"Well it's been 14 mos, and 1 week. I didn't feel the need to get rid of my honey's things in the beginning. Now, I wish I did because every week, it's more and more of an issue for me. It might have been healthier to do it early…"
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grace28
- Female
- Gladstone, NJ
- United States
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I cannot say "he died" or "my Husband passed"
Started this discussion. Last reply by carolynne May 11, 2012. 6 Replies 0 Likes
I was pre-registering for my mammo this morning and she asked about updating next of kin info and I said that he had died. That was it for me. I cried through the whole Insurance info, etc. , info…Continue
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grace28 replied to Supa Dupa Fresh's discussion For those who have dated... how did you know when you were ready?
"I did "ourtime" which is for 50+. Met two guys. One guy met me at the movies. His photo was 10 years old at least. I bought the tickets online because he was worried about crowds, etc. He never offered a glass of wine/soda/popcorn.…"
grace28 commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2012
"Frank,
I think you're handling everything very well. Isn't it a natural progression that someone who had a great relationship eventually hates being alone? I know I hate it but my Husband and I had a few days to talk about it. After…"
Frank left a comment for grace28
"Hi Grace,
Thanks for the invite...
I could have used someone in Chat last night. Instead I put things onto "paper." We learned in Marriage Encounter to write about your situation and your feelings when confronted with…"
grace28 commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Born in the 50s
"I haven't moved any of my Hubby's things and it's now 13 mos. They tell me in support groups that I should. I don't know if it comforts me , anymore. Gotta think about it."
grace28 commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2012
"I am 13 months out. Some things have gotten better. When my Husband's friends call to see how I am , I can actually carry on a conversation without falling apart. I haven't moved his clothes yet but I'm wondering "does it…"
grace28 commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Born in the 50s
"Don't retire! I had just retired when my Husband passed suddenly! I wasn't happy retired but he was 11 years older and did want to retire. then, I had no job and suddenly no homelife. I am now starting another business. I quickly realized…"
grace28 commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Born in the 50s
"I thought it was getting better but it's not. I worry about it because I'm not that alert sometimes. Anyway, about a week ago there was a guy from a road crew holding up a sign on a small two lane highway, so I stopped. I was sitting there…"
onmyown left a comment for grace28
"So sorry for your loss and having to sit through that lunch. I am sure it was more than you wanted to hear/know. Give yourself time and don't be too hard on yourself. Wishing you peace."
grace28 commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2012
"I met a friend for lunch whose Husband has been gravely ill. I was dreading this lunch because her Husband is a close friend, He's in the same hospital, same wing my Husband died in, etc. I sat down and said "how is he?", hoping my…"
grace28 replied to Supa Dupa Fresh's discussion Dating and love
"I now know that I don't want to be alone forever. I'm 59! Based on my Parents, I'll be around at least another 25 years. I can't stand the thought of dating, however. Don't know what to do about that. I looked at the…"
grace28 commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2012
"Happy Valentine's Day really? Lost my Hubby of 25 yrs on 4/4/12, Lost my Mom on Mothers day, lost a house to Sandy in October, took my Dad who is 86 and has had 3 strokes for shots in his knees today and came home and for the first time,…"
grace28 commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2012
"Debra, I was widowed on 4/4/12 . My Husband was only sick for about 4 days really. It was a shock. The hopelessness of the situation haunts me! I couldn't do anything! He died of a flare of pulmonary fibrosis. One day you are planning a trip to…"
grace28 commented on Supa Dupa Fresh's group Widowed in 2012
"I am 9 mos out. I think maybe my situation was complicated by my Mother's sudden death 5 wks later but 4-6 mos were horrible for me. Don't know how I lived through that now that I think of it. My support group at the Hospital helped.…"
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My Mom died yesterday....what about her dog?
Posted on May 13, 2012 at 9:27pm 12 Comments 0 Likes
My Husband died 4/4/12 and yesterday my Mother died. I have a hard time staying in my house without my Husband. I'm not ready to move/sell anything yet. Now my Mother died and I'm feeling that I should take her 12 yr old heart broken dog but then I can't really leave my house for long. I'm really numb and not capable yet of making a good decision on this. I have a week or so. My Mom's friends are watching the dog and I check on him twice a day at Mom's house.
maybe seeing me depresses people?
Posted on May 6, 2012 at 8:39pm 3 Comments 0 Likes
I say hi to people on the golf course. They look like they're going to cry! I'm trying to be upbeat beause I don't want to be the widow people avoid but my Husband was a life of the party guy. Don't know what to do.
Comment Wall (10 comments)
- At 7:22pm on May 6, 2013,
Frank said… Hi Grace,
Thanks for the invite...
I could have used someone in Chat last night. Instead I put things onto "paper." We learned in Marriage Encounter to write about your situation and your feelings when confronted with difficult situations or problems. Then, discus it with your spouse. I could not do that. So I wrote about what was going on in the 2012 group. I probably should have just written it out on actual paper, and then thrown it away. But this site seemed more appropriate.
