All Blog Posts (2,955)

I can hardly stand hearing that other's have moved on.....should I really be happy for them? Gawd that sounds horrible. I can't even feel happy for myself. 

Having lost my Daddy 7-1-12 then my spouse 10-1-12 I don't really understand how others can be happy and still talk of marriage I just flat out don't get…

June 2nd is fast approaching. The one year anniversary of John's passing is approaching. Each day I have had him in my mind, though I will be perfectly honest  in the beginning I mourned the loss. No more. I will NOT look on the day with dread, with mourning. I thought that's what I was suppose to feel,but I should not conform to what society expects me to feel.  I spoke to my ministers (I know two of them) and they put things in a…

It started 6 years ago, I’d patched him together so many times, but the stitches just wouldn’t hold.  Dialysis would help give him time until he could get a kidney they said; more patchwork on the worn afghan that was his life.  But it caused more stress on the worn yarn.  And the well loved life of my dear Mark was starting to fade, all the patches made that afghan…

It seems like we have instructions for everything.  Instructions for putting things together like bicycles, grills, using hand tools, coffee pots, microwaves, washers, dryers, lawn mowers, downloading and installing software.  I have found that LIFE does not come with a set of instructions nor does this journey through widowhood.

We just muddle our way through the journey of widowhood stumbling along the way, falling down, getting back up with some scrapes and bruises along the way. …

So I sit here tonight in a down mood.  I spent most of the morning looking at grief websites.  Trying to figure out where I am in my grief and how many steps I have to take to get out of the stage I am in.  I really want to be farther along than I am!  I found out from the sites that…. well nothing, because it all varies for each person.   Another morning gone and nothing accomplished.  That depresses me…

 Hello WV friends,

I would like to share with you all, the good news, 

I will marry Lee Sherry (also of WV) on June 1, 2013 @ 1pm. In his home state of Washington.

I will be moving there this next week.

We will of course still be here, to love and support each other.

God Bless,…

I an having a tough week for some reason.  My students have been with me on this grief journey, so they are able to recognize "those" days.  Yesterday, one of my sweet girls handed this to me after class.  

THE HARDEST OF TIMES

I know that you're in

   the hardest of times

And I know it's a tough

   uphill climb, but

things get better, and

I know it was supposed 

   to be forever.

But forever…

I am an introvert.  That does not mean that I don't like other people, or that I prefer to be alone.  It means that I use up energy when I have to interact with others, and that I restore my energy when I don't have lots of people to deal with.  I actually am a pretty good public speaker, and have spoken to groups large and small all over the country.  I've been interviewed on the radio and on television.  I am the director of a private school, so speaking to others is something that I have…

This is a photo of Cindy on graduation day. We sat next to each other during the ceremony. Shared some champagne. Stood in line together.  Little did we know that day, what life had in store for us in terms of togetherness. 6-1/2 years later we were married. Married for 27-1/2 years. Traveled the world together. Had so many adventures together. Raised two wonderful children...

My daughter is graduating from college tomorrow. We have survived the loss of Cindy (just over 11…

From the first moment, my first emotion (besides gut wrenching sadness) was guilt. I can remember screaming to myself: "This is not your fault-shut up!" But still I fought the battle internally. The "what if's", and the "but maybes" nearly killed me. Friends and Family backed up the small voice of reality in my head. They insisted I not feel guilty. So I stopped talking about the guilt. I locked it away in a corner of my soul, and tried to look past it, but I never let it go. This here, my…

I'm not having a very good day.  I'm "retiring" at the end of June.  My husband died December 12th.  Sinced then it's been overwhelming to try to hold down a demanding job, commute 1 1/2 hours a day, and keep up with let alone get ahead of taking care of our house and property.  I will be selling the house as soon as possible.  It's too big and expensive to maintain.  Before I can do that I've got an awful lot of things to go through and down size.  

So you see retiring isn't…

Last night I talked to a few people in chat, I had had a blue day and I really needed the company.  I had been alone all day and as time went by I just felt worse and worse, it is something that happens from time to time. I don't know why I couldn't just phone a friend or a family member, I just couldn't.  I knew they simply would not understand the depth of loneliness you feel as a widow.

My husband Ray left this house on 13th June 2011, he returned for five hours in August 2011 and…

I've been really struggling with the fact that it's not natural to be a widow this young. We just started a family and thought we had our whole lives together. I didn't even get a honeymoon. We had so many plans for our family, and retirement. We wanted matching rocking chairs on the porch. Now it's just me and the baby, and I feel like the 3rd wheel around all my married friends. I loved being married, and I watch them and long for coupledom. But not with just anyone, with BEN. I almost…

Hello All.

Now I am saying where did the years go ? Regarding nearly 4 years without Drew. It is hard to fathom the length of this journey already. Some not on this path think it is going on year 5 or 6. ANNOYING !!! Want to move away from those folks quickly but politely too polite many have said to me for years.

Starting last Fall and really building now,people asking why didnt  I remarry ? Well, the first  year focus was on me trying to look sane ,behave appropriately,get my…

So long my friend

I've known you my entire life, we first met at age three.

We found our share of mischief, trouble makers were we.

Partners in crime, as we were known.

But we never had to face, our punishments…

I wonder often at how the tides of change can bring us to hope to despair in such a short time.  My last blog had a hint of hope in it.  This one will too, but first, the rest of the story:

A few of you know this already.  Some are still friends because they understand.  

I lost Linda February 9, 2013.  Three months and a few days ago.  I felt I was getting better.  Because of my "preparation" I thought I was "getting through this crap" better than all of you.  I was also…

I am learning a new way to move through this life I now have (I didn't want it, but  I have it anyway).  Its choreography is "messed up", as my teenage students would say.  If there is a rhythm to it, I haven't discovered it yet.   It's two steps forward, one step back.  Two steps back, one step forward.  Often there are long pauses with no movement.  Sometimes I step sideways.  Let me describe it.

I get up, pay the bills, go to work.  Interact with my coworkers as if my life…

11 months ago today.

So hard to believe.

Seems like it's been much much longer.…