I thought, staring at that blue coffin that day, was the saddest day of my life....and maybe it was...of my other life...but today, this Christmas morning was the saddest day of my new life. As I sat there surrounded by my Mom and step-dad and my sister and her family....I realized....I am an add-on, an addition to, a tag-a-long. My little family, mine, my own....the family I had given life to, given my heart and soul to....my lifeslong dedication...is gone. My husband is in heaven, my son…Continue
I turned 43. It was the second birthday without you. It was as hard as the first. We had a party. We went dancing.
It was nice....it was really nice but it still stung. It still hurt. They played a few of your songs and I had to walk out. I didn't want to bring the crowd down. Every time for the rest of my life, when I blow out my birthday candles and make a birthday wish....it will always be that I wish you were here. You were such a pain in the ass but you made me feel so…Continue
My new boyfriend has begun to sleep over some nights. He says to me...every time I move you jump and ask "am I ok?". He says I am not even awake but I ask it every single time.
I have tried to explain that I was a caretaker for many years. Gary was sick alot at night, had alot of accidents. He tried to clean them up himself out of pride and embarrassment but as a caretaker you can sense something is wrong. How many nights did I wake up to him sobbing, embarrassed and helpless. I…Continue
Gary had been in the hospital since Sunday and it's Wednesday. He had surgery Monday morning and had been fighting all sorts of symptoms. I keep saying it but I honestly, honestly never thought he wouldn't make it. Gary had survived two cancers (totally unrelated). He got non-Hodgkins lymphoma of the thymus in…Continue