"Dan's other "best" friend, (me being the first) hasn't contacted me in months. Other than liking certain comments I post on Dan's Facebook page. I mean, we were friends for 14 years, I'm his best friend's widow.…"
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MrsD
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I can't stand the guilt
Started this discussion. Last reply by jillhk Jan 13. 14 Replies 3 Likes
My husband died of liver failure almost four weeks ago. He was an alcoholic; I knew that, but he somehow convinced me and himself he could handle drinking socially. I knew that wasn't right, but I…Continue
What am I supposed to be doing?
Started this discussion. Last reply by Sabra Jan 4. 12 Replies 0 Likes
My husband died three weeks ago. All I want to do is crawl into our bed and sob until I die basically. But I have a three month old daughter. So I have to take care if her. Also, I had to go back to…Continue
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Latest Activity
MrsD replied to Dianne in Nevada's discussion For those who do not want to date ...
"I don't think it's silly at all. I think it's interesting that we place so much value on monogamus love, but in the afterlife such a wonderful concept just goes right out the window.
I used to watch that show Sister Wives. I found it…"
MrsD commented on Phyllis's blog post Friendships
"I don't think you're being selfish, I think you're tolerating a lot more than I would. I'd be like, wow, that's too bad, but my husband died, so you see, I'm all out of flying fucks to give."
MrsD replied to Robinmo's discussion Do you have a hard time being sympathetic to your friends?
"And other widows. I do feel sympathy for other widows, and people who've lost a child."
MrsD replied to Robinmo's discussion Do you have a hard time being sympathetic to your friends?
"Honestly, I have become pretty much completely unsympathetic. I simply don't care about anything except my daughter and the fact that my husband is dead."
MrsD replied to Supa Dupa Fresh's discussion What is the most insensitive thing someone has said to you about your loss?
"I hardly ever answer my phone anymore. If people don't like it that's too effin bad. The only person I want to talk to is dead. So unless the call is coming from someone who watches my daughter, I don't feel obligated to answer."
MrsD commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Suddenly widowed
"I think there will always be a part of me that can't believe he died. Part of that may be due to the circumstances."
MrsD commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2012
"I was watching a widow on Long Island medium. She said, "I miss him more now than I did five seconds ago." It's really true. It just keeps getting harder and harder and everybody asumes that it gets easier."
MrsD replied to Michigan Girl's discussion Heaven
"I've heard that conceot too and I think it is complete horseshit. I think it probably came from a time when it was an economic necessity for widows and widowers to remarry quickly. But from everything I've heard from people about signs…"
MrsD commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Born in the 70s
"Justjen, to answer your question, YES!!!!!!! Totally jealous that I have years of loneliness ahead of me instead of years of memories behind me."
MrsD commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Suddenly widowed
"A friend of Dan's posted on his FB wall today that he visited her in a dream. It kind of upset me because a medium I saw said those take a tremendous amount of energy and are therefore extremely rare. So why is he visiting her? I have dreams…"
MrsD commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Suddenly widowed
"You can send people messages. Click on their name and it will take you to their page. On the left side click send a message."
MrsD commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Suddenly widowed
"I'm not sure what the obsession is with getting rid of their things. Maybe it's because I work in a museum. It's my job to take care of significant objects, and to me there is nothing more precious than the things my husband used,…"
MrsD commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Suddenly widowed
"Thank you I appreciate all your thoughts."
MrsD commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Suddenly widowed
"" MrsD. if you choose to honor your life with your husband than I pray you are led to change your thinking as time goes by." How is that not presuming to tell me how to honor my husband?
We all have our touchstones and I can tell you from…"
MrsD commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Suddenly widowed
"With all due respect, I must ask that you do not tell me how to honor my husband. I find it hurtful when people who did not know him or me try to tell me that my anguish or the way I live my life dishonors him. What he would want for…"
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- http://whywasntloveenough.wordpress.com/2012/10/16/no-idea-how-im-g...
