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Phyllis
  • Female
  • Florissant, MO
  • United States
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Phyllis's Friends

  • wannabmartha

Phyllis's Discussions

HOW DO I FILL UP THIS EMPTY FEELING?

Started this discussion. Last reply by only1sue May 17, 2014. 7 Replies

Don passed away from leukemia on August 14, 2012.  Since then, I have bought a new villa, cleaned out, and sold the home that he and I had occupied for 39 years.  I thought I was under control but…Continue

My husband's ashes

Started this discussion. Last reply by Gainesville Girl Apr 5, 2013. 16 Replies

Long before Don ever got sick, we had discussed in general terms what we believed as far as funerals go, and we both agreed that cremation was the best choice for us.  My husband comes from a Jewish…Continue

Tags: Cremation

 

Phyllis's Page

Latest Activity

Phyllis commented on Rainy (Misty)'s blog post The Transmutation of a widow: emotional metamorphosis
" I remember my first grief session after Don died. He has been gone six years next month, and I went to this meeting only two months after he had died. We went around the room telling our stories and the last gentleman said that his wife had…"
Tuesday
Phyllis commented on shellybean's blog post It's Not Heavier Than Yours
"The best thing I have learned from my pastor is not to compare my problems to others’ and say they are not as bad as so-and-so’s.   That is saying that you are not important. Everybody has problems, has a right to be heard, and has…"
Tuesday
MartyG (ver. 2.0) commented on Phyllis's blog post Not sure I’m making progress
"Phyllis...life is so fragile!! It pains me to read about your burden with your son. The love you have for him, as your husband Don did as well, is monumental.  I can think of no simple answer for you except that  to contact, if you…"
Jun 23
Callie2 commented on Phyllis's blog post Not sure I’m making progress
"Hi Phyllis, I don’t have any answers as to why you still feel such intense sadness after six years as to make you cry daily. I mean, widowhood is not easy and we are often reminded of our aloneness but there has to be a point when we find…"
Jun 23
Phyllis commented on only1sue's blog post Lonely in a crowd
"I do not have any grandkids, just one unmarried son. My family gatherings consist of my sister and her kids and grandkids. Never do I feel lonelier than when surrounded by family. I don’t fit into any category except widowed aunt with nothing…"
Jun 21
Phyllis posted a blog post

Not sure I’m making progress

 My husband passed in August 2012. I was in a grief group, an excellent group, for a couple of years and I was also active on this site for a while. I have not been on it for a couple of years. I’m not so sure that  I am making good progress in getting on with my life. I cry every day, not much, not long, but I still cry. I have one son who is 46 who has had a physical and learning disability since he was eight.  I am trying to think of good words to say this but I don’t know how much longer I…See More
Jun 21

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I am a widow of six months, struggling to learn how to be alone along with trying to learn all the "man things" of cars, home maintenance, how things work, etc.

Phyllis's Blog

Not sure I’m making progress

Posted on June 21, 2018 at 7:54am 2 Comments

 My husband passed in August 2012. I was in a grief group, an excellent group, for a couple of years and I was also active on this site for a while. I have not been on it for a couple of years. I’m not so sure that  I am making good progress in getting on with my life. I cry every day, not much, not long, but I still cry. I have one son who is 46 who has had a physical and learning disability since he was eight.  I am trying to think of good words to say this but I don’t know how much longer…

Continue

Friendships

Posted on May 30, 2013 at 4:55am 13 Comments

My mother used to have a saying - too late smart.  That reveals itself to me several times a week with new revelations about widowhood, grieving, being alone, friends, myself.  I am realizing the mistakes I am making and trying to correct them to get through this awful journey.  Even though I have a wide circle of friends, I am basically a very private person.  I do not grieve in public and rarely discuss my situation unless someone asks a more specific question…

Continue

What to do with the rest of my life???

Posted on April 22, 2013 at 3:21am 5 Comments

My Don died from leukemia eight months ago, on August 14, 2012.  He started feeling sick on the day he retired and was diagnosed a week later with acute myeloid leukemia.  He was sick for eleven months before he passed away.  I had been retired for three years before Don got sick and was keeping busy and happy doing some volunteer work, puttering at home, and having lunch and shopping dates with my girlfriends.  It was a good life.  Then at 5:00, Don would get home from work and my "real"…

Continue

Comment Wall (2 comments)

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At 3:47pm on May 17, 2014, Hornet (Cindy) said…

Dearest Phyllis, I suppose I have to label things...how I'm feeling, problems I'm dealing with, people, etc. I have been just floating around since Rick left...just floating. I feel so dis-anchored (unanchored?). Or maybe the word I'm looking for is 'detached'. The rope connecting me to my life was untied and I am floating out to sea somewhere. That is why it took me a while to respond to your comment.

I was contemplating on your statement that you had taken Don being beside you for granted. I'm not sure that is an accurate label.

I think you subconsciously DID appreciate his presence. If not, why would your normal reaction be to sit beside Don in a room full of people? After all, you LIVED with each other. You spent YEARS together. You saw each other every day. Why then wouldn't you seek out someone else's company just for a change? Someone new to talk to?

I'll tell you why, and its the same reason I was beside Rick at every event...you DID appreciate him. It was natural to be at his side...the place that beside him was 'home'. He drew you to him as you, no doubt, drew him to you. Even after all those years. He was your security. Your friend. Your lover. Your soulmate.

I hope you remember all those times...sitting beside Don, as I remember sitting beside my big, strong Rick...our legs touching, or sometimes holding hands, or his arm around my shoulders. I can still feel the warmth of it...smell his cologne...feel the texture of his arm as I rubbed it while we sat and chatted with family and friends.

It always makes me smile. I hope you smile too when you think of your Don and how connected you were. Not many people have that wonderful gift in their lives...but we did.

I wish you peace, Phyllis. I hope you are doing well.

 

At 1:15pm on February 23, 2013, wannabmartha said…

So sorry for the reason that you’re here but glad you’ve joined us. You’ll find insight, understanding and support here at Widowed Village. We’re traveling the same road together some further down the road than others.  Join a group when you’re ready to get better connected. Participate in a forum and/or chat anytime. If you have questions, feel free to ask. There is always someone around willing to help.

 
 
 

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