"I'm so sorry for your loss. As for your dilemma, might I offer this:
I am a retired Marriage and Family Therapist. it sounds like this relationship is not off to a good start. There's a saying: If your family…"
"Maggie and Slick - 6 years out and I still can't read non-fiction. it took a while before I could read anything, but the not being able to focus on a newspaper article is disturbing! I know it's just "grief brain"; in…"
I think the worst are the credit card companies when they say they need to talk to the person who's name is first on the account, and of course, trying to explain that the person is dead, and if they find a way to talk to them, please let…"
"Lyn, I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know if I can add to anything that's already been said here. I lost my husband to rectal cancer 6 years ago. I know what you mean about purpose; I still wonder what my purpose…"
"Amg10 - I am 64. We were married for 31+ years. I have no desire to have another man in my life in that kind of relationship - intimate. I wouldn't mind a companion I could just hang out with, maybe go to dinner or a movie and…"
"Amg10 - no it's not just you. The loneliness IS brutal. I'm at 5 and 1/2 years and the loneliness is every present. And I tend to shy away from people, too... it's hard to put on a happy face sometimes. But it…"
"Dear infog213 and sipc:
You are both so very, very new to this whole thing. Be kind to yourselves and don't try to do what you can't do. I know its hard with young children; you have to be there for them, too. But…"
"I think cliques are a natural part of our social structure - even in elementary school there were cliques... and it's interesting as I look back how that changed when we hit junior high; most of the girls I'd been friends with since…"
"Hello Spunky -
I'm sorry the cohousing group didn't work out for you. But there are always cliques, as I've discovered. And as I get older, it seems harder to get into them... that is, it seems harder to make new…"
"Lioness - My daughter also was married after we lost her dad. It was a bittersweet time - joy for her and her love, and sadness that Don wouldn't be there. I filled in and walked her down the aisle. She wanted to do something…"
Cynthia, It surely has taken me a long while to get back to you. Getting settled here in ABQ has been much more demanding of my energy than I expected it to be! We did get settled though (me & my cats, all three of us) and are enjoying activities here. We've had no more responses to the region, though, which saddens me; it is so difficult to meet new people! Anyway, I will be coming through Flagstaff on Oct 5 on my way back to Yuma. I will probably spend the night in a pet-friendly hotel there. Would you be interested in getting together for supper at a restaurant or some such? Pat BTW, I like your photos!
Hi Cynthia. You didn't come on too strong. I moved to Flag knowing no one. My husband was a firefighter and EMT in Charlotte, NC. Everyone knew us. His funeral was a true firefighter funeral. After it all I finally decided I couldn't be there any more. Everyone knew our vehicle, knew me as Derek's wife, said sorry, gave me those looks. I am now teaching at NPA and I love it. I have grown to really like Flag. It would be great to meet up with you and have a friend who "gets" it. It's hard to make friends when you have gone through an experience like ours. Send me a message with your phone number and I can text or call you. I'm headed out of town most of July, but would like to meet up. Are you going to Camp Widow in San Diego? If you are, I will see you there.
I just read your note about your 3 year Sadiversary Saturday:(( So sorry Don has been gone 3 years! May God be with you --Cynthia + Don--- everyday!!it's been 18 monthes for me!! I Miss John!!! Cathy
Thanks for accepting my friend request. I talked to some women in our singles group who told me David told them I was the one, he was in love & they told him to back off b/c he would scare me off. I am at the hospital freezing, waiting for a steroid injection in my neck & terrified. I am so tired of being alone & afraid. I freak out every time I have something done b/c my husband's surgery was supposed to be routine.
Great! So, my real name is Anne. I don't know how to do the fake name/real name on this site yet.... I use "Germaine" because long ago, many years before I knew Bernie existed, I was a nun and my name was "Anne Germaine".... Bernie, who was Jewish, LOVED that I had been a nun and carried a small picture of me in full habit which he would like to show to folks we might meet at a convention or workshop... you know, "Would you like to see a picture of my wife?" ...
Bernie was twenty years my senior so I have always known the odds were that I would outlive him and have another life beyond ours. He was 89 when he died. I spent most of my sixties taking care of him and it was the hardest work I've ever done in my life. Ten times harder than therapy for sure.
What kind of therapist where you? I trained in CA, actually, with Erv and Miriam Polster down in La Jolla. Bernie and I both trained with them in '80 and '81. A very exciting experience for us both.
What kind of work did Don do?
......when you have time.....I think we have a long time to get to know each other... thanks for being open.
Thank you for for the encouragement! coming from someone who is widowed gives it validity! most of the time its said by someone who doesn"t know what else to say! Like "You Look good" and you think so I've always "looked BAD before" LOL I loved the post "things NOT to say" & wanted to share!! It's been 15 monthes now for me & I'll ALWAYS miss the ******####### outa John! I think my secret for appearing "STRONG" is my FAITH in Jesus Christ!! He gives me peace & the hope of Heaven! cathy=John Paul's=JP's wife
I just had to add--I always hate to hear the words "I'm Sorry" because A I wish the reason that people say that(my husband's death) hadn't occured ! B they don't take the pain away
I appreciate people trying though!