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AlwaysMrsLeBus's Discussions

What do dreams mean?

Started this discussion. Last reply by the rose Feb 21, 2012. 11 Replies

I had such a great dream a few nights ago. It was like Randy and I were having a real conversation. He was telling me over and over how much he loved me, but that he just couldn't stay. It was…Continue


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I am still trying to figure out how to deal with what has happened. I was 29 weeks pregnant with our first baby, a little girl to be named Jaclyn Paige. Her daddy named her... I lost him on October 1st. I kissed him goodbye to go on home from our friend's house, as he wanted to stay and ride his new can-am side by side. In a matter of minutes I got a call to come back. I'm still not sure how it happened but he rolled it. They were trying to resuscitate him when I pulled back up to the house, but he was already gone. I was able to hold his hand and touch his face and tell him I loved him before my parents showed up and took me to their house.We were supposed to have a 4D ultrasound and go to Dallas for our baby moon the next day. It was all he talked about that night. He was very excited. We both were. We had plans to wait another few months before we started trying for a baby. Luckily, this little angel snuck in on us despite being on birth control. I feel so blessed to have her now. She is the closest thing to him I'll ever see again and I'm so happy to have her. I am still in shock pretty much. I know he's gone but sometimes I have to think back and see him lying there to really come to terms. I know it's real but I still don't want to believe it.

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Like a truck

Posted on November 14, 2011 at 9:21am 1 Comment

So... I was doing "okay". I had "accepted" my reality. That is all still true, but some days it hits me like a truck that this is my life. It can be any random thing and the bottom drops out. I cannot control the hurt that I feel any longer. I can no longer tell myself that this is my life and I have to deal with it. The only thing I can do is cry like a freaking baby! Cry and Cry and Cry... and ask "Why?" over and over again. I know this is all part of the process. I just wish that I had…


A letter to my Angel

Posted on November 9, 2011 at 12:33pm 4 Comments


I have some things that I want to tell you. I am sure that you already know, or at least I hope you do. You have been the most amazing part of my life since we were children in afterschool daycare. We always had a connection that not many people understood in the beginning. Your dad laughed when you were 11 years old and told him that you would marry me one day. Hell, by the time we were 18 I would have laughed too. We had so many problems in that year. Like 18 was just…


1 month 3 days

Posted on November 4, 2011 at 9:33am 9 Comments

I have not written in a while... I really did not even realize because I have been so busy preparing for J. I got through my baby shower with flying colors. I actually had a great time. I laughed and cried, joked with friends, took pictures. Then spent the rest of the night with my mom, sister, sister in law, and my close friends washing and putting away her clothes and hanging new wall decor. I felt really bad when I laid down that night though. I felt like I had too much fun. I don't want…


Seeing it on paper...

Posted on October 27, 2011 at 7:48pm 18 Comments

I went to the VA and the Social Security office today to inform them of Randy's death. I had to sign some form verifying dates and information. In the section of our marriage information it said we began our marriage on January 12, 2007 and that out marriage ENDED on October 1, 2011! WTH?!?! What do they mean it ended?? I HATED seeing that. It was like a knife through my freaking heart! Our marriage is not over until I decide it is. He is MY HUSBAND. Not my former or late husband.... my…


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At 9:21am on December 8, 2011, SallyStarre said…

Congratulations Stormi 

At 4:55am on December 8, 2011, Dianne in Nevada said…

So pleased to welcome Jaclyn Paige's arrival.  She is beautiful, Stormi. 

At 3:13pm on October 18, 2011, thisstarwontgoout said…
hey Stormi, just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you, and i hope you are doing a little better each day. best wishes - Elizabeth
At 1:36pm on October 18, 2011, MissHIm11 said…
Thinking of you today!!! Please know you are in my prayers!!
At 9:35am on October 18, 2011, CrazyWidow said…

Stormi - Glad you introduced yourself at Born in the 80s - let us know what we can do to help!

At 4:16pm on October 12, 2011, rodsgurl09 said…
Stormi, I'm so very sorry (((hugs))) I wish you a healthy, happy delivery, and peace for you and the baby to come.
At 11:27am on October 11, 2011, MissHIm11 said…
I just saw your post on the pregnant widow page. Please know I am here to chat or email anytime. Being widowed is hard enough but doing it while pregnant is unthinkable. I was widowed while 6 months pregnant. Our baby is now 4 months old. Please use me! It helps me tons to be there to support others.
At 9:06am on October 10, 2011, thisstarwontgoout said…
The way you are thinking of it is similar to me. we are both so new to this. i'm not as recent as you but i hear everything you say almost like i said it. I think it's natural to be looking for someone as near as similar to you. but tracking progress won't really work. I thought i would feel the same things as others at 1 week or 1 month. But our grief can't be measured by time or by anything. it's different for everyone. We all react differently and our stories are all so complex. You sound like you have an encouraging attitude... i would be admiring you so much at 1 week and 1 day, and i still do even now. stay strong, for you, your baby and for him. - Elizabeth
At 5:32pm on October 9, 2011, Alive & Mortal said…
"Let me come in where you are weeping, friend,
And let me take your hand.
I, who have known a sorrow such as yours,
Can understand."
At 12:21pm on October 9, 2011, thisstarwontgoout said…
Welcome, i'm so sorry that something so heartbreaking brought you here. But we are all here to listen to you, any hour, any place. I hope you find comfort in us. - Elizabeth.

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