remembering and taking…See More
Oct 22
DIVA70 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not Me
"I think that what you are feeling is completely normal. I am reading Its OK THAT YOURE NOT OK by Megan Devine. I recommend it. After 48 years of being identified with another person I too am grappling with what the new me is going to look like...I…"
Oct 18
makemyownsunshine commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not Me
"Thanks for writing that. I understand the missing time. I feel like I'm being industrious, and then I sit for what I plan to be a few moments and it turns into a half hour. A half hour of thinking about him. Of memories and then tears. I'm…"
Oct 17

Profile Information

MidnightBear (Tony)'s Photos

  • Add Photos
  • View All

MidnightBear (Tony)'s Blog

The Things People Don't Mean but Say

Posted on December 9, 2018 at 12:53pm 0 Comments

I have noticed that I am far more sensitive than I used to be.  I find that I walk into situations where people don't know about my wife, or who do know about her and mention it when I am not expecting.  The other day someone was asking me if I was traveling with my wife to her family because they over heard me talking about going to her parents' house around Christmas for a visit.  I explained that no, she had passed away, but it was a bit of a hit to the gut to have them ask that question…

Continue

The Unmovable Objects

Posted on November 14, 2018 at 11:00am 1 Comment

I found it sadly amusing that I continue to walk around things.  Things that are in my way, things that shouldn't be where they are, things that really have no purpose anymore.  But I didn't put them there, she did.  Her slippers on the stairs just inside our front door, her reading glasses on the table, her laptop on the couch, the book bag on the floor of the living room, and the lunch bag hanging in the kitchen.  Removing these and so many other things would help me to attack the clutter…

Continue

A Year and A Day...

Posted on November 12, 2018 at 6:37pm 1 Comment

So yesterday marked the 1 year mark.  With the hype that family and friends seemed to be having with it, I would have thought it would have had some meaning to me.  Really it didn't.  I did do something we often did together and went for an 8 mile light hike.  I listened to a book on tape as I cruised through the trail and the only thing that was odd was that I didn't take one picture, I just walked.   As I walked I pictured my wife on the trail a few times but I wasn't all emotional or…

Continue

Not So Subtle Reminders

Posted on October 22, 2018 at 5:43pm 4 Comments

I am rolling closer and closer to 1 year, and I find that more and more people are dropping hints and reminders that 1 year is right around the corner.  At first it was subtle, hey if you want to come hang out in a couple weeks, let us know.  But as the days tick on, the subtlety seems to be disappearing and folks are being more and more overt.  I am trying to be kind and not push back.  For me, so far anyway, it isn't the day that is actually worrying to me.  See for me remembering and…

Continue

Comment Wall (3 comments)

You need to be a member of Widowed Village to add comments!

Join Widowed Village

At 6:48am on February 4, 2018, Doug02122014 said…

Hi MidnightBear (Tony),

Thanks for the friend invite.  Feel free to message me anytime and I'll do my best to get back to you  

Take care. 

Doug 

At 3:09pm on January 19, 2018, ShirleyB said…

Happy Friday, Tony.  How are you doing this evening?

At 7:04pm on November 18, 2017, judy said…

Hi MidnightBear,

Welcome to Widowed Village. I am very sorry for your loss, but happy that you found us. You will find caring, loving support and friendship here.

 

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  Come in the chat room which is available 24/7 to you.  I look forward to getting to know you and support you through your journey.

                                         

 
 
 

© 2018   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service