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This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

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soulmate
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  • The Hungover Widow
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  • Dianne in Nevada

soulmate's Discussions

Catastrophizing and anxiety

Started this discussion. Last reply by Athena53 Jan 9. 3 Replies

This is the only place I feel safe sharing topics like this, with others, who are more likely to understand-I am a bit of an "Over thinker" meaning I ruminate-I have always been that way to a point.…Continue

Unexpected "Grief Triggers"

Started this discussion. Last reply by Susan May 8. 35 Replies

I think all of you have encountered something similar to an event I experienced last night.It's been almost 13 months since my wife died. Last night I was at a convenience/drug store. When making my…Continue

If you had one hour to talk with your spouse what would you tell them?

Started this discussion. Last reply by PJC Sep 4, 2017. 2 Replies

If I had one hour to talk to my wife I would tell her how much I love her! How she changed my life for the better. I would tell her it was an honor to care for her, to be with her, and if I could…Continue

 

soulmate's Page

Latest Activity

soulmate replied to Soaring Spirits's discussion What is the most insensitive thing someone has said to you about your loss?
"I have always had the philosophy-friends first and if, IF, a romance develops, fine! But if it doesn't then a friendship is a wonderful thing. A person can't have too many friends. I don't want to get gender libido here but if a man…"
Sep 11
soulmate replied to Soaring Spirits's discussion What is the most insensitive thing someone has said to you about your loss?
"As a widower there have been times when I have been "Hit on" by women as well. Notes on my windshield, some women can be quite aggressive "Hey...your'e cute!"  Most of them are single women but I still , while…"
Sep 11
Callie2 commented on soulmate's blog post People professing faith often fail those in grief
"Are you assuming that all Christians are compassionate? That’s almost like saying all Christians are honest, but let me tell you they are not. People are people and we may all try to do well but sometimes we have to experience these things…"
Aug 24
SweetMelissa2007 commented on soulmate's blog post People professing faith often fail those in grief
"BTW, Bob's service was Catholic, I believe everyone was behaving according to it being a religious ceremony ..."
Aug 23
SweetMelissa2007 commented on soulmate's blog post People professing faith often fail those in grief
"(((HUGS Soulmate))) During my 70,028 darkest hours - 7 1/2 years, commonly used religious sayings, quotes & proverbs took on a different feeling & meaning attributed to the mental anguish, painful physical grief & anger from loss. I can…"
Aug 23
SweetMelissa2007 commented on soulmate's blog post People professing faith often fail those in grief
"(((HUGS)))During my 70,028 darkest hours - 7 1/2 years, commonly used religious sayings, quotes & proverbs took on a different feeling & meaning attributed to the mental anguish, painful physical grief & anger from loss. I can attest to…"
Aug 23
Rainy (Misty) commented on soulmate's blog post People professing faith often fail those in grief
"Bravo!!!  Very well said soulmate!"
Aug 22
soulmate posted a blog post

