Flash 71 - yes it is incredible that we feel so much pain and none of us ever thought it could be this bad, particularly if you have had other losses before. I had many losses but this one is the most anguishing, disruptive and full of a longing that I have never experienced in my life. My husband got a pulmonary embolism as a result of being in hospital. He was coughing blood when he came home and he told me that he had mentioned this to the nurses but nothing was done. I was searching to get help for him, but it was near Christmas and Drs were away. Luckily, he had no chemo or anything else to weaken his system. Eventually I found somewhere to take him and they diagnosed it and he recovered. I lost him in January 2013 but he passed away at home. No matter what I do, concerts, singing in a choir, coffee with friends - nothing stops the longing to see him. I had special prayers done over me and that stopped the wild, wailing and sobbing. Some days I can just talk to him or play music/sing to him, and other days I start to feel a gnawing emptiness in my heart. (Previous losses I felt the pain in the Solar Plexus) This is different.. and just comes in waves - sometimes with no reason I can see. I got through christmas but now its the 19th Jan anniversary and his birthday on 2nd Feb. I found some contentment by doing a Celebration of His life at my home. Music, photos, singing songs, violinist playing, lovely morning tea, showing pieces of our wedding DVD for those who had only seen him sick!! I would love to have a holiday but can't face travelling overseas on my own. So Flash you were not rambling but reminiscing (which is quite ok). I find that I also go down when people start telling you what to do, think you should do this, or should be over it. I find that if you have a love of your life relationship it seems to arouse shoulds, or verbal assault, probably because they can't believe that a marriage could be that good!
Welcome to Widville, flash71. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.
Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here! You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place. I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.