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All Blog Posts (4,234)

9 years........WOW ! And I’m still here.

Hello everyone, my name is Steve and I am approaching my partners birthday and the 9th anniversary of his passing.  I have so many feelings and thoughts I would like to share here, but so many times before, I prepare to sit down and post a blog about what I’m going through, or what I’m feeling, and I type a whole bunch of things, spend an hour composing and putting down my thoughts, then I decide to erase it all and forget about posting for the time being.  

Im going to try to not…

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Added by Steve on February 17, 2018 at 7:36pm — No Comments

Staying positive amid despair

This morning, I woke up and the first thing I thought about naturally was Jerry.  He's been the first thing I've thought about for years. Usually, I'd roll over and snuggle; today I stared at our picture.  I wondered what advice he'd give me.  I wondered what was going through his mind two months after he lost his wife.  Jerry was such a confident man.  He nearly always looked on the bright side.  He almost always embraced and adapted to circumstances beyond his control.  I so admired his…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on February 17, 2018 at 10:00am — 2 Comments

Alone on the Farm

Last night was the first night I've spent alone on the farm.  My kids were here, but they are kids.  My "step-daughter" and her family share 40 acres with me.  They took a weekend trip.  It was eerily quiet and dark out here.  I felt really alone. 

It's strange how little things like that make me feel vulnerable and achy.  I ache for Jerry, he was the kind of man that made one feel safe.  I was never afraid when he was here.  There are so many small adjustments to make.  In attitude,…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on February 16, 2018 at 4:30am — 2 Comments

My child can't catch a break!

As most you know, that chat with me.  My children lost their father Dec1 and stepfather Dec 14 of 2017.   This week their uncle died (fathers brother) unexpectedly.  Last night a school friend was in a car accident and is not going to make it.  Two more friends were seriously injured.  Then I look at FB and see that the step-father of a friend has been killed along with another family member.  Checked the news website and realize they were in the other car.  It seems like it's way too much…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on February 14, 2018 at 8:42am — 5 Comments

Saudade

Saudade

The abscense of a previously shared presence.

The reality that your beloved is no longer present.  That the presence belongs to what  was.  

You feel the absence.

What is left is what it - the prsence - felt like.

The pain is in the…

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Added by Lev on February 14, 2018 at 12:30am — 2 Comments

Not doing so good

 

Here I am 2 years later. the First year with this New lady in my life was amazing. then something happened  I do not know what,

she seemed to be Pushing away from me.. locks herself in the bedroom , days , weeks at a time.  My mom came to Visit.  she did  leave the room the entire week my mom was here.  We had a  tree fall into the house.  she was in the room for over a month. apparently came out  while I was at work.

 now she is demanding. does not speak to me. …

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Added by hog659(Neal) on February 7, 2018 at 9:42am — 3 Comments

Destiny ... How I Soar

The magical way Vern and I found one another has always made me believe it was divine guidance that brought us together. He chose me. Me? Yes, me! That just turned 18 year old kid who knew deep down inside her that life had more in store than what she could see. But she was too afraid to take a chance and came so very, very close to settling for something that would have been such a huge mistake.

Oh, the summer of ’69. One little change of course. Not so little actually.

That…

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Added by Dianne in Nevada on February 1, 2018 at 9:54am — 6 Comments

How I Soar

Michele Neff Hernandez, my friend and the amazing woman who created…

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Added by Dianne in Nevada on February 1, 2018 at 9:45am — 1 Comment

What comes first?

It's very early on with my loss and I realize it takes time.  I also realize I probably will feel single again at some point.  It takes time I know.



I feel very much still part of a loving couple.  Jerry's gone, but I'm not single.  I find it the most unusual feeling I've ever had.  If someone asked me right now, do you have a boyfriend?  My answer would be yes.   



Logically, I haven't had enough time.  I just wish I knew a how and a when I'll ever feel like I'm just…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on January 30, 2018 at 8:41am — 9 Comments

Grief as War

I didn't ask to be in this war.  I didn't sign up for it, I wasn't drafted, and certainly wasn't trained for it.  Let me backtrack and explain to you how I got here.  I met Keith in 2013.  He was the epitome of all I had ever searched for in a partner.  We were soul mates and we couldn't wait to start our lives together!  I was 34 and he was 35 and we embarked upon a beautiful life together.   He had some heart issues but was on medication and was doing fine until about a month or two before…

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Added by WynterRaven (Toni) on January 28, 2018 at 4:28pm — 3 Comments

Missing my Best Friend Today

Today is the 1 year anniversary of when we received the diagnosis that my husband had 6 months to live.  The day my world was turned upside down.  I really miss him; he was my best friend in so many ways.  He understand me in a way that no one else did; accepted me with all my flaws and silly quirks.  We took care of each other.  My wish is I could have done more.  I wish I had a better hospice company than the one I did.  This company did not provide much support.  