People professing faith often fail those in grief

I am Christian. I have been a Christian all my life. But there are some things Christians do that disturb people who profess a faith, or who don't profess faith of any kind, and frankly, it bothers me too.When some Christians don't know what words to say to comfort a person or offer solace, "We" tend to share a reference in the Bible about faith, usually an implied or overt statement that the person suffering needs more faith, doesn't have any faith, or lost their faith. Or, a generic…See More
Aug 22
soulmate replied to Soaring Spirits's discussion What is the most insensitive thing someone has said to you about your loss?
"Thank you. I think he was drunk when he said it. No excuse. I haven't spoken to him since"
Aug 1
soulmate replied to vintage56(barb)'s discussion the little things
"Before we went to sleep at night I'd tell her "If you wake up at 2:00 AM and want me, I'm ready and here!" She'd say "Okay, count on it" It never happened (at 2:00 AM anyway) LOL"
Jul 29
soulmate replied to Soaring Spirits's discussion What is the most insensitive thing someone has said to you about your loss?
"This is absolutely true-I had a "Friend" say to me a month after my second wife died of cancer-"David, after losing two wives to cancer, going through it twice, no one would blame you if you offed yourself" Not a helpful…"
Jul 29
soulmate replied to WoodTurner's discussion Permission to Remarry
"Great post-I remember my wife telling me "I think you'll find someone again. You are healthy and virile." I remember how uncomfortable I was with her comment, particularly the last word-lol.  I really thought I would pick up and…"
Jul 10
Susan replied to soulmate's discussion Unexpected "Grief Triggers"
"Raebee,     I hope the Grief Support helps you.  It's been about 2 years for me, and I still cry sometimes. It's usualy triggered by music. Susan"
May 8
Raebee replied to soulmate's discussion Unexpected "Grief Triggers"
"Yes, I understand. I cried when I went in and paid the mortgage off on our house. Bawled, in fact. I'm sure they thought I was nuts, but I wanted him back rather than a paid off house. Crying hits me as well at the most unusual times. And…"
May 8
SweetMelissa2007 replied to soulmate's discussion Unexpected "Grief Triggers"
"I believe our triggers stem from our calexis/bond with our spouse - loss of marriage - memories still alive ... My memories were of the funeral director calling me to say the wax used to pack the missing top & back of Bob's head kept…"
May 3

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Soulmate's Blog

People professing faith often fail those in grief

Posted on August 22, 2018 at 9:40am 4 Comments

I am Christian. I have been a Christian all my life. But there are some things Christians do that disturb people who profess a faith, or who don't profess faith of any kind, and frankly, it bothers me too.

When some Christians don't know what words to say to comfort a person or offer solace, "We" tend to share a reference in the Bible about faith, usually an implied or overt statement that the person suffering needs more faith,…

Continue

It's Not All About Me

Posted on December 27, 2017 at 4:30pm 2 Comments

I have read and contributed to posts about how losing a loved one can change the survivor. “How has the death of your spouse changed you” or something of that genre.

It is a fair question, but I am not certain I can give a concrete answer or will be able to in the future, if ever.

The past year has been one of pure unimaginable grief, not one I would ever want to repeat. My spouse’s loss has left me with an incalculable feeling of how shall I say, “Lostness.” I know that’s not…

Continue

"Healing and surviving"

Posted on September 6, 2017 at 10:30am 2 Comments

November 22nd will be the 1 year anniversary of my wife’s death.

I don't know how I will feel that day, but I know I don't want to spend it alone.…

Continue

Comment Wall (3 comments)

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At 8:34am on November 26, 2017, The Hungover Widow said…
Thank you for the thoughtful, supportive comments on my article. I was a hard one to write. I completely agree that it’s the closeness and odd little things that we miss. And yes, loneliness is the killer. I’ve had a hard time explaining that to people. I see that you just made it through the one-year anniversary of your wife’s death. I hope Thanksgiving wasn’t too painful.

Take care,
Debbie
At 2:36am on July 17, 2017, CLT1965 (Cindy) said…

Hi Soulmate, I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 5 months ago and the pain that I have experienced is worse than I could imagine. It made me think that you really don't understand what it is like to lose a spouse until it happens to you. This site has been a blessing to me that it has enabled me to talk to other widowed people that truly understand what you are going through. I hope you too find the support you need here.

Take Care

Cindy

At 8:39pm on July 16, 2017, Dianne in Nevada said…

Welcome to Widville, soulmate. I'm so very sorry for your loss, but pleased that you found us. You'll find caring support and friendship here.

Here's the best place to start: Need help using the site? Ask here!  You can join the Groups that fit you to connect to others with similar experiences. Share your story. Take a look at our Forum discussions where you'll find meaningful conversations taking place.

Be sure to check out the HOME page for the latest news.  I look forward to getting to know you here in Widville.

 
 
 

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