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Dlm94's Friends

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dlm94's Discussions

Purchasing Health Insurance

Started this discussion. Last reply by dlm94 Apr 20, 2015. 6 Replies

Hello! My husband worked for the kindest company (not an oxymoron in this case).  They extended our health insurance for 6 months (free) after Jeff's death, as a standard benefit   We have 3 months…Continue


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So well said!

Posted on March 8, 2013 at 12:17pm 5 Comments

I totally stole this from a friend's facebook , but it is so great-

“Grief can destroy you -- or focus you. You can decide a relationship was all for nothing if it had to end in death, and you alone. OR you can realize that every moment of it had more meaning than you dared to recognize at the time, so much meaning it scared you, so you just lived, just took for granted the love and laughter of each day, and didn't…


Survived it

Posted on March 2, 2013 at 5:20pm 3 Comments

It took five hours, but Jeff's friend broke through all the computer stuff and reset it. I told him up front that this was hard for me and he said it was for him too. We both cried!  Me, several times. He said he thinks about him almost every day. That was nice. 

You know, I rarely get ANGRY about the medical mistakes that led to Jeff's death. Yes, I'm involved in legal action to hold the responsible parties accountable, but I rarely get ANGRY. Today, his friend told me that the job…


The weekend, again

Posted on March 1, 2013 at 7:14pm 2 Comments

Friday use to be the day Jeff would arrive home from wherever he had been that week. If he scored an early flight, he would make it for dinner.  He would sit at the kitchen island and tell me all about his week, while I cooked.  Half of it was so technical, it may as well been a foreign language. I always appreciated that he thought I could follow that stuff. He would tell me about the customers he met, the restaurants he went to, the city he was in. I would be more than a little jealous and…


Great Day!

Posted on February 26, 2013 at 5:25pm 7 Comments

I had a SUPER day today and I am so grateful for it!  

1) I took care of some insurance business, I had been avoiding.

2) I finally made a call to my late husband's co-worker and asked for IT help. My husband was an IT guru and I haven't one clue how this house is connected. He worked from home sometimes too, so his desk area looks like a command center and has layer upon layer of security installed. The BRAIN to everything is in THERE! We have been shedding…


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At 12:48pm on February 24, 2013, LJ1 said…

Hi there,

I, too, feel like I am doing fairly well. My husband died suddenly on March 29, 2011. I have moments of "what if" (especially today), but for the most part, I am doing OK. I have a 21 year old son who misses his dad, but we have such a good relationship that we can talk about it often. I have a great supportive group of co-workers (I am a school Principal), and my mom has been widowed for about 10 years now. I am lucky that he had good insurance, so I didn't have to change my lifestyle all that much (of course, not having him here is a BIG change in lifestyle!). If you want to chat sometime, I'd be more than willing!  Laurie

At 5:21pm on February 23, 2013, katieb said…

dlm, I was so happy to read your post.  I am very comforted by your thoughts.  My husband died on July 27th.  I had 29 years of marriage.  It was an accident.  I am devestated, and I am mourning his loss daily.  I miss his voice, the sparkle in his eyes when he laughed, even his stubborn ways.  But I do not cry.  I dont rail at God, and I am not forever in pain.  My husband is gone,  and I am alone.  my daughter is 28 and has her own life.  I am looking forward to a new career and a new adventure in my life.  If I was a different person I might need to wallow, but I cant do that.  I will always carry him in my heart.  I still roll towards his side of the bed, I still need to listen to his voice messages, and i have not taken his name off the answering machine.  But I go to work and I go out with friends.  I am glad to hear I am not the only one that is not shrouded in grief.


At 1:52pm on February 23, 2013, Moving On said…

Hi, thanks for accepting my friend request.  I want to assure you that you are not alone.  I was not suddenly widowed although it seemed like it at the time. My wife had many medical problems and we both knew it was coming, but like so many, we didn't want to face reality.  Maybe, me more than her. :)  The day she died, I was devastated and couldn't believe that it happened.  After spending 52 years with the same person and giving them every bit of love I could, it was very, very hard to accept.  I changed my Facebook profile picture to show my wife, back when she was actually doing quite well.  I think everyone expected me at 72 years old to be the grieving widower for the rest of my life.  We had a beautiful service for my wife and, then the next day, I changed my profile picture to a runner on the beach at sunset, I like to run and I felt that was what I wanted to show for my future.  A few people wanted to keep my wife's picture on their profile page, but after I suggested that they change it to show their family and/or put on a picture that would represent their future, they changed theirs too.  I loved my wife with all her heart, but I also love life and believe that my wife would want me to be happy and to do all the things that we wanted to do, but couldn't because of her medical problems.  So, please know that you are not alone.  How you grieve is your business and absolutely no body else's.  If you want to do all the things that you had both planned on doing, then you should do it.  I think your husband will be happy that you are happy and doing something that he would do anything to be doing it with you.  Thanks again.  Many warm happy smiles and hugs Stan  I hope all your dreams come true!   

At 12:00pm on February 19, 2013, Suz said…


i am not a "Suddenly Widowed" but I read your comment about being "on" and doing crisis work and something just clicked. I worked in residential treatment for severely disturbed children for years and have also been a school psychologist and special ed teacher so my life has been coping with crisis. I too felt so loved at Jud's funeral and did not cry. In fact, I have felt extremely sad since he was my soulmate, enough sad, but cry at home and not a lot. I also get out a lot and feel happier when I have contact with people. I also appreciated your sense of humor (and your mother's). I am going to send you a friend request. Accept if it feels right!



At 11:47am on February 19, 2013, Wendy said…

There you are.  I am still figuring this thing out.  I live in Irvine, CA.  Where are you at?

At 5:00am on February 18, 2013, Brucer said…


I am very sorry for your loss.  I hope you find this site to be a comfort on your journey.  All my best!


At 7:21pm on February 17, 2013, brig_83 said…

 welcome....  my name is Bridget. i am 47 and my husband died on 12/12/12 of a PE also. i  awoke to him stroking my hair and kissing my forehead. i asked him what was going on and he said he had a leg cramp.. i felt it.. not hot or hard.... he said like a cramp .. i figured he  was on chemo it maybe an electrolyte problem... i message it.. he said it felt better... i havent told a sloe  part  but we made love...  he  he was ok...   i told him i as going to go shower and f he didnt feel right  would go to the doctor... i went n the bathroom took off my pants  he came in and said e had chest pain . i went to grab the phone d he went down.  i screamed for help ... nobody heard me..did cpr brought him back he said he was not leaving  and went  again. by then   my mother in law and son came and tried to get ems.. but as you said he waz lifeless.. and i could feel him go... was 615 in the am. 

it as my sons 15tb birthday.  Rob my husband was doing well...finishing treatment... cancer was gone.  he was healthy...never even took Tylenol... 160lbs.  

i am lost.... angry... sad... we had been together 30 years.... since high school... i fell for him the day we met... i was still ' in love' with the man... i could hardly wait to see him after work.. he held me every night.... sleeping has been a challenge. controlling my emotion ..almost impossible... 

i am selling our home and moving 600 miles away.  life is now a roller coaster ride. 

so here we are... so sorry for your lose.... i wish none of us had to be here... God has his own plans.... and i try  to question it... Have faith... know you are in a place where we all understand each other pain.. i am as new at this as you... so i hope we can be friends and support each other when we are able...  

At 1:11pm on February 17, 2013, bj628(Bonnie) said…

Welcome Dim,  I am very sorry for your need to join this club. I am happy you found us.

 You have found people who "undetsand you"  You'll  make friends quickly and hope you

 join us in chat.


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