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If The Dream is Big Enough the Facts Don't Count!

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Life's a beach!

Posted on May 19, 2013 at 11:02pm 3 Comments

May 20, 2013:  Ahhh Tomorrow...Fives years ago tomorrow I woke up in an instant and looked down at the foot of the bed to see something!  A shadow that broke into my sleep filled eyes and a sudden realization..That Cathie was looking at me with a smile.  In a moment she was there and then a moment I looked at the shell that lay there next to me and realized my life as i knew it was changed forever.  Five years and here I am with so many…

Is it LIVE or is it Memorex?

Posted on April 15, 2013 at 10:07pm 2 Comments

Memorex....Let it be memorex....because then I can rewind it and erase it all.!!!  

In the memorex world your living and we have the most harmonius life.  Our 4 children are happy, prosperous and great kids..they have given us 6 beautiful grandkids and we spend every sunday at church with them.  We share dinners and happy memories.  Photo's are taken at every turn and the memories are displayed on our walls with joyous relish.  There's the wedding of our daughter as she walked down…


April 1, 1986--27 years ago...

Posted on April 1, 2013 at 10:30pm 2 Comments

I'd say love is a magical flame, I'd say love would keep us from pain had i been there..had i been there! I would promise you all of my life..but to loose you would cut like a knife, so i don't dare..NO i don't dare!!!  Ah but I did, oh how I did. 

April 1, 1986...I was walking from my car to my condo, in such a rush to get my sons in bed for thier nap.  I had spent the whole morning standing in line to sign up for classes in college.  My husband had walked…


Falling on my face and ending up landing on my A#%!!

Posted on March 27, 2013 at 4:16pm 3 Comments

Grief is a thing that takes you to places you never want to go and trys to take all you have left to hold you together.  When my wife passed the first few weeks and maybe even months I was lost in a sea of regret and confusion.  I managed to function day to day and even survived the crudes, rudes, and even the attitudes that slapped at me almost daily.  I managed (by the Grace of God, only) to keep from crawling back into the alcohol haze I'd left behind me so many years before.  One by one…


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At 8:53am on May 20, 2013, T.Stew said…
I still have hope for my future. I know I will never meet anyone as perfect for me as Kathy was, but I do know that she would want me to move forward. I am seeing a therapist and she is really helping me to deal with my emotional issues. Like you, I have hope to met someone to share my future with, but if not I still plan on having a healthy and active life. I know that she would want that for me. I had kidney cancer about 2 years ago so we did have a chance to discuss what we would want for each other if one of us passed away.
At 9:50pm on May 19, 2013, T.Stew said…
Hi, thanks for reaching out. I'm at about 17 weeks since Kathy died and am still pretty numb. We were together almost 24 years. It's strange being alone and not being able to live out all of the plans we had made for the future.
At 8:18pm on April 13, 2013, Animal Lover said…

thanks for having me as a friend

At 2:19am on February 22, 2013, VermontMoon said…
I'm supping my first cup of coffee so not very articulate. Read your last post after receiving you friend request and I'm trying to hold all the pieces together. The short version is that my wife deteriorated and died because we were assured that the flu vaccine was safe for her and would be a good idea because she was immune compromised. She had myasthenia gravis, autoimmune neuro-muscular thing, and the flu vaccine send her into a downward spiral she couldn't get out of. Of course no one in the medical establishment we used will acknowledge it was that vaccine but the timing was clear. She was in a almost complete remission after surgery and within days of the shot started to deteriorate fast.
At 4:22pm on February 17, 2013, QuietHeart said…

Thanks SpiritWalker, your welcome was perfect.

At 12:29pm on October 8, 2012, Kelli Dunham said…

Hey the lesbian only it a forum thread or a group? I'd love to be a part but can't find it, can you point me the right way? Thanks also for the friend request!

