I get you. I get it. Like you, in the last 4 years it had been my mom, my father-in-law,
my husband(the struggle), my oldest brother and now my other brother is going downhill quickly from congestive heart failure. Like you, I have horses that I have had for almost 20 years, but I don’t ride much. My zest is gone, but maybe this spring. I have at this time 6 dogs that definitely made me get out of bed everyday, but I did not sleep for a very long time and dropped 30lbs which is coming back slowly.
People think I should be lonely, but I am only lonely for him. I am ok alone with my pets
one of my kids moved back from Germany this year and it is nice to be with her a day or two, but she has a life and so do my other kids. My oldest is deployed and my youngest lives an hour away so we visit about 2-3 times a month as she works. I want to smile more than here and there, but you are right. I never imagined I would smile again.
I wish I could be happy like before and my fear is that this is my new normal and
that I will not be that happy person. I know the first year was a blur for me and I am sure that you get that. I hope that you are not alone during the holidays and feel free to reach out, but you seem to have a level clear head and a kind heart so hopefully you have people/family to at least share with. I am an intelligent, articulate, person and yet I feel “less than” in every way without him.
Tjtango I am sorry that we both share in this blah vision of daily life. I am sorry for your loss and I am sure that it has been tragic in the sense that not only was it ROUTINE, but sudden. I have never been like this and always an optimist. It has taken me all this time to even hope for some light. I long for optimism and light, rather than what I am. I am stuck behind a wall that I cannot find y way around, over or thru. I feel that there is something, but I do not know how to get there. I hope you are further along than I am with seeing the light and brightness, but even that is not far enough to where we long to be. Thank you for responding and I hope you have some family, friends or pets that are there for you
Welcome to Widville, Tjtango. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.
Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Click the "help" link at the top of the page. You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place. And the "chat room" is open 24/7.
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