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MidnightBear (Tony)
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  • Waltham, MA
  • United States
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Latest Activity

SweetMelissa2007 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post In Search of a Pronoun
"At 11 years out, I still "we", "ours" & "his" even though Bob's name is no longer on any documents of ownership ... Its not a big deal for me, however, I have witnessed friends & family flinch as if I am…"
Saturday
Rainy (Misty) commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post In Search of a Pronoun
"Hugs to you Tony!  Miss you in chat.  You'll get there."
Jul 12
MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

In Search of a Pronoun

So I have been off for a while, very busy at work and taking a much needed vacation during the week of the fourth where I kept myself mostly away from electronics except for a few times where I acted as the group accountant :D.  It dawned on me while I was away how many times I was hunting for a pronoun.  People are probably saying what do you mean, hunting for a pronoun.  Well for 23 years, really 27, things weren't mine or hers, they were ours.  It wasn't me, it was us, there was no I it was…See More
Jul 11
SweetMelissa2007 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Contradictions
"Hi Tony,Contradictory - yes :-(Extreme stress & grief cause the Big 6: dazed, disoriented, distracted, disorganized, distressed & distraught ...By far the strangest if not worst contradiction is in thinking the loss of our most cherished…"
Apr 20
SweetMelissa2007 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Painful...Routine
"Tony,My answers to your questions are that I did the time while working on areas of my grief that were in need of attention ...I rarely if ever read a specific plan by others to cope w/grief for this long term journey - most of it was day to day…"
Apr 19
MidnightBear (Tony) commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Contradictions
"Callie2 - Thanks for the response, yes complicated it is, I try to shop for 2 weeks at a time now so I don't have to go to the store as often.  I still end up shopping each week out of boredom.  It is better to be grocery shopping…"
Apr 18
Shoosie2 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Contradictions
"Hi Tony, callie and Bayoured I to find myself watching old movies and a few newer series. I can;t watch Game of Thrones, as it it the last thing we watched together. There are still 2 seasons to watch, but it was our series, and I  can't…"
Apr 17
bayoured commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Contradictions
"I cling to the words of the ones who have gone before us thru grief. They tells us it will get easier in time. I have to believe this or it would be unbearable which most of the time it is. I say to myself almost daily it will not always hurt this…"
Apr 17
Callie2 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Contradictions
"Tony, though it’s been several years for me, I remember similar feelings. I found comfort In watching old, syndicated shows on TV. Later on, I figured it was because I wanted to go back to when things were good and I was happy. And you are…"
Apr 17
MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

Contradictions

It is funny the contradiction I have become.  I complain about routines being messed up or being painful, and wanting to change things up.  But then I want the routine to be there when I am ready for it.  Yesterday I found out that a restaurant my wife and I went to frequently was filing Chapter 11.  This place is one of the oldest memories I have of taking my wife to dinner.  Yes they are a chain but I was a student and could only afford so much.  I freaked out a little bit about this break. …See More
Apr 17
MidnightBear (Tony) commented on Melissa's blog post Home Alone
"It is funny that you have mentioned routine and I just complained about routine coming back a bit after 5 months only to find I am missing half of the routine's members.  I work and have only missed 8 days since my wife died that…"
Apr 17
Tess commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Painful...Routine
"Tony, you write so beautifully about your loss. Those things are experiences that resonate with me and probably many of us. I remember coming home from work with something so interesting that happened, excited to tell my husband... It is a…"
Apr 17
bayoured commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Painful...Routine
"Dear Tony you are singing to the choir. I do believe at the 5month mark is so much worse than the 2 month was. I was numb and on auto pilot as well. Know I am in the aftermath as I call it. I wish I worked so I would at least have that to look…"
Apr 14
MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

Painful...Routine

As the days, weeks, now months have slowly passed since my wife died, I had things I had to do. Busy work yes, but it wasn't something I had ever done before.  These required changes to my day.  Getting up early, contacting random companies and people, going out of my way.  It was torture but it kept things moving in a direction.  I now wish there was more I had to do that was required just to keep me busy. Unfortunately, just the other day I woke up, got myself ready in the morning like…See More
Apr 13
MidnightBear (Tony) is attending RGL Events's event
Thumbnail

Soaring Spirits Regional Event in MIDDLESEX/WORCESTER, MA at Barbers Crossing North

April 15, 2018 from 12pm to 2:30pm
Join us at this casual family style / pub style restaurant for lunch, wine, coffee, dessert, or whatever you like. They have delicious comfort food and seafood, but the understanding company of widowed friends is even better! Meet us inside the front entrance area at noon, so we can gather and get a table.email Kelley at [email protected] the group FB page…See More
Apr 13
Rzh895 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Getting what you ask for, only to find out it isn't what you want
"So good to hear I'm not the only one dreading the time when I have all of the paperwork in order. I've told many people that it is a real pain, for which I have no patience, but it gives me something to do. None of my former passions are…"
Apr 11

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MidnightBear (Tony)'s Blog

In Search of a Pronoun

Posted on July 11, 2018 at 12:51pm 2 Comments

So I have been off for a while, very busy at work and taking a much needed vacation during the week of the fourth where I kept myself mostly away from electronics except for a few times where I acted as the group accountant :D.  It dawned on me while I was away how many times I was hunting for a pronoun.  People are probably saying what do you mean, hunting for a pronoun.  Well for 23 years, really 27, things weren't mine or hers, they were ours.  It wasn't me, it was us, there was no I it…

Continue

Contradictions

Posted on April 17, 2018 at 9:42am 5 Comments

It is funny the contradiction I have become.  I complain about routines being messed up or being painful, and wanting to change things up.  But then I want the routine to be there when I am ready for it.  Yesterday I found out that a restaurant my wife and I went to frequently was filing Chapter 11.  This place is one of the oldest memories I have of taking my wife to dinner.  Yes they are a chain but I was a student and could only afford so much.  I freaked out a little bit about this…

Continue

Painful...Routine

Posted on April 13, 2018 at 3:33pm 4 Comments

As the days, weeks, now months have slowly passed since my wife died, I had things I had to do. Busy work yes, but it wasn't something I had ever done before.  These required changes to my day.  Getting up early, contacting random companies and people, going out of my way.  It was torture but it kept things moving in a direction.  I now wish there was more I had to do that was required just to keep me busy. 

Unfortunately, just the other day I woke up, got myself ready in the morning…

Continue

Getting what you ask for, only to find out it isn't what you want

Posted on March 29, 2018 at 5:44am 7 Comments

As I started down this path of rebuilding my life without my wife, I had nothing but good intentions.  Clear up some things that needed to be done so that I didn't have to keep revisiting this chapter over and over again.  It seemed simple.  Change names on bank accounts, close out credit cards, update insurance policies.  I jumped into the financial morass quickly and with a fevered pitch.  Filing this or that.  Organizing what I had to do next was a way of compartmentalizing the thing I…

Continue

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 6:48am on February 4, 2018, Doug02122014 said…

Hi MidnightBear (Tony),

Thanks for the friend invite.  Feel free to message me anytime and I'll do my best to get back to you  

Take care. 

Doug 

At 3:09pm on January 19, 2018, ShirleyB said…

Happy Friday, Tony.  How are you doing this evening?

At 7:04pm on November 18, 2017, judy said…

Hi MidnightBear,

Welcome to Widowed Village. I am very sorry for your loss, but happy that you found us. You will find caring, loving support and friendship here.

 

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  Come in the chat room which is available 24/7 to you.  I look forward to getting to know you and support you through your journey.

                                         

 
 
 

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