I look forward to chatting with you later.
Frank
- At 7:16pm on March 21, 2013,
onmyown said… So sorry for your loss and having to sit through that lunch. I am sure it was more than you wanted to hear/know. Give yourself time and don't be too hard on yourself. Wishing you peace.
- At 9:10pm on January 9, 2013,
brig_83 said… all I can say is agreed !! People do not think before they speak
- At 9:45pm on November 22, 2012,
kit10cat said… Thanks for the invite. My husband was a golfer as well. I am so happy that our friends still include me in so many events, but it is still hard.
- At 10:52am on July 27, 2012,
Cristina said… Grace, Did you get the info on the medium that I sent with the friend request? If not, write me back....and, best of luck with that. I am still feeling a great lifting of sorrow from the session last week. What a blessing!!!
Cristina
- At 12:08am on June 22, 2012,
CP13 said… Grace,
I am sorry for your loss and I apologize for not responding sooner. My partner of 24 years, Sally was toxic on methotrexate (medication for rheumatoid arthritis). In Mar, 2011, the doctor said she had the pulmonary fibrosis (caused by the toxicity of the medication) and she gave her a couple of years. She had more complications, though and in May she had a ruptured bowel or intestine. She was on a blood thinner so they couldn't operate. So...we never really experienced the horror of what the pulmonary fibrosis can do. Sounds like you experienced a similar thing with the prognosis being years and the reality being months.
You also experienced 2 significant losses so close. (I had 4 years in a row with paternal grandmother, maternal grandmother, mother, and then partner)
Be gentle with yourself.
CP13
- At 5:44pm on May 23, 2012,
VOLUNTEERSupa Dupa Fresh said… Welcome to our community.... I hope we can keep you company on your journey ahead. Please look around a bit and read this basic introduction to the site. You can find more information about how the community works under "Help!" in the navigation bar, and we'll send you a few newsletters with tips and ideas in the coming weeks. If you need a little more help, go to the Home page and look in the right hand column to see the link to a "Help Desk" form.
We all use the site differently, but we hope you feel comfortable sharing among us in the coming days, weeks, and months.
Big hug!
Supa
site founder and admin
- At 10:41pm on May 4, 2012,
Joyce said… Welcome grace: I'm sorry for your loss but I'm glad you found your way to this site. I know you will find the same comfort and understanding here at Widowed Village that I have. In the beginning I just read the blogs and posts and lurked in chat. Post and join us in chat when you feel comfortable. It is nice to be among people who "Get It".
- At 6:45pm on May 4, 2012,
Lisa (lost) Lamb said…
I'm so sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you've joined us. None of us ever wanted to be on this journey, but now that we are there is no reason for us to travel it alone. I hope you will find peace comfort and friendship here just like I have. Welcome.
- At 3:15pm on May 4, 2012,
Arnie (New Normal) said… - Hi, I am so sorry for your loss, yet I am glad you found us. You will find some great help here on the site. The relationships you will build with all of the great people here. We are all on the other side of life now and only we can really understand how you feel. I am on chat quiet often and it is scary and overwhelming at times in the beginning. I would like to offer a bit of assistance when you are ready to use the chat room.
1. I always advise you to watch for a bit, the room gets busy sometimes is hard to follow at first.
2. You will see some joking and even laughter, you will also see tears and breakdowns. The people here are here for support and to be supported by peers.
3. Looking at the chat you will see that the left window has a sliding bar that tells you who is online (they may be on another part of the site though)
4. If you click on a name in the side bar this should open up a private chat or PC as we call it.
5. I f you receive a PC a red # will show under the main lobby, with the name and icon of the person it is from or if you sent it to someone
6. Your first entry:
This is hit or miss, it really depends on when you jump in. If lots of folks are chatting you can easily get missed so don't give up. I recommend just saying "Hi, I am new and give whatever info you want" (hi I am Arnie From NJ and today I am 3 months and 3 days out) this way if others are from NJ they may want to know more.
7. BE READY:
Ok once you do go into the lobby be ready as the questions are needed and they are sometimes gentile. However sometimes the questions fly at you. Please take your time here, as if this loss is new for you this may open you up emotionally, and it is normal to feel this and from what i am told a needed part of trying to begin to live again.
8. Questions you may be asked are: How long has it been? Where do you live? How did it happen? Do you have a support group or family? These seem like easy questions but we never know what will trigger tears.
9. Most people on the chat are women as of now but the men that are involved are very respectful and sometimes fun.
10. Remember almost no one knew each other until they came here.
11. Good luck and I sent you a friend request, lets face it near or far we need support, and with so many from around the world there is almost always someone on.
I hope this long winded letter helps you in the beginning and again SO SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS.
Sincerely Sorry,
Arnie / arthur09265
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