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Happy Father's Day everyone! I hope you were able to enjoy the day with your families.

The Mass readings for Father's Day were perfect. In the first reading, David gets a message from God through the prophet Nathan for taking Bathsheba as his own and then killing her husband Uriah the Hittite. What does he get? Forgiven. In Luke's gospel, Jesus is having dinner with a Pharisee when a sinful woman comes in, interrupts the party, anoints Jesus, kisses his feet, cries and dry's his feet…

My sister lost her husband five years ago to a sudden heart attack. I've been in constant telephone contact as one of her main supports since moments after she lost him. I remember her telling me that if I answered the phone and heard only heavy breathing, please don't hang up -- gasping for air, she explained: that will be me, unable to speak. She told me time and again of hearing his boots coming up the steps to their room and experiencing first a lightening of her heart quickly followed…

Sausage Hot or Sweet

Spare Ribs (with bone)

Beef (Thick piece)

28 Oz can Plum Tomato (put in blender to strain)

8 oz can Tomato Paste

garlic and onion

Brown meat in olive oil. When meat is brown, put a little onion and clove of garlic and brown them

Add paste and a can of water for each can of paste

Let paste cook for a few minutes

Add strained plum tomatoes 

Salt and pepper

A pinch of sugar 

Let the sauce…

Please watch. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G324OBcDFzM

It's been one year and 15 days since Wayne's body stopped.  Just stopped. His body was alive one minute, and not the next.  May 20th, 2012.  A week before this was Mother's day, May 13th.  The day before that was Saturday. And the hospice team came to meet Wayne, me and our two daughters.  They, by some miracle were both home. They were with their Dad his last day home, ever. 

  Saturday evening Wayne started failing.  He was anxious. He was uncomfortable. He was in pain. He'd…

Photo courtesy of Stuart Miles at freedigitalphotos.net

I swear, I’m not fit for human interaction right now.

It’s been slowly building all week. Things are sneaking up on me. I lack focus. I’m…

It’s so wonderful to know that God loves us despite of our mishaps, bad decisions and disobedience especially when we delve into the love, grace and mercy that he bestows upon us even when we don’t deserve it. Widowhood is still yet growing on me. I have yet to capture all of its tangled roots that are planted in this seemingly good soil. Let me explain.…

After almost 5 months of this relentless grief, I woke up this morning feeling sick and tired of this pain, but feeling overwhelmed about finding my way through it. I am alive and healthy and want to enjoy life again. As I just read in someone else's blog: Life matters. I feel a responsibility to pick myself up and find a way to live the rest of my life with a positive attitude. I will keep trying. I do not want to persist in this negative not-of-this life existence. I just wish I could find…

JUNE 12 2013 @ 10 am

sentencing date of the drunk driver who killed my husband,Craig

As I walk up to the courthouse, I can barely move forward as knots, tangled and massive knots tied into bigger knots fill my stomach---feeling extremely nausious and it's almost debilitating.  Now I start to notice the irritating vibrations from the neurons in my brain pulse throughout my entire body, I have to sit down, drink some…

About an hour from now she would speak her last words to me. 

"I always loved you"

So as I sit here this morning, drinking my coffee...

Tears

Love

Beauty

Memories

Stories

Devotion

Gratitude

She blessed so many lives.

One year ago today, Cindy & I had been married for 27-1/2 wonderful years.

One year ago today, Cindy & I had been friends for 37 years.

One year ago today, Cindy had been in the hospital for 6 days.

One year ago today, my SIL – an M.D. – flew off to Florida. Cindy seemed to be doing better.

One year ago today, Cindy & I were enjoying our time together, even if it was at the hospital.

One year ago today, my daughter was in Uganda.

One year…

May 5 2013 was officially three and a half years since Heidi was lost to us.  It amazes me still that even after fully grieving and rebuilding in life, I still find myself almost out of breath when I think on the tragedy of that day.  For those of you who don't know me or my story, we lost Heidi very suddenly and unexpectedly one dark November night, when in a moment of weakness due to postpartum depression she took her own life.  I found myself with a four month old and a 3 and a half year…

We had to wait for dawn to go out to into the garden and as I opened the back door, the air greeted me with a sharp coolness reminding me that freezing temperatures were not far away. I stood at the top of the stairs and preened like a royal as I surveyed the pale sky and the quiet of the morning.  It was glorious. My reign was short lived however, for when my grandmother turned on the spigot for the garden hose, the pipes squealed like a pig thinking it was being sacrificed for…

I am feeling very lonely. The winter grey days are here, light rain some days with sunny breaks other days clouds hang low and rain falls steadily.  The forecast is often occassional showers, that is weatherman speak for: "I am not going to tell you the truth, it is more than my job is worth."  So no-one says this could go on for the rest of the month,because that would discourage tourists.  Instead it is always cheerfully presented as a part of the year when of course it is cold, and might…

As I said in yesterday's blog and previous ones CIndy & I did travel the world together. We also enjoyed many a road trip in the states. Eventually our family did increase by two. 1st our daughter and then our son. 

Our family life was pretty special. I never thought that I would be raising my children in the same city that I grew up in. I did have to bite my tongue and resist telling them all the cool things that I did when I was their age. Playing chicken with the…

Lonely without you love,
Lonely without your care,
Lonely without your arms around me,
Lonely when were not lying close under the covers on my bed,
Lonely without you lying with me on the couch,
Lonely thinking of losing you,
Lonely though i know you'll never leave,
I'm Lonely without your warm softness pressed against me.

I don’t want to die.

I want very much to live.

You need to understand this, in order to read this post.

I WANT TO LIVE.

I want a HAPPY, FULL life.

So… now that you understand that… lets talk about what’s going on.

I want to hurt myself.

I think about taking a blade and cutting across the skin, drawing blood, and creating an intense pain.

I think about this frequently.

Usually while I’m fighting tears.

Why? you ask.  Never…

I posted what I felt was the perfect Grief Poem a few weeks ago:  http://widowedvillage.org/profiles/blogs/the-perfect-grief-poem

I've decided to take this stanza by stanza and add some of my thoughts 13 months after the death of my wife of 28 years.

So true friends, please, accept the lot

I shout, I cry, I lose the…