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All Blog Posts (4,324)

Not So Subtle Reminders

I am rolling closer and closer to 1 year, and I find that more and more people are dropping hints and reminders that 1 year is right around the corner.  At first it was subtle, hey if you want to come hang out in a couple weeks, let us know.  But as the days tick on, the subtlety seems to be disappearing and folks are being more and more overt.  I am trying to be kind and not push back.  For me, so far anyway, it isn't the day that is actually worrying to me.  See for me remembering and…

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Added by MidnightBear (Tony) on October 22, 2018 at 5:43pm — 1 Comment

2 months

yesterday was October 20 which is 2 months since my husband Tom suffered a heart attack and died. So last night was one of those nights where I hardly slept. Remembered how I found him on the floor, blue face eyes open with purples fixed and dialiated. I did CPR, until  the police and paramedics arrived. They did everything possible in the house and at the hospital, but to no avail. My grief counselor says not to watch to much tv.  It’s noise in a to quiet house. It’s something that helps…

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Added by jlsrdh on October 21, 2018 at 2:58pm — 4 Comments

Not Me

After this last couple weeks of recovering from hitting the end of one set of goals and really have no more set right in front of me, it started to really dawn on me that I am not myself.  But what really does that mean?  For years I would make muffins every couple weeks and we would freeze them up to warm for breakfast to go with our oatmeal.  They were about 60 calories each the way we made them, little mini breakfast muffins, but they filled out breakfast well and kept me going until my…

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Added by MidnightBear (Tony) on October 15, 2018 at 11:48am — 3 Comments

When love becomes anger

Tomorrow is my husband´s birthday. He would be turning 51. Body hasn´t been released yet since August 2nd.

I´ve been reading a lot about the phases of grief and all those stuff to see if I can find myself on any of those posts... But no. Feeling most part of the time alone and numb, I´ve made a good friend here who talks to me. And I´ve hidden even from him my two suicide attempts in this time. Don´t know what´s going on, every day it goes I feel more and more anger and hate about my…

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Added by Bruna.in.pain on October 14, 2018 at 3:24pm — No Comments

When love becomes anger

Tomorrow is my husband´s birthday. He would be turning 51. Body hasn´t been released yet since August 2nd.

I´ve been reading a lot about the phases of grief and all those stuff to see if I can find myself on any of those posts... But no. Feeling most part of the time alone and numb, I´ve made a good friend here who talks to me. And I´ve hidden even from him my two suicide attempts in this time. Don´t know what´s going on, every day it goes I feel more and more anger and hate about my…

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Added by Bruna.in.pain on October 14, 2018 at 3:22pm — No Comments

Taking Care

Dear God, just checking in, as I do every day, to thank you for taking care of my Bob.  I know he's free of illness and pain up there with you and that he's happy being reunited with his parents and brother, but I sure do wish that you'd seen fit to let him stay with me and our children a few more years.  That may be selfish but I know you understand.  There'll never be another like him in my life.  He was my first and he'll be my last.  Throughout the years…

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Added by Pegasus on October 12, 2018 at 7:15am — 1 Comment

The End of the Pavement

Throughout the 27 years I was together with my wife either dating or married, we worked on setting out targets.  The targets were generally near term but we had a few longer term plans.  Many of our longer term plans were about things we were going to do together when we retired in about 7 to 9 years from now.  Trips to national parks and other countries, visiting family and generally being free to do what we wanted when we wanted.  Joining a few charities and the like.  When my wife got…

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Added by MidnightBear (Tony) on October 10, 2018 at 10:29am — 2 Comments

Birthdays

Last week I had my birthday. Next week it will be Sean's birthday. His first since he has been gone. Our birthdays are 13 days less than a year apart. So for 13 days we were the same age. Only this year, he wont be going ahead of me anymore. This year I get to be the same age as him for a whole year. Then next year, I will be older than he will ever be. Sean worked away a lot so not being present with each other on our actual birthdays was not unusual. I didn't really miss him as such on my…

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Added by Miss Em (Emma) on October 9, 2018 at 4:53pm — 4 Comments

Making Progress

Progress has been very slow but as my husband always said, "It may be slow but it's progress as long as it's moving forward."  Today I am waiting for the arrival of two tow trucks to pick up Bob's two vans.  I'm donating them to a charity that uses the proceeds to fund the education of under privileged children.  One is good for nothing but scrap, the other is old but runs fine.  They're happy to get them and I will be happy to have them gone.  Donating the vans is my first act of releasing…

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Added by Pegasus on October 8, 2018 at 12:05pm — 4 Comments

Loss

 Almost three weeks ago I lost a man whom has been important in my life. He was  the man  I went out with in 2016.We had an argument and didn't see each other for some months but we moved in the same circles so decided that a cup of coffee in the shopping centre was okay maybe once a week. From there we built a strong friendship, resumed a meet up once a month at a couple of markets and generally supported each other. For that reason I have visited the hospital and helped his family work…

