"I was referring to the grief stages that were written by Elizabeth Kubler Ross, who wrote those stages for those who had a terminal illness. The problem is when a grieving person expects there to be stages that will grow less and less intense.…"
"A lot of the time, family and friends don't want to bring up our loved one we lost for fear of upsetting us. They don't know that we need to hear their name; we need to hear memories other's have of them. My brothers would…"
"HI Charlie. I'm so sorry for your loss. You have just started this journey. Baby steps. Be kind to yourself and accept the grief and the sadness. If you hold it in, you won't make any progress at all, and even…"
"It will be 9 years in November and yes, I still have those moments and days. I will not not miss him. When my doctor asks how my depression is, I say I'm always going to be somewhat depressed and it's situational, not…"
"It's okay to be "picky". After all, this is regarding someone you would presumable spend the rest of your life with. As for you children needing a female influence, well, maybe, but I doubt they are not around other women…"
"Never. For a while I thought I wanted to date, but I didn't. There will never be anyone like Don, and I don't want to go through everything that it takes to build a relationship like we had. I can't see myself with…"
"I think you are terribly courageous. I will hold you in my thoughts. Sometimes it does feel like the universe is against you; I totally get that. My husband died from rectal cancer 2010. He had Crohn's disease…"
"Riet - I know exactly what you are saying. I have a neighbor and friend who complains about her husband all the time. He's a nice man, but I don't live with him so I can't judge. But she also realizes that she loves…"
"When I stopped wearing my wedding ring, I had mine and his made into a necklace with the rings interlocking, and sort of like and infinity symbol. I lost it while traveling once and it wasn't until I got home and saw in the mirror it was…"
"I know - we all know - what you are going through. And I'm a 7 ½ years yet I still hate to grocery shop because we did it together, every Saturday.
And it doesn't matter if it was modern or not; all that matters is you…"
I hear your struggle. I hear your questions. One of the hardest things I've had to do is make big decisions by myself when we always made them together. Yes, now you are stumbling, but one day, the stumbling will turn…"
"Dear Riet -
I too lost my husband to cancer. He had inflammatory bowel disease for the 31 years we were married, and he was always fighting something in his body - this terrible illness. He had rectal cancer, and that was what took him…"
I understand, its hard to not have your spouse next to you in a time like when your not well. I just recovered from a bad head cold and was down for a few days. You have to fen for your self and the days were long. It’s a Lonley journey to walk alone. Just one day at a time and embrace the memories you once had. Look forward for a new life with hope better tomorrow’s.
Cynthia, It surely has taken me a long while to get back to you. Getting settled here in ABQ has been much more demanding of my energy than I expected it to be! We did get settled though (me & my cats, all three of us) and are enjoying activities here. We've had no more responses to the region, though, which saddens me; it is so difficult to meet new people! Anyway, I will be coming through Flagstaff on Oct 5 on my way back to Yuma. I will probably spend the night in a pet-friendly hotel there. Would you be interested in getting together for supper at a restaurant or some such? Pat BTW, I like your photos!
Hi Cynthia. You didn't come on too strong. I moved to Flag knowing no one. My husband was a firefighter and EMT in Charlotte, NC. Everyone knew us. His funeral was a true firefighter funeral. After it all I finally decided I couldn't be there any more. Everyone knew our vehicle, knew me as Derek's wife, said sorry, gave me those looks. I am now teaching at NPA and I love it. I have grown to really like Flag. It would be great to meet up with you and have a friend who "gets" it. It's hard to make friends when you have gone through an experience like ours. Send me a message with your phone number and I can text or call you. I'm headed out of town most of July, but would like to meet up. Are you going to Camp Widow in San Diego? If you are, I will see you there.
I just read your note about your 3 year Sadiversary Saturday:(( So sorry Don has been gone 3 years! May God be with you --Cynthia + Don--- everyday!!it's been 18 monthes for me!! I Miss John!!! Cathy
Thanks for accepting my friend request. I talked to some women in our singles group who told me David told them I was the one, he was in love & they told him to back off b/c he would scare me off. I am at the hospital freezing, waiting for a steroid injection in my neck & terrified. I am so tired of being alone & afraid. I freak out every time I have something done b/c my husband's surgery was supposed to be routine.
Great! So, my real name is Anne. I don't know how to do the fake name/real name on this site yet.... I use "Germaine" because long ago, many years before I knew Bernie existed, I was a nun and my name was "Anne Germaine".... Bernie, who was Jewish, LOVED that I had been a nun and carried a small picture of me in full habit which he would like to show to folks we might meet at a convention or workshop... you know, "Would you like to see a picture of my wife?" ...
Bernie was twenty years my senior so I have always known the odds were that I would outlive him and have another life beyond ours. He was 89 when he died. I spent most of my sixties taking care of him and it was the hardest work I've ever done in my life. Ten times harder than therapy for sure.
What kind of therapist where you? I trained in CA, actually, with Erv and Miriam Polster down in La Jolla. Bernie and I both trained with them in '80 and '81. A very exciting experience for us both.
What kind of work did Don do?
......when you have time.....I think we have a long time to get to know each other... thanks for being open.
Thank you for for the encouragement! coming from someone who is widowed gives it validity! most of the time its said by someone who doesn"t know what else to say! Like "You Look good" and you think so I've always "looked BAD before" LOL I loved the post "things NOT to say" & wanted to share!! It's been 15 monthes now for me & I'll ALWAYS miss the ******####### outa John! I think my secret for appearing "STRONG" is my FAITH in Jesus Christ!! He gives me peace & the hope of Heaven! cathy=John Paul's=JP's wife