"The clock continues to progress towards my last day at work on the 29th. A huge part of me is mourning another loss as I let go of this job and the people that saw me through my wife's illness and eventually her death. If I am…"
"Hello Sally, your post immediately caught my attention due to the date that Steve died. My wife died on March 6, 2015. The anxiety attacks, the surreal feeling, inability to sleep and eat are completely normal. We have all been…"
"Talk about a leap of faith!!! Several times in this group I have mentioned that I am so unhappy with my job that I was very seriously considering giving it up. Since my wife passed, I no longer felt the passion for going into this…"
"Mary H...I love what you say about living as if you only have one year left. In my case that could get me in a lot of trouble...lol. The first thing I would do would be to quit my job and spend that year enjoying life, taking each day for myself…"
"Imogen...my wife and I used to have those same conversations. I always told her that if she went first, I wanted to join her 10 minutes later. Alas, that never happened and here I am over 2 years later. Knowing the pain of the past…"
"Oh my gosh! I so understand the anger that people are feeling. I am at almost 25 months and I find the anger getting worse. I am not angry at God or the medical team. I just seem to be angry at life. As I have written…"
"Hope and Mary H...understand completely! This past week has been a real dismal experience for me. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am expected to care about things that have little meaning for me now e.g. as a…"
"To everyone that is new here and wondering if anyone else is feeling what you are feeling? I can say pretty confidently that yes what you are going through is what we have all experienced at some point. I remember the day my wife died, I…"
"NoLongerInBergenJC...that occurred to me too fairly early in this whole process. I found that instead of looking at other couples and being jealous, I too was looking at them with pity knowing that one of them will feel this pain at some…"
"danteprayer14, reading your post I could see myself in that so much particularly when it comes to the feelings of isolation etc. I think in the early days I held out for any little sign that I could find that would let me know that she was…"
"As I sit here and think about the fact that I am now marking the 2 year mark of the beginning of the last 9 days of my wife's life, I can't help but relive much of what took place in those final precious days. Had I known the days were so…"
"It's awful that many of us never get away from the 'if onlys'. Almost two years on, I still have those moments when they creep in. It also doesn't help that right now I am taking a certificate course in palliative…"
"Just.me...the siren on an ambulance still does it to me although not to the same extent that it did two years ago. I remember the first couple of times after my wife died, an ambulance would pass by my window and I would find myself with tears…"
"Oh Alex...I had no idea you lost your baby girl a month ago! I don't know what rock I have been under. Two such tragic losses in 7 months must be absolutely horrific for you. It seems when tragedy strikes us, it seems to happen multiple times.…"
"spiritual dragonfly...your comment 'I hate Fridays' jumped off the page at me. My wife died on a Friday morning at 8:20am (March 6, 2015). For the first year, Friday mornings pretty much paralyzed me from 8:04 which was when…"
"Mary H...just enjoy that new car. I have come to the conclusion that after what we have gone through over the last two years, we have earned the right to enjoy anything positive that comes our way. I am pretty sure your husband is…"
I saw your post about flashbacks, and it is so crazy - I have been having very minor ones since Fitz died in March, but this morning I was laying in bed, thinking about getting up, and it suddenly hit me. I saw him laying down in the guest bedroom, I stepped away to go get some water or something & then I heard him call out, "Baby, help!" I ran back into the bedroom saw him vomiting, turned him on his side, and ran for my phone to call 911. The vividness with which it came rushing back was startling. Like you said, it actually knocked the air out of me. I sympathize, man, that was intense!
Hi, Terry........thank you so much for asking. Actually it was quite a calm day. I had planned out the day so that I would be with friends. The day started with a "visit" from my dear husband who is still watching out for me. I had a friend coming over at 9 a.m. and set my alarm for 8:15. At 8:25 I had a dream and distinctly and absolutely heard my husband's voice say "Hey, aaaaaa" (like are you going to get up or not?) I looked at the clock and the alarm hadn't gone off. So, I thanked him and wished him a happy birthday. The friend who came over for coffee and to chat is a widower (actually my handy man) who lost his wife 1 1/2 years ago. It was nice to talk with someone with whom I could relate. Later in the day 2 good friends of mine took me to dinner (I actually laughed a bit) and then to a movie. Lots of people left loving notes on my husband's FB page as well as mine, so I felt love from all around. The day couldn't have gone any better, except for my husband actually being here to celebrate his own birthday. Today I'm feeling a bit tired; probably just a let down. Today is the 11 week mark. I know some bad days are inevitable, but I hope they are fewer. So sorry for the loss of your wife. Thank goodness for this forum where we can connect, relate, and gain strength and and understanding.
Thanks Terry. I started writing it more for my own therapy than anything, then realized that others were feeling the same. It amazes me that there are so many similarities in this awful place, despite it being unique to every one.
I'm glad it was able to ease you a bit. This is a very lonely road to travel, despite all the friends and support.
Terry, So sorry to hear about your Wife passing. I can't imagine the pain you felt and are still feeling by not being able to be there when she passed. Take comfort in knowing that she knew you loved her dearly.
Welcome to Widville. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.
Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here! You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place. I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.