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Added by only1sue on October 8, 2018 at 12:59am — 3 Comments

First Time Out

I'm brand new here and making my first post.  I lost my husband of 47 years two and a half months ago.  He became ill and two weeks later spent a week in the hospital, was diagnosed with a perforated colon, renal failure and dementia and was given the shocking news that he had 10 days to live.  I told the doctors not to let him know.  I arranged hospice care to come a couple of times a week, took him home and took care of him.  He was bedridden and unable to do…

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Added by Pegasus on September 29, 2018 at 10:29am — 2 Comments

Six years

What has changed, what is still the same after six years? I still live in the same house with very few changes. I have changed the white goods as age took it's toll on them so new refrigerator, new freezer, soon to be new washing machine. I drive the same car, but that too needs changing. I think the biggest changes have been forced on me by my own health problems and probably the ageing process. I know now I could never keep up with all the things I could fit into a day six years ago. And…

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Added by only1sue on September 25, 2018 at 4:13pm — 1 Comment

Happy Anniversary..

Today would have been our 11th Anniversary.  I've been dreading this day all month.  My emotions have been all over the place.  The incredible sadness followed by the bittersweet joy of memories.  The guilt.of...what ~  I'm not sure.  The Love that still lingers... If I had know our times would be our last..I would have hugged them a little tighter..Loved them so much longer.  This is my 3rd Anniversary without him.  I like to think I'm making incredible progress being on my own.  But my…

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Added by Rkay on September 25, 2018 at 8:41am — 3 Comments

Living life to honour the lost....without them

I have 4 more years of school to go with the kids and then I am free to roam as Sean and I had planned to do. Only of course now, my plans, our plans, are all shot to pieces. Sean died and we never got to roam as we had planned. Do I go anyway, by myself? What will that look like? feel like? He was always saying "make memories"; "Live life" "travel the country" "see the world". We just never seemed to have the money to travel the world, but we did see a fair bit of…

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Added by Miss Em (Emma) on September 20, 2018 at 4:24pm — 5 Comments

Sex

Sex - its a funny business; not just the mechanics of it. On one hand, it is the most intimate of all physical relationships possible. It is considered sacred in a committed relationship, and sex outside of marriage is often the catalyst for divorce. On the other, one night stands, booty calls, casual hook ups are considered normal among singles. I guess the two kind of balance each other out. Sex is a physical need and an emotional glue, (and of course a means to procreate). As…

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Added by Miss Em (Emma) on September 17, 2018 at 4:48pm — 5 Comments

Do I REALLY want to find love again?

Hello all.  

This is Steve again.  In case you haven’t read my prior posts, I was partnered close to 31 years to a man I loved very much, mike, my best friend, partner in life.  He passed in March of 09 from stage 4 cancer at 50 yrs old.  I was 46 when he passed.  

I am now 56 years old.  I, as maybe many of you, have experienced a lot of loss.  In the past 10 years, besides my partner, have had about 10 of our inner circle pass away as well.  It’s really been a bizarre decade.…

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Added by Steve on September 17, 2018 at 1:58am — 6 Comments

Taking a new focus

There is always something new to worry about.  The news from the neurosurgeon was not good. The aneurysm is not operable so I live with it. I know that if I have a sharp pain in my  head I have to ring an emergency ambulance. If  I am driving I pull off the road and if I have time ring the ambulance. Sounds so simple doesn't it? Well that is one problem I hope not to face. In the meantime I am not to worry (easier said than done) and go on with my life. The good news from the appointment…

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Added by only1sue on September 16, 2018 at 3:34am — 1 Comment

That feeling you forgot something!

I am sure we have all had that feeling, you gather your things to leave for the day and you get this feeling you forgot something.   Sometimes you get to your destination only to find you really did forget something.  You forgot you lunch at home, your cell phone on your couch, or ID on your night stand.  And sometimes you never figure out what it was you thought you forgot.  I got up this morning, got dressed and had breakfast.  I made lunch and packed it into my bag.  Threw on my shoes and…

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Added by MidnightBear (Tony) on September 11, 2018 at 12:08pm — 5 Comments

Fury

Today is my first wedding anniversary. Not just since my Marcus died in January... My first one EVER. He was killed one week shy of our four month wedding anniversary. I'm sad. Duh. But I can feel this molten lava-like anger building inside of me as the day continues. Anger isn't right... Fury is more like it. I want to scream. I want to go to the grain elevator and do damage. I want to kick someone. I'm just livid. I'm so broken today. Despite the efforts of my wonderful family to brighten…

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Added by shellybean on September 8, 2018 at 12:37pm — 11 Comments

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