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MidnightBear (Tony)
  • Male
  • Waltham, MA
  • United States
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Latest Activity

DIVA70 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Facade
"Fake it until you become it! Maybe one day I can look back on this time in my life and sigh a sigh of relief. One of the things I have never liked are fake people... my husband was the same way. I had to laugh out loud when she talked about how you…"
Friday
sis commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Facade
"Tony, I love reading your blog. You have a way with the words to help me spit out the feelings. I, too, put on what I call "my smile mask" when I am going to be around people. If I don't feel I can wear it, I just don't go out.…"
Wednesday
MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

Facade

My wife and I used to giggle at women who were wearing too much makeup.  My wife almost never wore makeup at all, the only time she did was because her mother insisted on it for certain things.  Weddings were the most common requirement that makeup would be lathered on her, and she couldn't get out of that gear fast enough to return to her 'normal' self.  In her opinion, makeup changed who she was, and she wasn't going to have any of it.  It was the facade that people put on day to day to show…See More
Wednesday
Starfish5 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post The Silent Beast
"Wow, what a wonderful post. I can relate to the silent beast.  I received a Christmas card from a friend who said this would be my year . . . to start dating and fall in love.  Well, I nearly fell off my chair when I read that, since I…"
Tuesday
loveboo commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post The Silent Beast
"Tony, thank you for writing this. I am definitely at a different stage than you; just over four weeks since my beloved passed away, a day after giving birth to our little girl.  I still feel the shock sometimes. I know what you mean when you…"
Jan 12
MidnightBear (Tony) commented on GrievingandLost37's blog post How Do You Cope with the Death of a Spouse?
"I will say that the simplest answer to your question is this: 1 day at a time.  I know it is old hat, it is not very helpful, but it is true.  You tackle one day, and then you tackle another.  Each day you try to move yourself at…"
Jan 11
MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

The Silent Beast

As I have today hit the 14 month mark, I reflect on a trend I notice happening.  I notice, time and again, that even though I typically have no clue what day of the month it is, that when the 11th rolls up, I am sent into an odd stupor.  A silent ever present beast takes over my will and my abilities.  I typically only get about 3 hours of sleep the night before, and often I am in bed trying to figure out why the heck it is that I can not get to sleep.  When I finally look at the calendar date,…See More
Jan 11
MidnightBear (Tony) commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2017
"Kimba - while I am generally careful to admit it, my first year (heck my last 2 weeks :D) was filled with a lot of Hallmark Channel viewings.  For me it was sort of going back to a last connection.  The day I took my wife to the hospital…"
Jan 11
Starfish5 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Illusion of Distance
"I can totally relate to this. My husband and I were friends, partners, soul mates. We did everything together. So now, 14 months after his death, I am slowly coming to grips with what is supposed to be my life. It's a hard, hard thing that most…"
Jan 1
sis commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Illusion of Distance
"Beautifully put, and very thought provoking for me. God Bless"
Dec 22, 2018
DIVA70 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Illusion of Distance
"I always find your comments so encouraging....maybe that's because my husband's name was Tony and he was an encourager too. I too have felt as if I were making two steps forward only to slide back down and seemingly have to start all over…"
Dec 16, 2018
Rainy (Misty) commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Illusion of Distance
"Well said Tony and yes, best of luck to you."
Dec 13, 2018
MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

Illusion of Distance

As time continues to trickle away behind me, I find that there is this illusion of distance looming out in front of me, and has been for some time.  When I first lost my wife reaching a place where I could truly be happy again seemed very far away, there was no illusion, it was clear as day that those mountains were far far away.  As the weeks and months started to fall away, the mountain started to appear close, like if I could just keep up this pace for a little longer I would reach the foot…See More
Dec 13, 2018
Callie2 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post The Things People Don't Mean but Say
"Tony, I think we’re all a bit more sensitive amidst the holidays, even when we pass the point of grieving. The first few years or so, the pain can lead us into overthinking peoples comments and lack of tact. What is important is that you…"
Dec 11, 2018
MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

The Things People Don't Mean but Say

I have noticed that I am far more sensitive than I used to be.  I find that I walk into situations where people don't know about my wife, or who do know about her and mention it when I am not expecting.  The other day someone was asking me if I was traveling with my wife to her family because they over heard me talking about going to her parents' house around Christmas for a visit.  I explained that no, she had passed away, but it was a bit of a hit to the gut to have them ask that question…See More
Dec 9, 2018
Hornet (Cindy) commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not Me
"You may find this strange, Tony, but having passed through 5 years after losing my husband, I find such comfort in your lonely words. This post, especially, resounds in my heart. You see, I am not me either....haven't been for 5 years. And I am…"
Nov 19, 2018

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MidnightBear (Tony)'s Blog

Facade

Posted on January 16, 2019 at 6:01am 2 Comments

My wife and I used to giggle at women who were wearing too much makeup.  My wife almost never wore makeup at all, the only time she did was because her mother insisted on it for certain things.  Weddings were the most common requirement that makeup would be lathered on her, and she couldn't get out of that gear fast enough to return to her 'normal' self.  In her opinion, makeup changed who she was, and she wasn't going to have any of it.  It was the facade that people put on day to day to…

Continue

The Silent Beast

Posted on January 11, 2019 at 11:49am 2 Comments

As I have today hit the 14 month mark, I reflect on a trend I notice happening.  I notice, time and again, that even though I typically have no clue what day of the month it is, that when the 11th rolls up, I am sent into an odd stupor.  A silent ever present beast takes over my will and my abilities.  I typically only get about 3 hours of sleep the night before, and often I am in bed trying to figure out why the heck it is that I can not get to sleep.  When I finally look at the calendar…

Continue

Illusion of Distance

Posted on December 13, 2018 at 9:02am 4 Comments

As time continues to trickle away behind me, I find that there is this illusion of distance looming out in front of me, and has been for some time.  When I first lost my wife reaching a place where I could truly be happy again seemed very far away, there was no illusion, it was clear as day that those mountains were far far away.  As the weeks and months started to fall away, the mountain started to appear close, like if I could just keep up this pace for a little longer I would reach the…

Continue

The Things People Don't Mean but Say

Posted on December 9, 2018 at 12:53pm 1 Comment

I have noticed that I am far more sensitive than I used to be.  I find that I walk into situations where people don't know about my wife, or who do know about her and mention it when I am not expecting.  The other day someone was asking me if I was traveling with my wife to her family because they over heard me talking about going to her parents' house around Christmas for a visit.  I explained that no, she had passed away, but it was a bit of a hit to the gut to have them ask that question…

Continue

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 6:48am on February 4, 2018, Doug02122014 said…

Hi MidnightBear (Tony),

Thanks for the friend invite.  Feel free to message me anytime and I'll do my best to get back to you  

Take care. 

Doug 

At 3:09pm on January 19, 2018, ShirleyB said…

Happy Friday, Tony.  How are you doing this evening?

At 7:04pm on November 18, 2017, judy said…

Hi MidnightBear,

Welcome to Widowed Village. I am very sorry for your loss, but happy that you found us. You will find caring, loving support and friendship here.

 

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  Come in the chat room which is available 24/7 to you.  I look forward to getting to know you and support you through your journey.

                                         

 
 
 

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