bigfatchunkylover57's Page

Today marks 16 years to the day since the first kiss...no, not my first kiss...not her first kiss...our first kiss. I wrote about it on my "other" blog.

Here's what I didn't write there, the questions that run through my head all the time:

It's times like these I can't help but wonder if she'd still be alive if we hadn't kissed that night? If "we" hadn't become "us"? Who…

I woke up, at some point during the night, distressed and confused. I had been dreaming about Sara again. I realized it's a dream I've been having regularly for about 4 or 5 months. In my dream she has moved out of our home. I spend my time in the dream trying to convince her to move back, to just come home, to ease this hurt in my heart. She never says a word. She just looks at me sadly, with love and compassion in her eyes. It feels so real. It hurts so bad.

Most nights I…

I went for a motorcycle ride today. Nothing new about that. I've ridden almost 10,000 miles since the weather warmed up to where I could hit the road this past spring.

In the middle of the ride, Creep, by the Stone Temple Pilots, came up on my playlist.  Part of the chorus goes like this:

Well, I'm half the man I used to be

(This I feel as the dawn)

(It fades to gray)

Well, I'm half the man…

I just got home from the movies. Went by myself. That seems to be the trend lately. I still do lots of things with my family and friends, but I find I'm doing more and more things by myself.

I was caught by surprise as I sat down and realized how quiet my house is. Seven months in and it still hits like a fist some days. Not that I don't expect it to, I'm just surprised that I'm surprised when it does.

You can read more on my "other" blog:…