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MishyB
  • Female
  • Bellingham, WA
  • United States
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MishyB's Friends

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  • CIN_C2006
  • wannabmartha
  • Dianne in Nevada
  • Soaring Spirits

MishyB's Discussions

Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?

Started this discussion. Last reply by phyllis Jan 25. 51 Replies

 "Hi Michelle, how are you?" Is it just me, or is this a dumb question to ask aeight week old widow?Got it in an e-mail this morning and I really don't have thewherewithal to answer. Do you have a…Continue

 

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Latest Activity

phyllis replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"reply to soulmate: Maybe you're right.  That exactly expresses my view: "Damn, that sucks!"  Maybe the crappy words that wouldn't be used in a "feel better" card says what we are feeling better than pretty…"
Jan 25
soulmate replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"I am guilty of this as well, and yet, I feel I should know better. I have found that listening, without saying a word, eye contact, being there is the most effective. When I have been hurting, what has helped me is having a person be silent as I…"
Jan 25
phyllis replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"My husband to whom I was married 62 and a half years died  the end of August 2019, after being sick a long time.  Sorry, it hasn't gotten easier, not even a little bit.  My grown children are trying to help but they have their…"
Jan 20
phyllis replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"English is just  a language of words. In times of real trouble, words are often inadequate.  Sometimes a hug, or a shrug of the shoulders, or some other physical gesture is more expressive and says more than words.  I would rather…"
Jan 20
dolly replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"So sorry to hear you are sad Mark...you know you have many friends here...there is nothing like talking to others going through what you are going through..others may be polite but simply can not relate. Keep posting here and you will have…"
Jan 20
dolly replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"MishyB   I think we all ask dumb questions when we don't know what to say..we don't mean harm, just want to communicate and help....but depending on one's mood it will hit us differently. I always thought that question was…"
Jan 20
phyllis replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"Communicating with people usually means using words.  Sometimes it is easier to just grab someone and hug them and cry with them, or nod your head and look reassuringly at them. Words will never suffice to make someone who has had a great loss…"
Jan 19
Lisa_says replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"Same here, it's been a year for me.  I generally respond with "hanging in there".  Hugs to you"
Jan 11
GreenSofie replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"I live in a small community. Haven't been to the grocery store or anywhere in "town" without being asked this question in the 14 months since my husband died. The first thing I realized was that "How are you?" is a caring…"
Jan 11
MrsHill2015 replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"Hi again,  Oh! Ok. Sorry i guess i read your reply with too much emotion :-) You're very right. You don't know til you know. I like your positive attitude. It will hurt, it will hurt still. But we will be ok.  Wishing you the…"
Jan 9
MrsHill2015 replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"Hi Mark,  Your response made me cry. Im sorry that you're dealing with this alone. This is an indescribably painful journey. Im almost 6 months out since unexpectedly losing my husband. Im sure that at 3 years you still have moments. I…"
Jan 6
NoLongerInBergenJC replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"This is good advice.  People mean well but don't know what to say.  Accept in the spirit in which it was meant and don't dwell on it if it is insensitive.  To do otherwise does nothing but make things worse.  The stupid…"
Jan 6
Rich replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"In all fairness it think people mean the best but it is an awkward situation for them especially if they have never experienced the death of someone very close. I found it best not to focus on such comments and even some real stupid and insensitive…"
Jan 6
MrsHill2015 replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"Hi Frank,  I totally agree. My husband unexpectedly and shockingly passed almost 6 months ago. I am 38, was 37 when he passed and was 7 and a 1/2 months pregnant with our 4th child. I gave birth 8 days later, without my husband. Baby was a…"
Jan 6
Melissa replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"I openly told many of the people close to me after Skip's death that "How are you?" was a hard question for me to answer. Sometimes I'll answer as though they added "...right now?" to the end of the question. Sometimes…"
Jan 5
vintage56(barb) replied to MishyB's discussion Is it just me, or is "How are you?" a dumb question to ask a widow?
"I had an acquaintance ask that a few weeks after Frank died (and he KNEW) and I said, "OK". He came back with "Just OK?" Really? I am supposed to be fantastic after losing my husband, just so you can feel good? smh."
Jan 4

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At 9:31am on July 24, 2011, Lee said…

Patricia is new and she also lives in Puyallup.  I live by the Fairgrounds and she lives up on South Hill.  Speaking of Fairgrounds, if you ever decide to go let me know.  I live one block from the wooden roller coaster and you can park for free in my yard.

 

At 10:03am on March 11, 2011, Dianne in Nevada said…
Hi MishyB.  Just checking in to see how you're doing since you haven't posted this week.  We're still here and it's getting more active.  Have you tried the chat room yet?
At 11:27am on March 2, 2011, CrazyWidow said…
Hello and Welcome Mishy!  Good to see you're already getting involved - I hope you can find some great and relatable friends here!
At 11:06am on February 27, 2011, Dianne in Nevada said…

Hi MishyB.  I see we're in the same 3 groups.

I lost my husband Sept. 22, 2010 after a 4+ year battle with multiple myeloma, a blood cancer. I'm 59 and we were married 41 years. This group was quite active when I first joined, but now seems to go a few days without posts. Stay with it - I think it will be worth it.  I'll send you a friend request and we can perhaps get better acquainted.

At 9:34am on February 27, 2011, wannabmartha said…

Hi MishyB,

I'm happy to meet you and glad you've joined the group. I look forward to getting to know you and see how we can help one another and others here in "Widowed Village". I'm only sorry for the reason you're here. Take care

At 8:23am on February 25, 2011,
VOLUNTEER
Soaring Spirits
said…
Welcome back dear! :-)
 
 
 

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