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katjames
  • Female
  • Austin, TX
  • United States
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katjames's Discussions

Retreat experiences?

Started this discussion. Last reply by katjames Jan 18, 2015. 2 Replies

Has anyone been to any retreats in the last few years that were especially meaningful and good????   I know there is Camp Widow, but I'm wondering if anyone has any organization they can recommend.…Continue

Katjames's Friends

  • angioguy (Joe)
  • momof3
  • Linda
  • my roses
  • Hope
  • eliana
  • laurajay
  • Midlo777 (steve)
  • Patience
  • Mac
  • sunchaser
  • Petal
  • Wade1971
  • Barbie Doll
  • Cristina
 

katjames's Page

a little about me

I lost my husband, Edd, in March 2012.  He fought a long battle with colon cancer.  He was only 57 years old.  I took care of him almost 4 years as he endured surgeries, infections, chemo, radiation, painful side effects... He died looking into my eyes.  Still working through the hurt and PTSD that lingers.  Losing him has been painful in the extreme....missing him continues.  His strength and courage amazed and inspired me.... but also broke my heart.  Still figuring out how to put it back together again.   Love never dies....

Katjames's Blog

a proper burial

Posted on August 4, 2014 at 3:00pm 5 Comments

We all keep things that are important to us.  I have date books and calendars that I've saved from several years back.  I have emails from over ten years ago.   It was interesting when going through my mom's things after she passed away that she had quite a few past years' calendars too.  Part of it for me is not trusting my memory and wanting to ensure some events, thoughts and dates aren't lost forever.

But today I threw away a whole lot …. papers and notebooks that were…

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the I-35 corridor

Posted on August 1, 2014 at 4:20pm 3 Comments

Today I did it again.  I took the road well traveled.  The I-35 corridor between Austin and San Antonio. 

The first time we met he came from Austin down this road.   I traveled the same highway up from San Antonio and we met in between.  I don't know if I believe in love at first sight, but I knew he was a keeper and I wanted to make him happy.  It was the beginning of many… plenty, numerous, hundreds … of identical trips.  All so we could see each other.  He'd leave…

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stuck

Posted on March 7, 2014 at 11:00am 6 Comments

I feel stuck... and yet restless.  There is a part of me that wants to go out and get busy and be more productive and then there is that other part that wants to protect myself.  Stay cocooned and surround myself with peace and tranquility.   The uncomfortable truth is that I feel I sacrificed enough.  I've given up enough.  I've given away enough of myself over my lifetime.  And I'm tired of giving myself away.

Before meeting Edd I gave myself away in a 20-year marriage that…

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dreams and memories

Posted on January 17, 2014 at 11:17am 0 Comments

Memories DO light the corners of our mind....
Life is full of them isn't it?  There are so many thoughts going around in our mind throughout the day and through the night.  Often I'll wake with a thought and wonder now WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?    Some thoughts are awakened while we sleep.  I just wish I…
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At 8:25pm on November 15, 2013, my roses said…

My roses 16th November 2013 

Dear  Katjames  I am going to a concert tonight ON MY OWN.  The first time since Wes left.  All l can do today is share this song with you.

ALL FOR LOVE   by Michael Bolton

The night becomes the dawn
To prove that love goes on
It's written in the stars and in my heart of hearts
With you is where I still belong
Through every page we turn
Each lesson that we've learned
Will finally set us free or bring us to our knees
But love is right and never wrong

We know we can say we gave it all
We gave it all for love
Each step of the way we gave our soul
We gave it all for love. All for love

In silent prayers I pray
What words could never say
To reach into your heart
No matter where you are
To promise we will find a way
To walk the road we've known
The road that leads us home
A million dreams
I've dreamed in every one I've seen
The face of you and you alone

A lifetime goes by so fast
For the secrets that remain
Soon the future becomes the past
When I hold you again.
I'm gonna hold you forever

In silent prayers I pray
What words could never say
To reach you through the dark
To reach deep into your heart
And promise we will find a way
As night becomes the dawn
To prove that love goes on
Through every page we turn
Each lesson that we've learned
Will finally set us free or bring us to our knees
But love is right and never wrong we give it all for love

At 7:24am on October 13, 2013, my roses said…

My Roses  13th October

In all this chaos of longing for my Wes, I have said  I  am not sure I can go on being this stressed and  foggy brained.  Being this  different person and spending  years like this.  So yesterday sat and thought about the Widows comments made on this site.  The tentative journey in meeting someone else. And should we do so.All the thoughts that are raised on this site.  So decided to look at it very matter of factly:  What would I look for in a new companion?  This is all a mental exercise folks not from the heart.  But  I would make a list to try and sort out  the longing from the need to tackle this subject once and for all.  So what criteria would I have?

Realise it is HIGHLY UNLIKELY  to be like the former Love of Your Life Relationship

1.  I think  they would have to be a widower… No one else would have

    the compassion/understanding.

2.  Age would not really matter  could be younger than me.

3.   Usual sharing of  thoughts, values, interests.

4.   Spiritual aspect… would this companionship jeapardise my former 

        Love of Life     Relationship in eternity?  Have to ask God about that!

