Oh how I wish I'd have known....Without ever having lost a person close to me before Jerry I wish I'd have known then what I know now. PHOTOS! Today google sent me a collection of what I was doing on this day four years ago. I was so excited, to…Continue
I haven't been back to Jerry's grave site yet. His daughter and I plan on riding up there with the restored "55 Bel Air he never got to drive and blast him some Freebird! I'm not really looking forward to that. I wanted to go first alone, when…Continue
I have been reading a book recently that triggered a memory of a conversation between Jerry and me. It was a very long time ago. I guess our age difference kind of forced us to have strange pillow talk... Anyway, without all the back story, I…Continue
I have heard so many wonderful things about some wonderful men and women here. Many of you have heard all about how perfect for me, my Jerry was. I love him plain and simple...warts and all! I love all of his many quirks and craziness. I was…Continue
If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be traveling on, now
Cause there's too many places I've got to see
But, if I stayed here with you, girl
Things just couldn't be the same
Cause I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you can not change
Since Jerry's death, I have heard the whisperings of people who may or may not be well-meaning. It is a really small town and everyone knows everyone. So, I expect that I have to hear things I don't like or answer questions when I really don't want too. Ignorance runs rampant around my town. Not everyone, most folks are kind or mean well even if they don't cut the mustard.
I am on the fence, should I fight stupid with stupid? Should I put my mask on and pretend all is…
I was chatting with a new member here at the village. She said to me; I hate this new normal. I echoed the sentiment. It's the same sentiment I've said and heard over and over again since, Dec. 14, 2017. I contemplated my new routine. It seems as though I'm in a persistent state of war. It's exhausting.
My heart and mind constantly duel, to the point of both physical and mental exhaustion. Most days I act upbeat; I even fool myself for a moment or two. However, my private war…Continue
This morning, I woke up and the first thing I thought about naturally was Jerry. He's been the first thing I've thought about for years. Usually, I'd roll over and snuggle; today I stared at our picture. I wondered what advice he'd give me. I wondered what was going through his mind two months after he lost his wife. Jerry was such a confident man. He nearly always looked on the bright side. He almost always embraced and adapted to circumstances beyond his control. I so admired his…Continue
Last night was the first night I've spent alone on the farm. My kids were here, but they are kids. My "step-daughter" and her family share 40 acres with me. They took a weekend trip. It was eerily quiet and dark out here. I felt really alone.
It's strange how little things like that make me feel vulnerable and achy. I ache for Jerry, he was the kind of man that made one feel safe. I was never afraid when he was here. There are so many small adjustments to make. In attitude,…Continue