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shellybean
  • Female
  • Wellington, KS
  • United States
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Shellybean's Friends

  • Ella
  • Sar_ML
  • Bruna.in.pain
  • Eye of the Tiger
  • kat
  • Whitedoves9698
  • Avanti
  • MomOfBoys (Tammi)
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  • Raebee
  • Miss Em (Emma)
  • bayoured
  • MartyG (ver. 2.1)
  • Rainy (Misty)

shellybean's Discussions

Guilty about therapy

Started this discussion. Last reply by shellybean Jun 14. 9 Replies

This is possibly going to be very scattered, so I apologize in advance. But it's also raw.I know this is totally irrational, but I feel guilty about seeking therapy. The self-hater in me, maybe? I…Continue

 

shellybean's Page

Latest Activity

Callie2 commented on shellybean's blog post Fury
"Ella—your loss is so recent and raw, please accept my condolences. I hope you have good support from friends and family and maybe grief support or counseling if you need it. Yes, our emotions can get twisted into one big ball and we have to…"
Wednesday
Ella commented on shellybean's blog post Fury
"Shelly  i feel the same my Husband died August 26 across the ocean 4 days prior to my birthday and  September 15th was hour very first wedding anniversary  we didn’t even make to one year we had our finally honeymoon trip…"
Wednesday
shellybean commented on Miss Em (Emma)'s blog post Thirteen is just a stage!
"Em, I am *SO* glad they (and you!) have then men in your "village" to help traverse these teenager waters. (((Hugs))) to you my dear!!! This too shall pass..."
Tuesday
Tekwriter commented on shellybean's blog post Shattered
"Oh zavopup, when I cancelled my husbands cell phone I burst out into tears. I was not expecting it. It was just so final and took me by surprise."
Sep 15
SweetMelissa2007 commented on shellybean's blog post Fury
"(((FURY))) I get what you're saying, the anger from an unnatural death is sooo very different. My rage burned through my body causing hyperventilation, pacing w/fists clenched grinding my teeth just trying to keep it contained. Bob-O was killed…"
Sep 14
bblue5 commented on shellybean's blog post Fury
"I lost my husband 17 months ago and I still get angry for so many reasons. It's ok to feel what you are feeling. I found that keeping my mind busy so as not to keep thinking about the loss and all that goes along with it helped me. It is when I…"
Sep 12
Frank commented on shellybean's blog post Fury
"Hi Shellybean, As they have said, go ahead and pitch a fit.  Careful not to break something expensive though like that wide screen TV or HiFi system! This is the place to rage, vent, scream, cry, and talk.  The more we write the better…"
Sep 10
MartyG (ver. 2.1) commented on shellybean's blog post Fury
"Dear Shelly....go ahead an throw that tantrum.  Vent...you need to do that. Others in "the tribe" will understand. You have every right to do so.....(((hugs)))"
Sep 9
shellybean commented on shellybean's blog post Fury
"Heavy bag = punching bag. I do have a grief support group that meets once a month but I've been the only attendee for most of them. The local GriefShare just started back up but it's from noon to two on Tuesdays. I can't take the time…"
Sep 9
Callie2 commented on shellybean's blog post Fury
"Shelly, not certain about that comment, but let me assure you, you will get through this. We survive. Life can get good again, don’t ever give up hope. Holidays and anniversaries are difficult but after the first year or two, they get a little…"
Sep 8
shellybean commented on shellybean's blog post Fury
"I have a 50# heavy bag in my garage... It and I have a date soon."
Sep 8
Callie2 commented on shellybean's blog post Fury
"Hi Shelly. Yes, scream if you must—let it out. Life can be so unfair. Grief bundles our emotions sometimes so much that  we don’t understand what we’re feeling but anger seems to be quite common. The anger, the sadness, the…"
Sep 8
Lifeunknown17 commented on shellybean's blog post Fury
"Shelly, this is bad. i'm sad for you.  Hopefully you dont break anything , like your'er Phone, you just replaced.  have any boxes, you can kick around ? some old moving boxes.  toss in a couple blankets, tape it all shut,…"
Sep 8
shellybean posted a blog post

Fury

Today is my first wedding anniversary. Not just since my Marcus died in January... My first one EVER. He was killed one week shy of our four month wedding anniversary. I'm sad. Duh. But I can feel this molten lava-like anger building inside of me as the day continues. Anger isn't right... Fury is more like it. I want to scream. I want to go to the grain elevator and do damage. I want to kick someone. I'm just livid. I'm so broken today. Despite the efforts of my wonderful family to brighten my…See More
Sep 8
Rainy (Misty) commented on shellybean's blog post Shattered
"Oh Shelly, (hugs) I hope you can get everything transferred to the new phone."
Aug 31
shellybean replied to Soaring Spirits's discussion SEPTEMBER Anniversaries, Birthdays and Other Special Days
"Sept 8 - my first of never wedding anniversaries. Marcus was killed a week shy of our 4 month anniversary. I have no plans myself yet. I am taking a fellow widow I met at GriefShare earlier this year to an anniversary dinner on the 10th, as her…"
Aug 30

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My entire universe was completely rearranged when my husband, Marcus, was killed in a work accident on January 2, 2018.
https://weavethsteadily503681085.wordpress.com/

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Shellybean's Blog

Fury

Posted on September 8, 2018 at 12:37pm 11 Comments

Today is my first wedding anniversary. Not just since my Marcus died in January... My first one EVER. He was killed one week shy of our four month wedding anniversary. I'm sad. Duh. But I can feel this molten lava-like anger building inside of me as the day continues. Anger isn't right... Fury is more like it. I want to scream. I want to go to the grain elevator and do damage. I want to kick someone. I'm just livid. I'm so broken today. Despite the efforts of my wonderful family to brighten…

Continue

Shattered

Posted on August 27, 2018 at 5:21pm 3 Comments

A couple months ago, I dropped my phone. The screen protector broke. It did exactly what it was designed to do. (Yay!) Then a couple days later, I dropped it again. (I'm hard on phones y'all.) Unfortunately, it landed on something right between the case and the screen protector, and shattered the screen.

No big deal, I thought to myself, I've destroyed my fair share of Straight Talk phones in the past. I'll just run to Wal-Mart and grab another one, just like I've always…

Continue

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend…

Posted on July 26, 2018 at 11:00am 1 Comment

All it took was one manila envelope.

It was Saturday evening, and the girls and I were trying to have a relaxing evening after a long day spent at the zoo. Everyone was tired, but refusing to rest. So tempers were a little short and moods were a bit sour. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. At one point, I realized I hadn’t checked the mail, so I went outside and did so.…

Continue

The Gift is Life, The responsibility is Living:

Posted on July 19, 2018 at 11:30am 8 Comments

(Today’s blog post title is thanks to a comment made by MartyG that I saw on WidVille one day while reading old blog posts.)

I’m acknowledging a hard time with my grief work right now. I don’t feel like I’m thriving, not even really living...just surviving. I judge my every move (or lack of movement…) right now. I know I’m my harshest critic. I am so incredibly inpatient and unforgiving of myself. I know I’m…

Continue

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At 11:08am on May 10, 2018, eliana said…

Welcome to Widville, shellybean. I am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville. Take care of yourself.

 
 
 

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