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WhereNow?'s Discussions

I Have Forgotten How To Function "Normally" - Am I Getting Worse As Time Goes On?

Started this discussion. Last reply by WhereNow? Mar 7, 2014. 32 Replies

I've begun to realize that I'm actually doing less with other people, and becoming more and more afraid of going out anywhere as a woman who is obviously alone.  After Phillip first died last…Continue

Tags: anxiety, social

The First Anniversary of the worst day of my life - on 1/22/14, it will have been a whole year....

Started this discussion. Last reply by Joyce Jan 29, 2014. 28 Replies

It seems a bit ironic to me that, on the morning that I found Phillip, already dead from a heart attack for some hours, it was another gloriously beautiful day on the west coast of Puerto Rico, where…Continue

Anyone in the Southeast - anywhere within driving distance (500 miles?) of Atlanta

Started this discussion. Last reply by Tamara Nov 1, 2013. 13 Replies

Hi Fellow Travellers along this winding staircase of sadness:I am in the -maybe not so unique - position of knowing absolutely NO one who has been widowed - young, old, with/without children, new,…Continue

8 months since my beloved husband died and my grief is getting worse!

Started this discussion. Last reply by WhereNow? Nov 18, 2013. 54 Replies

We met after our "first" lives were over. Both retired lawyers, both with high-achieving…Continue

Tags: to, do, NOW?, what, death


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Widowed suddenly in January 2013. I am 49; he was 52. On February 25, 2013, we would have celebrated our 2nd anniversary. We were inseparable for the 7 years after we met and I don't know how or why to live without him.

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WhereNow?'s Blog

Happy Birthday, My Darling Phillip!

Posted on February 11, 2014 at 2:28am 4 Comments

Phillip died on January 22nd last year (2013).

Today - yesterday would have been his 54th birthday.  I celebrated it by buying him a birthday card and crying all day.

Just looking at all the photos, of him, of me, of us -…


So much misery in this world....

Posted on December 29, 2013 at 3:14pm 2 Comments

Every time I think I'm the sorriest person around, I read or speak to others who are so much worse off than I am. Tragedies, absolutely unthinkable, intolerable tragedies abound in this world. But who do I care about the most???

ME, of course. My own sad life of trying to go on and being berated if I mention my beloved Phillip's name, not to mention that the holidays stuck here in the office/guest room at my parents in New England instead of being on the beach in Puerto Rico with… Continue

Because Today is My Birthday ...

Posted on October 15, 2013 at 8:30pm 0 Comments

Christina Rossetti (1830 - 1894) was the sister of Pre-Raphaelite Poet Dante Gabriel Rossetti.   I read this poem to Phillip on my birthday every year until this one.

A Birthday…


I love this song - and I'm still astonished that I do!

Posted on October 10, 2013 at 4:52am 0 Comments

As a native New Englander, my attitude towards anything that sounded vaguely like "country music" was "Turn that off before I do something I'll regret."


I have now lived in Atlanta for 7 years and so much has changed that I'm relieved when country music plays instead of the screaming hate/violence "songs" that…


Comment Wall (30 comments)

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At 2:03pm on July 1, 2014, pipin said…

It seems like a long time since you were around to chat to. 

At 9:28pm on May 7, 2014, RiseAgain said…

Nothing  personal I deleted my whole friends list.. Maybe just running, i dont know. but I also deleted about 170 friends off facebook. Just need some time to regrroup. Im sorry. 

At 5:21am on May 6, 2014, Hornet (Cindy) said…

Hello, WhereNow? I'm sorry I didn't get back with you sooner. I have been trying to lose my mind...and I think I finally did it! Work, home, the 'half-finished' projects that you mentioned, have all kept me tied in a knot. Somehow, I found time to work in the yard. Mowed the lawn, planted flowers, stared at flowers, stared at know what I mean. I am a rambling mess.

It may not be an 'official' stage of grief...but I believe I am in the 'Sleepy Hollow' stage. Lethargic and empty. I say this, but on the other hand I HAVE accomplished things. I don't know what's going on. I tune in and tune out with the blink of an eye.

