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suddenlyalone
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- Portage, IN
- United States
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Posted on January 17, 2012 at 8:13pm 10 Comments 0 Likes
I cannot begin to tell you how I found this site, but I am happy I did. My husband had a sudden heart attack on November 20, 2011 and my life has been in a fog since then. My only strength comes from God and our 2 year old. I started a new job 2 weeks ago and the paperwork asked me of my marital status. It was so hard to put down widow, especially at the age of 38!! I am looking for ANY advice on how to handle this grief.
Thank you
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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
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I totally understand your thing about waking up alone on your birthday. My husband died two weeks to the day before my 51st birthday in September 2010. Didn't feel like celebrating that milestone or my 52nd a year later either. Believe me, I know your pain. Best wishes and loving thoughts to you.
I'm trying to keep busy myself, but it's the nights that really get me down...We're gonna make it, hang in there.
Suddenlyalone,
Thanks for stopping by to check on me, much appreciated....taking things one day at a time, feels weird for lack of a better word, being single again. I thought valentine's day would be tougher, but I got through it well. How are things going with you?
Suddenlyalone,
Thanks for your words of encouragement, but allow me to extend my sympathy in the passing of your husband as well. I patiently await the day when I can actually go a whole day without tearing up and/or crying...I'm told this journey gets better with time and I'm counting on God and time to get me through this.
I'm so very sorry for your loss, but I'm glad you've joined us in our journey. None of the roads that we travel will ever be the same, but having someone beside you that truly understands is a blessing. You will find comfort and understanding here, just as I have the past 8 months. Just remember to be kind to yourself and take life one moment at a time for now. It's ok to put your self first so you can begin to heal.
Hi and welcome.
Basically anything you do or think, as long as it doesn't hurt anyone, is acceptable during your grief. Your grief experience belongs to you and like a snowflake, will be different from anyone else's, so there is no comparing grief here or anywhere. So never let anyone tell you how to grieve or when to display it. We all have our meltdowns, and it's bet to let those around you--family and friends-- know that it's going to take as long as it takes, no telling...and ask them to let you cry when you need to, lean on their shoulders, ask for hugs, or favors, or jokes...whatever you need. You'll find that as the fog lifts, you will be able to give back to conversations and activities and relationships...it will come naturally without thinking too much about it.
Grieving is a natural way of re-examining our place in the world, the meaning to our lives, and our relationships to everyone. You can reinvent yourself if you like, just take it slow and easy if you decide to make changes. Your mind and reasoning may not be at full measure for some months, and still may play tricks after a few years.
Anger at your sudden situation is natural but needs to be channel constructively. Try to find little things to be thankful for every day--a birdsong, a flower, a child's smile, the hug of a friend or neighbor, a good book, etc. Counting your blessings can shine a little light where you may think there is complete darkness.
If you open the "blogs" link near the top of the page, it will open a list of blog postings other WV'ers have written. You can read them and comment, and it never hurts to leave a simple message to the poster. Or a long involved one, either! Some people like to go to "chat" where people are connecting live for chatting about whatever, 24/7.
Oh, and Vent here whenever you need to. There will be no judging. WE all need to do it and it is good therapy. (((((Suddenlyalone)))))) <--hugs!
Susan B