"I think Jerry is right. Your feelings are unique to you, and at 7 weeks and 4 weeks at losing your husbands, you both are still in shock, whether or not you know it. My husband had heart failure with about 6 months of knowing there were…"
"I agree with lj that a professional is better qualified to dispense advice. Unfortunately, I see so many times widows who are so sad and lonely that they make decisions thinking that will help ease the gut wrenching pain you feel when your…"
"That is a good analogy, Cristina. You are right. We all have in common deep, wrenching pain or we would not have sought out groups in which to belong and talk to other people sharing the same pain. Not all of our pain is the…"
"Thank you laurajay. I totally agree with you. I could look at everyone on here and really not be able to tell you how their spouses died, even though I may have talked to them a number of times. This IS a place to vent, to…"
"Shann, I understand what you were saying. Most of us on here do. Every death means something to someone, even the low life who shot himself in front of his kids. My husband was also a police officer, shot 5 times on duty in 1979…"
"You should not feel stupid or foolish. When you hurt so bad it is easy to fall into situations like that. You just look for anything to distract you. Guess I am lucky I have had no one really express an interest!!! You will be ok.…"
"I was told not to leap into anything before a year, relationships included. Yes, you are lonely, but also vulnerable and grasping at straws, if you had a marriage like I did. We truly loved each other. A friend of mine's…"
"Well, Juls, I consider myself somewhat of a slow learner on this subject. Mike and I did not have a lot of friends where we live, most were in Phx, 2 hours away. Since going down there involved having my mom come watch the dogs, we…"
"Don't force the dating issue. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do or feel ready to do. I was with my husband for 30 years, 20 married. It also was over half of my life. And people don't understand…"
"Neen, I hope you get through the wedding with a minimal amount of pain. I know it will be hard for you. Have a few drinks and relax!!!! I hope you don't have to cook for 50 people!!!! Try and enjoy yourself. Let us…"
"I don't think return to my old life is something I could do even if I tried. I just know that I "don't have the little extra something" I had either. I don't think there is any sparkle in my eye anymore, and with…"
"Steve, glad to see the huge change in you. You sound much more alive and like you have a plan. I used to see people write these things and be so jealous!!! I still am, to a degree, as I am still not ready to get rid of a lot of…"
"Thank you for saying that. Today at both grief groups I was able to talk about stuff without crying, also!!!! I know it's up and down, and this probably won't last long before another "bout" comes up, but for…"
"I will be 4 years next Tues, April 30. I was talking to a cousin yesterday about signs and such and other things about my husband, and for the first time in 4 years I didn't cry through everything. That was like an "AHA"…"
No I'm not on the site a lot either was just feeling blue & related to your past post. My email is karrasco@sbcglobal to avoid going through the Village just to send a message. How are you doing this week? I am really digging deep this week I'll tell you. I keep wondering when we are going to feel better. Don't you?
Hi Susieg..I am in Prescott Valley, I saw that you were in Paulden. My husband was a Vietnam Vet, he had been "Collecting" problems from the Agent Orange they sprayed down on all those guys, anyway he was diaginosed with Pancratic Cancer on June 6, 2011 and he passed away July 20, 2011 from it. It was already stage 4 when they found it. He was in bed and wouldn't wake up for me that Saturday, went to ER at VA they put him in ICU for 2.5 days, went to hospice passed that wednesday. He just turned 64 on July 18th. I am sorry for your loss and I am sorry we have to meet like this. I am so lonely and I miss him so much!! Good days...bad days...days I just don't think I can do it without him. I am glad I found this site, it is very helpful because I think I'm losing my mind sometimes I come here and read that the things I am feeling and doing are normal and they will pass. I have a LONG way to go on this journey, I know I will make it, I am strong and realize it is just part of my journey. I have to just know that I WILL see him again.
Nice to hear from you and sorry being slow to get back to you. lol been a little on the busy side here
Keith passed away from multiple complications of old age and cancer. He had, had throat cancer 25 years prior to his passing. Then heart problems - several MI's and bypass surgery, (complications there that meant they thought he would die within a few weeks) There was also bladder cancer and prostate cancer (neither related to each other or the throat cancer). He also had several mini strokes, siezures, a problem with his oesophagus shrinking due to the radio therapy for the throat cancer. Last of all came the falls, they became a problem when they started to cause broken bones, which happened very quickly. The last major fall was 8 months before he died and he spent 2 months in hospital recovering. The Drs told me he would not get to his 80th birthday, that was 6 weeks after discharge. We got him that far and a bit further. In the November the bladder cancer started to spread again and he was too ill to have surgery for it. He decided that he did not want the chemo and the sickness with it, so decided that he was going to ride out the last run at home.
I took him home from hospital that time and he stayed home until the end. The official cause of death was heart failure, kidney failure and multiple other conditions as well.
Looking back I'm not sure how we managed that last 6 weeks - not sure how I managed caring for 25 years either - but we did get through it and he died on 20 December 2010 at home in the lounge room. The sun was on his face and it was our Wedding Anniversary too.
We were together 27 years and married for exactly 14 years. Hard as it is to know that when our Wedding Anniversary comes around later this year it will also be my first Sadiversary, I do think that over the sadness there will be joy. How much more loved could anyone feel when they watch that sort of heroic effort.
Suisieg, Thanks for the comment. Strange, but peaceful knowing someone else who is walking this same journey beginning on the same day. Lately I'm finding things really difficult again. Not sure if it just grief, winter, Dave's Birthday the end of the month, then leading to the second April 30th. (Probably all the above!)
Susie, thanks for joining! It's very kind of you to be here while things are developing... please do let me know if you have questions. I think we're all still learning about the features and the best way to have conversations in this different space. Best to you!