I just came to work. I didn't know what else to do. I don't really want to be here, but I think home would just be depressing. Well, it's all depressing. But I didn't want to be alone, and I still hear a voice telling me that no one cares and to shut up and get over it. So I didn't want to ask anyone to come over, just to keep me company. So work it is.
Once I thought I'd love to not have to go to doctors appointments every week, multiple times a week. Now I'd give…Continue
Added by Medea on June 16, 2017 at 10:22pm — No Comments
Winter weather is cold and wet again, we need the rain for crops further up the valley and to refill the local water supply so not a lot of point in complaining, winter will pass in time and it will be Spring again. I have been doing some of the needed outside work between rain periods so managed this afternoon to repot some of the bromeliads and weed some of the many pots around my back yard. It is not what I want to do but provides a reason to get up each morning and gives me something…Continue
My latest article is in the wonderful online publication "Modern Loss." It's a father's day tribute to my dad who raised me after my mom died when I was ten. We became even closer when he helped me see that life could still be worth living after I lost my George in 2013. Here it is if you'd like to read it: http://modernloss.com/father-grief-mentor/ I so appreciate your patience with my posting links instead of actual…Continue
I know Pandora learns its listeners preferences, but I still don't think it's a coincidence that tonight I've heard If I Die Young, I Can Only Imagine (Shane's funeral song), Die A Happy Man, and now Marry Me (Shane and I's song). I think this was to get my attention, and then the next couple of songs played, some new to me, some I needed to listen again to the lyrics:
You're Not Alone by Meredith Andrews
Today is Bob's 10th year anniversary ...
Today our 23 year old daughter was diagnosed with MS ...
Today my 32 year old nephew was diagnosed with tumors on his pituitary gland ...
Two days after Bob's death, I had a dream of my daughter & nephews w/ravens flying around ...
Never could figure out why this particular nephew was in the dream instead of his brother who died 9 months prior ...
Not only is today's date darker, it is sadly more meaningful…Continue
Hello. I am new to this site. I lost the love of my life to cancer two weeks ago. We were married for 21 years and have two children ages 18 and 15. Beyond the feeling of grief I have never felt before in my entire life- that comes in incredible waves out of nowhere at any time of the day...I find myself having trouble grasping that this is my new world. Who EVER thinks they are going to come part of a sight like this. I find it surreal at times. To think about the fact that John will no…Continue
We came to Australia when I was seven, a family of four as I had a younger sister who was four. We didn't have much as we had lived in a rented house in England and got little for the furniture we sold. But both Mum and Dad were determined to make a better life in Australia and they did. It was very hard at first as they had no backup from family, my sister really got sick and some of what they had was spent on medical bills and my Mum couldn't find a job. She took a job as a housekeeper…Continue
Farewell to the man I love
When I was sitting out on the deck last night I noticed a single star. With the clouds so thick you couldn't see the moon, I knew it had to be you, and although I miss you so much I realized that you weren't gone at all. In fact you are and always will be alive in our hearts and memories.
I can see you tinkering with your candles, riding on your harley and constantly building something. You lived to be outside, you were happy most any place, it…Continue
Added by sandi on May 29, 2017 at 4:35pm — No Comments
Twenty things I miss about you, M., my beloved:
1. Your smile
2. The way you said "Hey, baby" every time I walked into your workshop
3. Your kisses, which are the best in the world!
4. Your incredibly inquiring creative mind
5. Our talks about your books
6. Our talks about life
7. Motorcycle rides
8. Helping you to feel better when you were so sick
9. Cooking dinner for us instead of just me
10. Traveling with you, even if it was just to…
Added by happylilycat on May 28, 2017 at 8:05am — No Comments
Added by The Hungover Widow on May 25, 2017 at 8:24am — No Comments
My best friend came over today. She hadn't heard from me in a few days and was concerned if I was still alive. The last post on my Facebook was about Howard, and how I'd missed Restaurant Week with him. I had actually been asleep for close to two days.
But, in truth, the thought hasn't been far from my mind. I'm tired. I'm tired of hearing my ex's voice in the back of my head, telling me how fat and unattractive and stupid I am. I'm tired of that same voice telling me no one…Continue
Added by Medea on May 24, 2017 at 10:34pm — No Comments
None of my children or grandchildren came to me for Mother's Day this year which was a bit sad. I did get a phone call from each of my sons and daughter but no cards or presents this year. It was my own fault as I offered to do the sermon at church on that day at both services so our two paid clergy could have their time with their families, first grandchild for one, three grandchildren visiting from another state for the other. Next year it will be my turn to have the day off. Now I am…Continue
It's been a little over 4 years since my Husband died of cancer. He was my soul mate and best friend for 31 years. It has been a rough journey going on without him. I have made many changes to my life and I finally feel like I am going to be alright. I am much stronger than I ever thought I was. I still feel the loneliness but not all the time like in the beginning of this journey. My constants have been my 2 Daughters and my Grandson. They are the most important people in my…Continue
It’s been eight months today since I lost my soulmate. I still miss everything about him – his smile, his jokes, his hugs, and more… And still, somehow, I have managed to live on this planet eight months without him. I feel sad that I haven’t seen him in eight months, and believe it or…Continue
11 months out. My brain is still programmed to expect her. I still wake up sad and the house is so disappointingly empty. She is supposed to be at the table drinking coffee and reading the paper. Then go to the closet and pick a beautiful pressed shirt to wear to work. She always looked fabulous. Every morning is a disappointment. At least I don't wake up crying any more. I just wake up sad.
I feel as if…Continue
I'm 11 months out. I’m starting to enjoy the freedom of being single. I did not want the freedom of being single. I would prefer to have my wife, my soul mate, my better half. I'd do anything to have my old life back. It was happy and carefree. We had 17 years of love and respect. But since I’m single, I now see that I can enjoy this too. I feel a little bit guilty, but not very guilty because I know she's smiling down at me saying YES! Enjoy yourself when you can!!
It is Saturday, the day before Mother's Day. Mothers Day is falling on the 13th this year. I wonder, is that a sign of bad luck? For me maybe, as it is the first Mothers Day without my soulmate. For without him, I would not have become a mother and have reason to celebrate the day. A few months ago this 'hallmark holiday' did not enter my mind as one that was going to be difficult. Fathers Day ...yes, for sure, but not Mothers Day. It was not until earlier this week that once again, the…Continue
Grief is ever present in my life. It has defined my existence since September 16 of last year. Every moment of every day, I am reminded of the great absence that holds me hostage. Sometimes it is a black, heavy cloud of despair that envelops me, other times it is a lighter, more distant ripple…Continue