I was reading your last post about Phillip's grave in Alabama. I was wondering what you might think of this: Why don't you pick a place in your own yard to set up your own memorial to Phillip? You could plant your beautiful orchids in that spot. Maybe a little water fountain (like the ones you can get at home depot or groupon). You know, they have clay pots at odd angles and water flows through them making a sweet tinkling soothing. You could even have a stone engraved with a special message to/about Phillip and have it placed in the serene spot you make for him. You could place a bench or chair there and make it a place you can just sit quietly and remember him.

Its just a suggestion...but it would be a space that YOU have control over...not your inlaws. And let's face it, no matter what they did with Phillip's earthly remains...he belonged to YOU. And you belonged to HIM.

That space in YOUR yard can be for BOTH of you. (And the inlaws can just take a hike.) Ha! Ha!

I'm on jury duty this week...crap. I'll check in more often...promise. Hope you are taking care of yourself...whatever that means. I am thinking about you and wishing you the very, very best.

At 8:29am on May 2, 2014, TracyB said…

I live in Alberta

At 1:02pm on April 23, 2014, Hornet (Cindy) said…

WhereNow?, an orchidist? New term for me...yet another thing to admire in you. I can kill an orchid faster than anyone you have ever seen! Rick used to call my indoor orchid plants 'death row'. (Ha! Ha!) Dearly love my plants, but never mastered the delicate balance an orchid needs (if it isn't the hardy, outdoors type). But I admire them mightily whilst digging through the greenery at Pike's or Home Depot.

I feel the same way about the 'happiness' meter...I don't need one anymore. I am just existing right now, as you describe. Filling in time with stuff, with things. Looking for land in the middle of the ocean.

Today is 7 months...officially. I have taken it pretty well so far. I even went to the cemetery to pay off the marker. I stopped by Rick's place, knelt down and kissed his spot. I got misty, but didn't fall apart like I expected to. Maybe its the beautiful sunshine that gave me strength. I fair much better in the sunlight. The rain (which I used to LOVE) is just too gloomy for a soul fighting off gloominess on the inside.

It's funny, but I just can't seem to get my act together to finalize the layout of the marker. I chose one that is etched bronze. You can have actual photos etched in the marker! It is just beautiful. I don't want anyone passing by his place and just seeing the last name, a date, a flower. Only his face will do.

I was looking at the photos you posted and was thinking what a nice face Phillip has (and you too!). He looks happy...and what a friendly smile. You must miss him I miss Rick. Rick had a wonderful face too. His eyes would crinkle up so sweetly when he laughed...and he laughed often. (Would be great if I could figure out how to get his photo posted too! But its probably the user and not the web site.)

I have NEVER been to the Botanical Gardens...I've lived here for 31 years and I've never been there. Isn't that awful? If you are planning a visit there, please let me know. I am still working and travel pretty frequently for my job, but who knows? Maybe we could work something out. Its always nice to have someone to chat with that KNOWS, you know?

I'm sorry I carry on the way I do...venting, I suppose. 

Take care, WhereNow?. I'll be thinking of you.

At 6:12pm on April 21, 2014, Hornet (Cindy) said…

Hey there, WhereNow? I hope I'm doing this correctly. I signed up for WV in February...I think. (A little foggy in the brain from time to time.) I post in fits and spurts. Many times I try to pretend I am not part of this club...denial, you know. But I keep coming back and am comforted here...a comfort I can't get anywhere else now. I see you are past one year. I admire are still here. Hope I will be too...with at least one brain cell left. Wishing you all the best.

At 12:49pm on February 19, 2014, Schneesmom (Denise) said…
Here is the info about the soaring spirits gathering:

Here is your information for upcoming Soaring Spirits Atlanta events! Email not displaying correctly?
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Good Ol’ Comfort Food
Event Date: February 25, 2014
Start Time: 6:30 pm
Location: Mary Mac's Tea Room
Address: 224 Ponce De Leon Avenue Northeast, Atlanta, GA 30308
Cost: Your own food and drink only

Mary Mac’s is Atlanta’s southern food mecca. Join us for some conversation over sweet tea and down home cooking. If you try really hard you might be able to resist the temptation to take some of their homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast the next day.

