"You are the widow. Pitch the fit. And then distance yourself from them in the future."
A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
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Susan J
- Female
- Alameda, CA
- United States
- Blog Posts (11)
- Discussions (9)
- Events
- Groups
- Photos (3)
- Photo Albums
- Videos
Susan J's Discussions
Damned socks.
Started this discussion. Last reply by jean Oct 15, 2012. 9 Replies 0 Likes
Is there some habit of your spouse's that drove you nuts at the time, but now miss like crazy?I was always a clean and neat freak. Jon was not. No way, no how. He could not get his clothes in the…Continue
Susan J's Page
Latest Activity
Susan J commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"Dianne, thank you! I have stayed away from WV for the past month because, although I miss Jon terribly, I am adjusting quite well. I am reinventing myself at 60. It took two years to really start the process, but each day brings a new surprise and a…"
Susan J commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"Yes, it would be lovely if I got a card from the hospital, his cardiologist and the mortuary, but this is reality. Wishing the facility burn to the ground is a bit unreasonable and hoping for an opportunity to spit in someone's face because you…"
Susan J commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"Feelinglonely,
As a former nurse, I can tell you that being surrounded by life and death EVERY DAY, is a painful job. There are so few successes. Do you want the staff to break down for every patient? After 18 years, I walked away because it hurt…"
Susan J commented on M'LADY's blog post Rolling of the eyes!
"45 days ago might as well have been YESTERDAY. I still have moments when the tears just flow. It happened in church yesterday when the minister started talking about being grateful. It has been over 2.5 years for me. The tears just are; they are a…"
Susan J commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"Jerry, I have no idea who decided there was such a thing as closure. It never closes. It just is. Forever. It gets different, but does not close. In my opinion, closure is some crock created by therapists who have never been here."
Susan J commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2010
"Feelinglonely and Goingon
I have reached a state of tranquillity. It's almost a surreal place I find myself. I'm almost 60 and the thought of dying is not so terrible. I assure you, I won't hurry up the process; however, I have lived…"
Susan J commented on Blue Snow's blog post The Getting Married Again Question
"Karen,
I understand the roller coaster and the brick wall. Sometimes, in our loneliness, we just need to feel wanted again. To think there is someone out there that wants us, wants to be with us. We have to get used to wanting ourselves before we…"
Susan J commented on Blue Snow's blog post The Getting Married Again Question
"Grace,
I am 59, we were married only 2.5 years and I still have meltdowms at 2.5 years out. It is what it is. Will I chance it again? Probably. It was so good, I am willing to put myself on the line again."
jean replied to Susan J's discussion Damned socks.
"I miss whiskers in the bathroom sink.
He always missed the garbage when throwing out the dental floss... no... that one I still don't miss. LMAO
whiskers in the bathroom sink... that one I miss.
"
Marsha commented on Susan J's event Our 5th Anniversary
"Susan, sending warm thoughts and hugs your way. I wish for you sweet memories that bring you peace, joy and comfort. (((((Hugs)))))"
Jerry replied to Susan J's discussion Damned socks.
"I know what you mean, I would love to have her back, with all her imperfections."
bj628(Bonnie) commented on Susan J's event Our 5th Anniversary
"((((((((((((((Susan))))))))))))) sending hugs and warm thoughts to you."
Joyce commented on Susan J's event Our 5th Anniversary
""Susan, thinking of you today, try to wrap yourself in your memories""
telechick commented on Susan J's event Our 5th Anniversary
"Thinking of you today. As the others have said, I hope you can smile through your tears at least for a bit. many hugs to you."
Profile Information
Susan J's Photos
Susan J's Blog
Makign curtains
Posted on September 15, 2012 at 4:05pm 6 Comments 3 Likes
In March of 2011 I moved into a new studio apartment. I had given away 80% of my worldly belongings, gone through Jon's things and donated most of them, and given up my large home in the suburbs. I went from 1432 square feet to 400 square feet. My new studio was on the main shopping street of a good sized city on an island in the San Francisco Bay. I moved over Starbucks. I have a movie theater a half a block away and a bookstore the same…
My voice is back.
