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MidnightBear (Tony)
  • Male
  • Waltham, MA
  • United States
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Latest Activity

Miss Em (Emma) commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post A Year and A Day...
"Thank you for your Blog Tony. I always read them. I can relate to a lot of your words. Thanks"
15 hours ago
MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

A Year and A Day...

So yesterday marked the 1 year mark.  With the hype that family and friends seemed to be having with it, I would have thought it would have had some meaning to me.  Really it didn't.  I did do something we often did together and went for an 8 mile light hike.  I listened to a book on tape as I cruised through the trail and the only thing that was odd was that I didn't take one picture, I just walked.   As I walked I pictured my wife on the trail a few times but I wasn't all emotional or…See More
yesterday
Cee commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Finding Random Treasure
"This sounds so familiar - we always said we didn't collect things - things collected us. It seemed if something came into the house it never left and was reaching the point of taking over our lives, Unfortunately we waited to long to start…"
Oct 27
Pegasus commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not So Subtle Reminders
"I can't imagine why your circle of people would think it necessary to remind you of those two days in such a way.  One would think they could put themselves in your shoes and realize that you carry those days with you every day; you…"
Oct 25
vintage56(barb) commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not So Subtle Reminders
"I doubt people even take note of the day my DH passed. It has been 3.5 years and his whole side of the family treats me like a thing of the past. Which I guess I am."
Oct 24
chef (John) commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not So Subtle Reminders
"I think you have a good handle on things, Tony. Keep doing your best to remember that most of this is done without malice and forethought. Brohugs from Cleveland."
Oct 23
LadyG commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not So Subtle Reminders
"I hear you Tony. And of course we know they mean well.  It's just that their lives returned to their "normal" after your ( my ) loss, so for them it is just coming up as a reminder.  They haven't been living with the…"
Oct 22
MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

Not So Subtle Reminders

I am rolling closer and closer to 1 year, and I find that more and more people are dropping hints and reminders that 1 year is right around the corner.  At first it was subtle, hey if you want to come hang out in a couple weeks, let us know.  But as the days tick on, the subtlety seems to be disappearing and folks are being more and more overt.  I am trying to be kind and not push back.  For me, so far anyway, it isn't the day that is actually worrying to me.  See for me remembering and taking…See More
Oct 22
DIVA70 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not Me
"I think that what you are feeling is completely normal. I am reading Its OK THAT YOURE NOT OK by Megan Devine. I recommend it. After 48 years of being identified with another person I too am grappling with what the new me is going to look like...I…"
Oct 18
makemyownsunshine commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not Me
"Thanks for writing that. I understand the missing time. I feel like I'm being industrious, and then I sit for what I plan to be a few moments and it turns into a half hour. A half hour of thinking about him. Of memories and then tears. I'm…"
Oct 17
Callie2 commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post Not Me
"Normal  All seems normal to me anyway.  I believe that in time, a lot will come into focus. It is hard to break from routine, it becomes part of who we are. I remembered at first, I wanted to do things the way my husband did. After a…"
Oct 16
MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

Not Me

After this last couple weeks of recovering from hitting the end of one set of goals and really have no more set right in front of me, it started to really dawn on me that I am not myself.  But what really does that mean?  For years I would make muffins every couple weeks and we would freeze them up to warm for breakfast to go with our oatmeal.  They were about 60 calories each the way we made them, little mini breakfast muffins, but they filled out breakfast well and kept me going until my…See More
Oct 15
MidnightBear (Tony) commented on Miss Em (Emma)'s blog post Birthdays
"My birthday and my wife's are 11 days apart, but there are 2 years difference between us.  Our birthdays are coming up soon and just thinking about it has been bugging me for some time.  I know a part of my grief over it is that her…"
Oct 11
Miss Em (Emma) commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post The End of the Pavement
"Hi Tony, I can relate to so much of this. We were a little longer off retirement, but we were about 5 years off our kids being grown. We had talked about being itinerant for a while. Working odd jobs while we travelled. We talked about travelling…"
Oct 10
Pegasus commented on MidnightBear (Tony)'s blog post The End of the Pavement
"So much of what you wrote I've done or thought about doing.  I've also got boxes and bags of my husband's papers filling up 60% of my bedroom.  Two weeks ago I pulled out some of it and spent the entire day in front of the…"
Oct 10
MidnightBear (Tony) posted a blog post

The End of the Pavement

Throughout the 27 years I was together with my wife either dating or married, we worked on setting out targets.  The targets were generally near term but we had a few longer term plans.  Many of our longer term plans were about things we were going to do together when we retired in about 7 to 9 years from now.  Trips to national parks and other countries, visiting family and generally being free to do what we wanted when we wanted.  Joining a few charities and the like.  When my wife got sick,…See More
Oct 10

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MidnightBear (Tony)'s Blog

A Year and A Day...

Posted on November 12, 2018 at 6:37pm 1 Comment

So yesterday marked the 1 year mark.  With the hype that family and friends seemed to be having with it, I would have thought it would have had some meaning to me.  Really it didn't.  I did do something we often did together and went for an 8 mile light hike.  I listened to a book on tape as I cruised through the trail and the only thing that was odd was that I didn't take one picture, I just walked.   As I walked I pictured my wife on the trail a few times but I wasn't all emotional or…

Continue

Not So Subtle Reminders

Posted on October 22, 2018 at 5:43pm 4 Comments

I am rolling closer and closer to 1 year, and I find that more and more people are dropping hints and reminders that 1 year is right around the corner.  At first it was subtle, hey if you want to come hang out in a couple weeks, let us know.  But as the days tick on, the subtlety seems to be disappearing and folks are being more and more overt.  I am trying to be kind and not push back.  For me, so far anyway, it isn't the day that is actually worrying to me.  See for me remembering and…

Continue

Not Me

Posted on October 15, 2018 at 11:48am 3 Comments

After this last couple weeks of recovering from hitting the end of one set of goals and really have no more set right in front of me, it started to really dawn on me that I am not myself.  But what really does that mean?  For years I would make muffins every couple weeks and we would freeze them up to warm for breakfast to go with our oatmeal.  They were about 60 calories each the way we made them, little mini breakfast muffins, but they filled out breakfast well and kept me going until my…

Continue

The End of the Pavement

Posted on October 10, 2018 at 10:29am 2 Comments

Throughout the 27 years I was together with my wife either dating or married, we worked on setting out targets.  The targets were generally near term but we had a few longer term plans.  Many of our longer term plans were about things we were going to do together when we retired in about 7 to 9 years from now.  Trips to national parks and other countries, visiting family and generally being free to do what we wanted when we wanted.  Joining a few charities and the like.  When my wife got…

Continue

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 6:48am on February 4, 2018, Doug02122014 said…

Hi MidnightBear (Tony),

Thanks for the friend invite.  Feel free to message me anytime and I'll do my best to get back to you  

Take care. 

Doug 

At 3:09pm on January 19, 2018, ShirleyB said…

Happy Friday, Tony.  How are you doing this evening?

At 7:04pm on November 18, 2017, judy said…

Hi MidnightBear,

Welcome to Widowed Village. I am very sorry for your loss, but happy that you found us. You will find caring, loving support and friendship here.

 

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  Come in the chat room which is available 24/7 to you.  I look forward to getting to know you and support you through your journey.

                                         

 
 
 

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