Contact Info

If you have questions please contact Tamara Beachum, Soaring Spirits Atlanta group leader, at [email protected]

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To help us plan for our event and to let Soaring Spirits International (SSI) know more about you, please click on the RSVP button to the right for the next event.

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Do you know other widowed people in the Atlanta area? Please forward this email to them and invite them to join us. The most reliable way to find out about upcoming events is to sign up for our email list at Here's a link to the calendar of events that I keep updated on my website.

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About Soaring Spirits Atlanta: Soaring Spirits International (SSI) regional groups exist to connect widowed people with other widowed people for social gatherings and peer support. Anyone in metro Atlanta who has lost their life partner to death is welcome. This invitation is extended regardless of age, gender, race, marital status (at the time of loss or now), sexual orientation, or religion. There is no fee to join and no dues. You pay only for the cost of your participation in each social activity if there is one.

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At 2:10am on January 22, 2014, eliana said…

I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you as you mark this very sad day.  Please take care of yourself, and please, please be gentle with yourself today.  Love absolutely remains.

At 4:18am on October 22, 2013, my roses said…

My roses to where now  23rd October 2013

I have cried a few days back for the story of one of the widows on this site. I have been crying because of the terrible fires in  the Eastern States of Australia - totally out of control.  Today I have been sharing with a lovely friend, my  'talks' with Wes, and also a card which was in the  love letter box .  I read letters from 17 yrs ago, and the wonderful cards he had given me.. showing  his tenderness and care, his passion and his delight in being with me.  I was so moved that I put a new Discussion up on this.

Titled: Have you found a note, a card - an item, recently that you did not know about, or had forgotten from your beloved?  It was not about the PAST and all the happpy memories stuff that non-widows talk about.  IT WAS ABOUT NOW -  my  passion is within, it has not changed. 

I feel when I hear your despair and pain, that it is very like mine.  We are going through all this because our relationship is very special . We are still full of love, feeling - and its as intense as when 'he' was there.

  I was also moved to do a blog re stress, relaxation and sexuality.  

As a former counsellor I  felt that I should write something about stress, sexuality and relaxation from a book by Moshe  Feldenkrais.  How we are all so stressed and our nervous system cannot relax properly.  Yet to heal we must have the parasympathetic nervous system functioning properly  for complete relaxation.  Because it also talks  about sexuality (in case people feel this should not be in an open discussion. ) I have put the blog on the women's forum under private discussion.  All these sort of things occurred in Victorian times and were called hysteria.  Women were told they  should not have sexual feelings.  Even touch was a bit taboo.  I found the information insightful  as we are all operating on the other part of the nervous system which is driving us goodness knows where.  I hope you may find it helpful too.

At 8:04am on October 20, 2013, my roses said…

my roses  20th October 2013   

He came in a dream 

Who is the man I walk with but who is not there.

Who is the man I awake to every morning and say

hello to his picture – but he is not there.

How do I see him everywhere, in the places where we walked before

Yet he is not there..


But suddenly on one cold morning after months of waiting

Who was that man that came to me in a dream and  found me

once again. 

I had wandered far and wide, in search of him who made

life worthwhile, whose heart beat with mine. But without

success and woeful tears .

Now everything rhymes.


But now I walked into his arms, enclosed in a familiar space

of love and  peace.  Resting against his handsome face

my head upon his shoulder placed.

Who is the man who hugs me now,  the light has returned

because he is here.

The man I  love has found me at last.  Restored all the pain of the

recent past.

 I know that  I need not fear about whether you are here or there.

For the mighty peace I felt   close to your chest.

Is the realisation that  I am blessed.

For who is the man I walk with now , the man I awake  to every

morning and say.  Beloved I love you .  I know you are here

For you came and you hugged me  and  I know you are near.




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