Posted on August 30, 2012 at 1:47pm 7 Comments 3 Likes
I have always been a singer. I can't remember a time I didn't sing. I have sung with community choruses, opera choruses, church choirs and Synagogue choirs. I sing in Italian, French, Latin, Hebrew and Russian. And English if I have to. I guess I'm a professional because I have been paid. I have had solos by Puccini, Brahams and Andrew Lloyd Weber. I have sung Amazing Grace at more memorial services than I care to remember.
The last time I sang was in in the church choir, sitting next…
Continue Sainthood and acceptance.
Posted on August 19, 2012 at 11:14am 3 Comments 1 Like
I have been divorced and I have been widowed; the differences between the two are amazing. When I divorced, I remembered every single detail of everything he had done wrong for 14 years. When I became widowed, I could only remember the good things, the good times. I could not recall a single detail of any of his faults, and many faults there were!
As time has passed, Jonathan became almost saintlike in his perfection, a man to be revered for all time. Had we been Catholic, I may would…
Continue 
Comment Wall (8 comments)
- At 5:14pm on August 22, 2012,
goingon said… Some people don't make progress for years and years and some people just never make any at all, so if we're starting, it doesn't matter when. It's the how that matters...
- At 4:37pm on August 17, 2012,
Carol in Calif said… Hi Susan. Thank you for the invite tomorrow but I have another commitment. Please remember me next time as I"d love to join you guys. It's hard to find people who understand.
- At 3:04am on July 29, 2012,
hendrixx2 said… hi Susan,
Thanx for friending...
fred
- At 6:47pm on July 24, 2012,
Brandywine Gal said… You are in Alameda? I am in Alamo, I just put SF as it's general :-) I do get in to Berkeley, wrell I use to as I enjoyed some of the restuarants and nurseries there.
Weekends are difficult for sure. It shouldn't be any different but during the week my daughter calls on her way home from work in Walnut Creek.
Today is day 46 and I just keep feeling he can't really be gone, but he is. He used to travel a lot on business so I was use to being home by myself during the week, but then he was in the hospital 11 times in 5 1/2 months and I was always either at the hospital, taking care of him, taking him to the doctor or lab. Before when I worked I traveled alot, as in to China, India, Thailand, France, Germany, etc. So I'd be gone for up to 6 weeks.
We had been traveling more, and I hope to find someone to take a cruise and share the cabin for this fall. I think that would help me have something to look fwd to.
Mary-Anne
- At 10:11am on July 17, 2012,
VOLUNTEERSupa Dupa Fresh said… Welcome to our community.... I hope we can keep you company on your journey ahead. Please look around a bit and read this basic introduction to the site. You can find more information about how the community works under "Help!" in the navigation bar, and we'll send you a few newsletters with tips and ideas in the coming weeks. If you need a little more help, go to the Home page and look in the right hand column to see the link to a "Help Desk" form.
We all use the site differently, but we hope you feel comfortable sharing among us in the coming days, weeks, and months.
Big hug!
Supa
site founder and admin
- At 6:22am on July 12, 2012,
Arnie (New Normal) said… hi Susan J, Sorry you are here but glad you found us, this site has been very helpful in dealing with this ugly situation. I am Arnie From NJ and want you to know we are here for support and want to try to help you find your way through this tunnel of grief. I do not blog myself, however am on live chat. If you venture there using Firefox is the best for chatting. It will seem like we all have known each other for a while but not true, we all make friends quick due to our common losses. Welcome again, Arnie Roeland NJ
- At 8:16pm on July 2, 2012,
Israel Girl (Chris) said… Hi Susan! Praying for you tonight!
- At 7:22pm on June 30, 2012,
Joyce said… Welcome Susan: I'm sorry for your recent loss but I'm glad you found your way to this site. I know you will find the same comfort and understanding here at Widowed Village that I have. In the beginning I just read the blogs and posts and lurked in chat. Post and join us in chat when you feel comfortable. It is nice to be among people who "Get It"
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