5.  Should really ask God to find this new companion so it would not  jeapardise  Item4.

6.  Be able to show affection and love.

7.  Be able to love me even though I have been dragged through a hedge backwards!

8.  I must be able to look fondly upon him and think of him as a lovely  

     person  and a godly soul.

9.  Similar looks would play a part (not going to be rigid about this) but 

              could  withstand  a change of hair colour!

10.  Must have blue eyes I think.

11.  Feel we would need to be playful after all this serious bereavement stuff which is   taking the “stuffing” out of us.

12.  Not have step children who are going to oppose every possibility of  us

        being  together or happy.  Also for me to be able to love their children.

13  As a Christian -  marriage would have to take place… (it is written no

sexuality  before marriage) – as God is definitely not impressed with this. This also presents some problems. At least is better than marrying again when the former husband is still alive.  God calls that adultery and a sin.

14.  So where does that leave me after all these practicalities?  Have I left anything out of this list?   Oh Yes

15.  Likes to travel and is looking for peace and an end to this intense suffering. 

It may not be a Love of Your Life… but at least  we would be attracted  to

                           each other and  Love would speak again.

 

 

At 5:27am on October 7, 2013, my roses said…

My roses 7th October 2013

Thank you Katjames for seeing the love in our eyes.  Someone else on the website said our photos were very poignant.  The big photos with Wes and I  looking into each others eyes etc.  were taken about 3 months after he came out of hospital after an operation to remove a cancer.  He was feeling somewhat fragile but I said I wanted the photos done as a Valentine's day gift  to us both.  He began to relax and we even danced in one photo.  I'm so glad I got them done.  They are in frames on the wall of our bedroom.  Much love

At 1:34am on October 7, 2013, my roses said…

My roses 7th October 2013

Hello Katjames

What a journey... yes we have been robbed.   My beloved wanted to live and he had so much to live for.  We who are left have done everything we could, yet we still lost the one we love. He had cancer and got completely well then it came back again much later and affected his heart.

 I had a crazy thought that perhaps God was testing us to see if  this great love we feel will stand the test of time.  That  he wanted people who could maintain the Love of Life relationship .... right through eternity.  If so, then we would be spiritually joined in heaven as special companions.  This could overcome the bible comment re if we marry and have other partners, who will we be with in heaven?  Answer the one we passed the test on in so many ways. We proved love, passion, integrity, being steadfast to our love no matter what. 

Sending my love to you.

My page now has some photos up.  24 of them showing the 17yrs we spent together.

So much love and happiness.  You can see them if you wish on this link

http://widowedvillage.org/profile/myroses 

At 7:09am on September 9, 2013, my roses said…

 

My roses   Sept 8th

Just  found this website which talks about  after death experiences from one's  beloved loved ones.  No mediums or psychics - just direct from a person. Thought it might be helpful - as quite a number of people on widowed village have said they had such experiences.  See below for website and book

A New Field of Research Provides
Convincing Evidence of Life After Death

"Hello From Heaven!" - Bill Guggenheim and Judy Guggenheim

Have you been contacted by a loved one who has died?

Is there life after death? Will we be reunited with our deceased loved ones when we die? Can they communicate with us now?

Hello From Heaven! contains 353 firsthand accounts from a new field of research called "After-Death Communications" or "ADCs." An ADC is a spiritual experience that occurs when a person is contacted directly and spontaneously by a family member or friend who has died - without the use of a psychic, medium, ritual, or device. ADC experiences are always initiated by deceased loved ones and can happen anywhere and anytime. The authors conservatively estimate that at least 50 million Americans, or 1 out of 5 people, have had an ADC.

Hello From Heaven! is the first complete study of after-death communication experiences. The authors provide an introduction and overview of this field and focus on the twelve major types of ADCs people report, the loving messages they receive, and the effects on the lives of the experiencers. They present persuasive evidence that ADCs are authentic contacts by deceased loved ones and discuss some of the many far-reaching social and spiritual implications of their findings.

At 11:31am on September 6, 2013, angioguy (Joe) said…

We share a similar illness my wife died of colon cancer she was 54, I see the love you have for your husband in all that you write, my wife passed on July 30th so I am very fresh and very much in pain.  My best..Peace Joe

At 2:01pm on August 11, 2013, Morgana (Janet) said…

Hoping your birthday is a good one.  May the memories bring you smiles and the days be softer.

At 10:20pm on August 10, 2013, Dianne in Nevada said…

Hoping that you have a good birthday ... they can sometimes be tough days, but we do seem to find a way to get through them. We'll be here in WV if you need a helping hand.

At 2:37pm on July 30, 2013, Barbie Doll said…

Thank you for the friends request, Katjames.  I feel that we have a lot in common.  My husband was also 57 when he died of gallbladder cancer that went to his lungs, liver and brain.  This all happened in 10 months and not 4 years that you had.  My husband passed 3 months before yours.  I still miss him daily and wish there was some bargain I could make to get him back, if only for a day:)  I hope you are doing well.

At 5:15pm on July 11, 2013, Petal said…

Thank you for your nice comment.  I am nice! hehehe

At least I used to be before my beloved Scott died suddenly and left me sad, angry, bitter and hopeless.  Thank you also for your compliment on my widow's ring

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