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  • Female
  • Wellington, KS
  • United States
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Shellybean's Friends

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  • Ella
  • Sar_ML
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  • Whitedoves9698
  • Avanti
  • MomOfBoys (Tammi)
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  • MartyG (ver. 2.2)

shellybean's Discussions

Guilty about therapy

Started this discussion. Last reply by SweetMelissa2007 Sep 25. 17 Replies

This is possibly going to be very scattered, so I apologize in advance. But it's also raw.I know this is totally irrational, but I feel guilty about seeking therapy. The self-hater in me, maybe? I…Continue

Latest Activity

shellybean posted photos
Nov 4
shellybean commented on Pegasus's blog post Making Progress
"Pegasus, it sounds like you're making great strides! How does it look and feel outside with the vans gone? I'm proud of you!"
Oct 9
shellybean updated their profile
Oct 9
shellybean commented on Soaring Spirits's group Suddenly Widowed
"Clare - I think children are one of those "grass is always greener...." things. I'd do just about ANYTHING to have had a child with Marcus, even knowing I would be raising that child without him. I'm sorry you don't have…"
Oct 6
Broken Diva commented on shellybean's blog post Fury
"Fury, I feel for you and actually felt/feel the same way.  I scream sometimes when I am driving home to release some of the anger/rage.  I hope this passes.  I am thinking of you and hope you find some peace.  I sure do!"
Oct 6
shellybean commented on Soaring Spirits's group Widowed in 2018
"Nine months today. Trying to work on myself, "moving forward," reclaiming my life... But I'm also so very sad and lost; wandering without direction. I feel like two different people inside my body, trying to cohabitate but unable to…"
Oct 2
shellybean replied to Luv4Z's discussion Now I box?
"Love this ice idea!!! Thanks for the suggestion, barbee!"
Oct 2
shellybean replied to Luv4Z's discussion Now I box?
"I have a big punching bag like this hanging in my garage. I need to be using it to get these negative feelings out! (((Hugs))) to you dear one. "
Oct 2
SweetMelissa2007 replied to shellybean's discussion Guilty about therapy
"(((SHELLY))) You are very welcome ... EMDR (eye movement desentization and reprocessing) is generated by hand held light sensors, hand tapping or following an object side to side. For me, they produced calming effects while processing information…"
Sep 25
shellybean replied to shellybean's discussion Guilty about therapy
"Thank you, Dee! It's definitely a constant battle not to."
Sep 24
shellybean replied to shellybean's discussion Guilty about therapy
"Thank you, SweetMelissa2007 "
Sep 24
SweetMelissa2007 replied to shellybean's discussion Guilty about therapy
"I wrote about EMDR in your blog "Fury" ... It processed trauma by relieving its silent internal effects, however, it does not cure grief. We have a natural built in grief processing system for that part which is highly beneficial when…"
Sep 24
SweetMelissa2007 replied to shellybean's discussion Guilty about therapy
"I wrote about EMDR in your blog "Fury" ..."
Sep 24
SweetMelissa2007 replied to shellybean's discussion Guilty about therapy
"I wrote about it in your blog "Fury" ..."
Sep 24
Dee1960 replied to shellybean's discussion Guilty about therapy
"And PS: don't feel guilty!"
Sep 23
Dee1960 replied to shellybean's discussion Guilty about therapy
"Shelly, I am new here, but been widowed three years (still seems like yesterday) -- and just saw your post and thought, well, too late to respond... but then I see it's not. I have been going grief therapy since 2016 -- first "group…"
Sep 23

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My entire universe was completely rearranged when my husband, Marcus, was killed in a work accident on January 2, 2018.

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Shellybean's Blog


Posted on September 8, 2018 at 12:37pm 11 Comments

Today is my first wedding anniversary. Not just since my Marcus died in January... My first one EVER. He was killed one week shy of our four month wedding anniversary. I'm sad. Duh. But I can feel this molten lava-like anger building inside of me as the day continues. Anger isn't right... Fury is more like it. I want to scream. I want to go to the grain elevator and do damage. I want to kick someone. I'm just livid. I'm so broken today. Despite the efforts of my wonderful family to brighten…



Posted on August 27, 2018 at 5:21pm 3 Comments

A couple months ago, I dropped my phone. The screen protector broke. It did exactly what it was designed to do. (Yay!) Then a couple days later, I dropped it again. (I'm hard on phones y'all.) Unfortunately, it landed on something right between the case and the screen protector, and shattered the screen.

No big deal, I thought to myself, I've destroyed my fair share of Straight Talk phones in the past. I'll just run to Wal-Mart and grab another one, just like I've always…


Hello Darkness, My Old Friend…

Posted on July 26, 2018 at 11:00am 1 Comment

All it took was one manila envelope.

It was Saturday evening, and the girls and I were trying to have a relaxing evening after a long day spent at the zoo. Everyone was tired, but refusing to rest. So tempers were a little short and moods were a bit sour. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. At one point, I realized I hadn’t checked the mail, so I went outside and did so.…


The Gift is Life, The responsibility is Living:

Posted on July 19, 2018 at 11:30am 8 Comments

(Today’s blog post title is thanks to a comment made by MartyG that I saw on WidVille one day while reading old blog posts.)

I’m acknowledging a hard time with my grief work right now. I don’t feel like I’m thriving, not even really living...just surviving. I judge my every move (or lack of movement…) right now. I know I’m my harshest critic. I am so incredibly inpatient and unforgiving of myself. I know I’m…


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At 11:08am on May 10, 2018, eliana said…

Welcome to Widville, shellybean. I am truly sorry for your loss, and hope you find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville. Take care of yourself.


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