I am stretched on your grave
And I'll lie there forever
If your hands were in mine
I'd be sure they could not sever
My apple tree, my brightness
It's time we were together
For I smell of the earth
And am worn by the weather
When my family thinks
That I'm safely in my bed
From morn until night
I am stretched out at your head
Calling out to the earth
With tears hot and wild
My grief for the boy
That I loved as a child
Do you remember the night we were lost
In the shade of the blackthorn
And the chill of frost
And thanks be to Jesus
We did all that was right
And your maiden head still
Is your pillar of light
The priests and the friars
They approach me in dread
Because I still love you
My love and you're dead
I still would be your shelter
Through rain and through storm
And with you in your cold grave
I cannot sleep warm
So I am stretched on your grave
And will lie there forever
If your hands were in mine
I'd be sure they could not sever
My apple tree, my brightness
It's time we were together
For I smell of the earth
And am worn by the weather
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Just one
Posted on April 14, 2013 at 3:49pm 2 Comments 0 Likes
There are so many things that we didn't even get one of as a family. We didn't get one Mother's day, or Father's day. Not one of our daughter's birthday. No Halloween, no Fourth of July. Not one single holiday at all. Not one trip to the park, or the zoo. Not one. We never had a family portrait; the only pictures of the three of us were taken right after my c-section while I was still on the table. We never all three got to play together, she was so young when he died. We never all laughed…
Continue Yoko Ono
Posted on April 11, 2013 at 4:57pm 7 Comments 0 Likes
"What healing? That's another thing most people don't know, but the widows of the world will know. Losing a husband is something you can't shake. It's not just a feeling of missing him. It's something more that could never heal. His loss will always stay."- Yoko Ono
I've been thinking a lot about Yoko Ono. What she went through. What she still goes through. How she continues to nourish her husband's memory, living in the Dakota, celebrating him with events. How, despite her loss, she… Continue
I've been thinking a lot about Yoko Ono. What she went through. What she still goes through. How she continues to nourish her husband's memory, living in the Dakota, celebrating him with events. How, despite her loss, she… Continue
So angry and hurt
Posted on March 29, 2013 at 10:59am 4 Comments 0 Likes
My husband had very little life insurance, just a basic policy at work. He did have a more substantial retirement payout, not huge but with some careful planning I could make it work. However, he signed up before we were married, and divided it up equally between myself and his mother. Okay, that makes sense, we weren't married after all. I believe he then just forgot about change it. It happens all the time. I explained the situation to my MIL, and she agreed that she would turn the money over… Continue
Shouldn't feel this way but I do
Posted on March 4, 2013 at 4:09pm 6 Comments 0 Likes
Every once in a while I think about what Dan would do if our roles were reversed. Specifically, if he would date or get married again. And I think he would. He was very popular with the ladies. Women were always flirting with him and he would have no problem meeting someone. I also think he would figure, my wife is dead, and I'm alive, so it's fine to love again.
This really upsets me. I know that you're supposed to feel that you would want your spouse to move on and be happy, but I… Continue
This really upsets me. I know that you're supposed to feel that you would want your spouse to move on and be happy, but I… Continue
Comment Wall (10 comments)
- At 7:49am on January 19, 2013,
Mford4 (Marlene) said… Hi MrsD. So much of your posts are how i feel too and it has been 10 months since I lost Pat. I just blogged about how someone said my memories should give me comfort. Maybe someday but for now they are painful because they just remind me of what I have lost. I am finding that if I keep moving and doing than I fall exhausted into bed...no time to think. I am glad you are searching for a new therapist. They all don't fit right and the hard part is finding the right one.
- At 9:56pm on January 11, 2013,
gypsie123 said… I agree with you, and I am not mad at people,and because I think I am older than you, I do appreciate their calls, concern,but you are right in the fact that for god's sake nothing, nobody as loving as they can be , and caring can replace the hole in your heart, ultimately, it is our loss, the love of our lives, our best friend,bitterness,and anger won't change that, I don't think,maybe ,a widow of a 31 years relationship,little by little he realisation that the one you loved,in his own way,demands for you to carry on,because your love was not in vain and carry on for others. Many people do not ever have that luck, to be loved , and love, so ,the missing is there, in a deep way,but can be maybe transcended to love passed on. not great comfort, but helps a bit I think?
- At 9:38am on November 10, 2012,
maddalena said… - Hi MrsD I am here but haven't felt as comfy as on YWBB. Thanks for finding me.
- At 10:44pm on November 2, 2012,
flohog said… Yup, I'm the same flohog on YWBB....I recognize you too
- At 2:14pm on November 2, 2012,
Lori said… Thanks for sending the friend request, This place has helped me so much again so sorry for your lose. take care
- At 12:24pm on November 1, 2012,
bj628(Bonnie) said… Oh, by the Way.. I love Snoopy. On my old car I had the decal , the same one you have as your pix...
- At 12:21pm on November 1, 2012, bj628(Bonnie) said…
Thank you for your friend request. I am so sorry for the reason you
are here, but I am so happy you found WV. sending ((((((hugs)))))
- At 7:52pm on October 15, 2012,
LaurieR said… Hello MrsD. I am so sorry for your loss. I never really know what to say but welcome to this site. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. I will do my best to help you. I will send you a friend request, if you wish you can accept
- At 10:13pm on October 13, 2012,
Joyce said… Welcome MrsD: I'm sorry for your loss but I'm glad you found your way to this site. I hope you will find the same comfort and understanding here at Widowed Village that I have. In the beginning I just read the blogs and posts and lurked in chat. Post and join us in chat when you feel comfortable. It is nice to be among people who "Get It".
- At 10:31pm on October 10, 2012,
wannabmartha said… So sorry for the reason that you’re here but glad you’ve joined us. You’ll find insight, understanding and support here at Widowed Village. We’re traveling the same road together some further down the road than others. Join a group when you’re ready to get better connected. Participate in a forum and/or chat anytime. If you have questions, feel free to ask. There is always someone around willing to help.
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