Added by adoption1964 (Kim) on January 23, 2018 at 8:19am — 2 Comments

Waiting forever

Summer is full on today, hot dry and windy. Going outside for any period is not recommended. On days like this l feel lethargic. What to do? Reading, watching old movies, trying to keep cool.Sometimes it seems as if I just fill in my time.  It is a feature of life for me this summer. Once it would have been a day by the Lake with a picnic basket, or somewhere near  water  but somehow that is not as much fun on my own. I can see how easy it is to become isolated.

To avoid isolation I…

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Added by only1sue on January 21, 2018 at 9:56pm — 3 Comments

Memories Of Bedbugs

     I love a good joke and it was so hard to get one over on Jerry. This time I got him but good without even trying. We headed off late in the afternoon to Georgia for a family reunion five hour's away from home. A little over halfway through the trip Jerry was tired and decided we needed to stop for the night. It was close enough to get up have breakfast and still get to the reunion on time. He get's us all set up at the Hilton Inn for the night. While laying on the bed discussing dinner…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on January 18, 2018 at 10:59am — No Comments

2 Months In - Does it really get better?

The last two days have been miserable to say the least.  Everything, and I truly mean just about everything, has reminded me of my wife.  I saw a picture of a salad today that had pomegranate seeds on it, and thought of her and the bags of frozen pomegranate seeds I now have inherited.  I tried to deal with the old DVD collection and move it into folders out of the cases so it would take less space, and I see so many movies we owned that I just would have zero interest in watching again…

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Added by MidnightBear (Tony) on January 12, 2018 at 9:49am — 7 Comments

I feel like this is getting harder

I miss him terribly.

John died on May 24, 2017.  I'm what...almost 8 months out?  I feel like this roller coaster is getting harder. I think I was on autopilot through the first few months.  I had a son to get off to his first year of college in the Fall, a 16 year old daughter starting her Junior year of HS who dances and wanting to make sure she was doing ok and on track.

And now I made it through the holidays....Like what was I thinking??  That there would be an end of some…

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Added by ShirleyB on January 8, 2018 at 6:17pm — 7 Comments

Still

A song I wrote many years ago. Who knew how much it would resonate today?





Still






There was a time when all I'd yearned for



Seemed to be the things I'd earned, more



than I'd ever wanted from the start



Then it seemed the tide had turned, Lord,



The waters came, the waters churned, why



does this pain and sorrow pierce my…

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Added by BabushkaD (Debbie) on January 7, 2018 at 9:33pm — No Comments

December 31, 2017

Well this is the last day of the year - 2017.  What a year it has been.  I feel like everything is crashing down and in on me.  We all know the first thing that crashed down, in or whatever we call it:  Loosing my husband to Stage IV kidney cancer on May 2, 2017.  Ending the year with a heck of bang.  Was told I didn't need to move out of this house only to come home on December 29 from counseling and my husband's birthday that I have to move.  Rentals in this area are about 10 to 1.  Go…

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Added by adoption1964 (Kim) on December 31, 2017 at 10:15am — 6 Comments

Alone again, naturally

I am alone tonight, New Year's Eve.  Just had a phone call from my younger son and a text from my daughter, so not forgotten by my family.  I guess I should expect this now with no-one special in my life. I wasn't invited to a party or to join any of the families, I did have Christmas with family so that was our special family time . I am okay with my own company now so I should not complain.

My review to follow up the melanoma operation is next Thursday so I am remembering that…

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Added by only1sue on December 31, 2017 at 3:30am — 1 Comment

Dealing with emptiness and idle time and low energy

Since I lost my dear husband to liver cancer, December 1, 2016, the first year went by in a haze. Now I am starting year two and it has finally hit me that I will not be seeing Gil anymore. This Christmas was pretty hard. I just went through the motions, but I could not get into the festive activities and parties. I bought a few Christmas sweaters, and a new dress. I did get to wear both of the sweaters. The dress is still sitting behind my bedroom door. 

I don't know why I bought the…

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Added by Peach on December 28, 2017 at 5:00pm — 23 Comments

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