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shellybean
  • Female
  • Wellington, KS
  • United States
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Shellybean's Friends

  • Eye of the Tiger
  • Whitedoves9698
  • MomOfBoys (Tammi)
  • Allan_sch
  • Luv4Z
  • Raebee
  • bayoured
  • MartyG (ver. 2.0)
  • Rainy (Misty)
  • SweetMelissa2007
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  • eliana
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  • Morgana (Janet)

shellybean's Discussions

Guilty about therapy

Started this discussion. Last reply by shellybean Jun 14. 9 Replies

This is possibly going to be very scattered, so I apologize in advance. But it's also raw.I know this is totally irrational, but I feel guilty about seeking therapy. The self-hater in me, maybe? I…Continue

 

shellybean's Page

Latest Activity

shellybean commented on shellybean's blog post The Gift is Life, The responsibility is Living:
"Thanks for the comments, SweetMelissa2007! I really like that quote!  Misty - I really liked that meme the minute I saw it. I like that thought... it doesn't all have to be successful, as long as I keep trying."
10 hours ago
Rainy (Misty) commented on shellybean's blog post The Gift is Life, The responsibility is Living:
"Shelly I love that meme!  Keep doing something until you find what works for you Shelly."
14 hours ago
SweetMelissa2007 commented on shellybean's blog post The Gift is Life, The responsibility is Living:
"I could not fully live till I learned how & why in my heart & soul - it took years of fighting off denial/fairytales as well as absolute honesty & commitment in coming to terms w/that chapter of my life ... I could not tame grief, I…"
18 hours ago
SweetMelissa2007 commented on shellybean's blog post The Gift is Life, The responsibility is Living:
"Jagged edges from my heart & soul ripped from my body ...Sorrow bowed my head & stooped the shoulders to stare only my larger then life feet that represented the shattering of my life from the bottom ...Head reduced in size to 24/7…"
19 hours ago
shellybean commented on shellybean's blog post The Gift is Life, The responsibility is Living:
"Oh (((Diva))) I totally understand. I'm so sorry your friends and family are growing weary. I read a really good post from One Fit Widow on Facebook today:"The next time someone tells you they are tired of our grief or hearing about your…"
yesterday
DIVA70 commented on shellybean's blog post The Gift is Life, The responsibility is Living:
"I do understand. I have absolutely no motivation. I cook breakfast but that's about it. I need to clean my house but what's the point. I lost my zest for life on April 29th , the day my soulmate left me forever. I have taken a few short…"
yesterday
shellybean posted a blog post

The Gift is Life, The responsibility is Living:

(Today’s blog post title is thanks to a comment made by MartyG that I saw on WidVille one day while reading old blog posts.)I’m acknowledging a hard time with my grief work right now. I don’t feel like I’m thriving, not even really living...just surviving. I judge my every move (or lack of movement…) right now. I know I’m my harshest critic. I am so incredibly inpatient and unforgiving of myself. I know I’m comparing Widow Shelly to Shelly Who Once Was and Shelly Who Can Be. I think it’s a…See More
yesterday
shellybean commented on Athena53's blog post "A sculpture that Creates Intense Emotion"
"I shared this picture as it was making the rounds on Facebook last week. Here's what I wrote about it: This is truly about what it feels like the damage from a broken heart would look like... A combination of a violent explosion and a black…"
Monday
Rainy (Misty) commented on shellybean's blog post Contagion
"I love the meme and you are exactly right God will walk with us all if we let him.  I have to remind myself of the same thing from time to time.  xo Hang in there!"
Jul 12
MartyG (ver. 2.0) commented on shellybean's blog post A Constant Battle
"Yes, Shelly, the Holy Spirit is indwelling. Remember "Footsteps".....He will carry you when you can not walk. AS for me, I drink a   lot of cawfee instead of yoga...lol."
Jul 10
MartyG (ver. 2.0) commented on shellybean's blog post It's Not Heavier Than Yours
"You are very sage, Shelly...I value having you as a friend and as a comforter:)"
Jul 10
Phyllis commented on shellybean's blog post It's Not Heavier Than Yours
"The best thing I have learned from my pastor is not to compare my problems to others’ and say they are not as bad as so-and-so’s.   That is saying that you are not important. Everybody has problems, has a right to be heard, and has…"
Jul 10
shellybean commented on bayoured's blog post The Impossibe Dream
"Thanks for sharing this. Beautiful, bay. And definitely a sweet sign."
Jul 8
shellybean posted a blog post

It's Not Heavier Than Yours

(Marcus and I were only married one week shy of four months when he was killed in a work accident. We’re only 32. We’d only been together for a little over 2 years. We spent 15 years apart before reconnecting (high school sweethearts). I’ll write a more in-depth post at some point about my story, but that’s the Cliff Notes version for reference on this post.)So many people try to compare their hurts and trials to mine, and lessen their own as a result. “I shouldn’t feel as bad as I do because…See More
Jul 8
shellybean commented on Rainy (Misty)'s blog post The Transmutation of a widow: emotional metamorphosis
"Beautifully written, Misty. Another way I've thought about the butterfly transformation... When in its chrysalis, it literally turns to goo and gets all rearranged into a butterfly. Then the butterfly has to struggle and fight to break free of…"
Jul 8

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My entire universe was completely rearranged when my husband, Marcus, was killed in a work accident on January 2, 2018.
https://weavethsteadily503681085.wordpress.com/

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Shellybean's Blog

The Gift is Life, The responsibility is Living:

Posted on July 19, 2018 at 11:30am 6 Comments

(Today’s blog post title is thanks to a comment made by MartyG that I saw on WidVille one day while reading old blog posts.)

I’m acknowledging a hard time with my grief work right now. I don’t feel like I’m thriving, not even really living...just surviving. I judge my every move (or lack of movement…) right now. I know I’m my harshest critic. I am so incredibly inpatient and unforgiving of myself. I know I’m…

Continue

Contagion

Posted on July 10, 2018 at 6:47pm 1 Comment

Six months into this grief journey. One week shy of six months into this new job. And I finally had my first unscheduled time off due to my grief today. Honestly, I’m pretty proud of that. Yes, I’ve taken a planned mental health day here or there.

Sleeping poorly the past couple weeks has finally caught up to me. My energy tank was depleted to Empty. First, both girls were in bed with me all night. One of the girls…

Continue

It's Not Heavier Than Yours

Posted on July 8, 2018 at 6:37pm 2 Comments

(Marcus and I were only married one week shy of four months when he was killed in a work accident. We’re only 32. We’d only been together for a little over 2 years. We spent 15 years apart before reconnecting (high school sweethearts). I’ll write a more in-depth post at some point about my story, but that’s the Cliff Notes version for reference on this post.)

So many people try to compare their hurts and trials to…

Continue

A Constant Battle

Posted on July 5, 2018 at 8:30am 2 Comments

One of the hardest things I struggle with is the constant battle between the child of God and the human self. Between good and bad. Between my heart and my soul. This battle takes many forms.

Sometimes, grieving me wanting to yell at God: “Why did You take him? What did I do? What did he do? Marcus put his life back together and now he’s dead…

Continue

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At 11:08am on May 10, 2018, eliana said…

Welcome to Widville, shellybean. I am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville. Take care of yourself.

 
 
 

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