At 7:00am on August 20, 2012, Cristina said…

Reading the words of Colors of the Wind, but without realizing that was what it was, little bits of tune started dancing around in my head...then I recognized it, at last.  Thank you for reminding of this song, it was one of my favorite parts of that movie.  Though my son is 21 now, I kept that movie, don't you know.  I love what you wrote about the tiger, and the kitten.  What a good image, to guide me forward, I hope before long more of my ambushes are by this kitten...thank you.

At 10:17pm on August 19, 2012, SpiritWalker said…

I am a Lesbian Widow.   My wife died from compliactions from a hep-b vaccine, after a ten year battle. I am a grief counsolor, minister, author, among other things.    Ppl who meet me think I'm more than I am and less than I'd like to be...if you can figure out that statement.  I have been here less than 3 days and already feel quite at home...Thank u all...If you have been in Chat..u will recognize this;"LIFES A BEACH-so keep a rake handy you  will need to rake thru the find the oysters if ya want a pearl!!!"   Hugs my lovelies...."

At 10:10pm on August 19, 2012, SpiritWalker said…

I am 4 years out and counting.   I have learned that this grief is an ever changing tiger and it is up to me to tame it.  I know as our life moves on and even if we find another.  That this grief thing remains it only recedes into the shadows and will pounce unannounced in a quick memory...but when tamed the pounce produces a smile, because now the animal is nothing more than a kitten and it wants my attention if only for a moment.  Only for a moment I can rub it behind the ears and smile and then it runs for the shadows wait for the next time it pounces and we will play once again..but for only a moment......

At 10:00pm on August 19, 2012, SpiritWalker said…

You think I'm an ignorant savage And you've been so many places I guess it must be so But still I cannot see If the savage one is me How can there be so much that you don't know? You don't know ...

You think you own whatever land you land on The Earth is just a dead thing you can claim But I know every rock and tree and creature Has a life, has a spirit, has a name...

You think the only people who are people Are the people who look and think like you But if you walk the footsteps of a stranger You'll learn things you never knew you never knew..

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon Or asked the grinning bobcat why he grinned? Can you sing with all the voices of the mountains? Can you paint with all the colors of the wind? Can you paint with all the colors of the wind?
Come run the hidden pine trails of the forest Come taste the sunsweet berries of the Earth Come roll in all the riches all around you And for once, never wonder what they're worth...
The rainstorm and the river are my brothers The heron and the otter are my friends And we are all connected to each other In a circle, in a hoop that never ends...
How high will the sycamore grow? If you cut it down, then you'll never know And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue corn moon...

For whether we are white or copper skinned We need to sing with all the voices of the mountains We need to paint with all the colors of the wind...
You can own the Earth and still All you'll own is Earth until You can paint with all the colors of the wind...

Look up there is a blue corn moon on August 31...two full moons in the same month....and never forget what thier worth!!!!

At 8:32pm on August 18, 2012, Cristina said…

Welcome to a place of solace, SpiritWalker.  Here you can say whatever you need to, and know you will be heard and understood.  I am so sorry for your loss.  Wishing you the best for your healing and also, know you have found a lot of kinship here amongst these kind and caring folk.  If you need to talk with people any time of day or night, you can usually find people on the chat room, and jump in and let it be known you need to talk, and even if they're joking around, folks will stop and listen and respond.  So much to find here, I can hardly keep up, but it can be whatever you need it to be, how much or little you need.  I look forward to getting to know you.  Wishing you peace.

At 11:01am on August 18, 2012, Suz said…

Hi Spiritwalker,

Thank you for your help last night. I am so aware that I need to get very, very quiet and spend some time going deep inside. That is where I feel God and that is where I get my connection and my answers. Today my best friend's son is marrying. I went out and helped and did what I was able and am now resting a bit. It is hard because it is my wedding anniversary but also and honor. Woody and his groomsmen are all wearing Jud's bowties. Tomorrow my daughter and I will go into the hills and spread the rest of his ashes. The airplane people opened the container (and some red crystal lite) and they are all over my clothes! I feel like I am "wearing Jud." I don't like that they did that but think Jud would have thought it was a bit funny.

All shall be well again..I know.




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Lesbian Widow lost my partner/wife of 22 years in 2008.

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