The days slip through my fingers
Like rosary beads unprayed
I cannot live without you here
To be with me, to talk to me
I wish you could have stayed.
My life is like a melody
But the notes are never played
For none but I can hear the notes
So silence echoes where once you were
Where once your laughter rang
And silent tears from unseeing eyes
Fall unseen into the dust of ground
Where once you trod, where once…Continue
Added by HENMESS on February 28, 2017 at 11:23pm — No Comments
The violin wept it’s tears in the rain
Wept like a heart that is rent with pain
Wept of sorrows too deep to express
Whispered of longing too secret to guess.
Only the wailing wind and I knew
Of the longing too wide to escape.
I could not hold the music in my hand
To whisper, yes, I understand..
I know what it is to have my soul die
I know of pain that cannot cry
I know what it is to call out in pain
For a hand I cannot hold again…
Most days I just feel anxious now. I have a constant ache in my stomach. The feeling sad is just sort of normal now so I can't imagine it going away anytime soon. Sometimes it surprises me what will make me cry, or have that intense wave of loneliness. Sometimes I just feel cold, like I'm going through the motions but not really present. Then I feel bad. I have four children to care for who need me to be present. I'm thankful to have that purpose because I think if it were just me I wouldn't…Continue
Today has been three weeks since I last spoke with my husband. Three week since I last heard his voice, felt his touch or enjoyed his calm presence. Every day there are new challenges and frustrations. I hit new depths of sadness and new levels of irritation that I never thought were possible. My thoughts race with what if's, fears and memories. With the ambush of unwanted thoughts and emotions I thought starting a blog would be a way to let some of those feelings out. Put them somewhere to…Continue
I am alive today –
Do I want to be
Or do I want to fly away?
I am tired of pretending to live
I have nothing left to give
I have tried to go on
But it all so unreal
I speak, I read, but it is all a game
Try as I will, nothing is the same
I think if I pretend
The dull pain will somehow end
I shall feel life again,
Instead of the unspoken pain.
People say I am strong –
If only they knew….
I am like a helpless…
DO NOT WEEP AT MY GRAVE
Stand not at my grave and weep,
I am not there beneath your feet,
Look upwards if you would see me now –
I am the autumn soft sun – I am the rainbow.
Hear my childhood laughter roll over the koppies,
Listen to my feet as they run rejoicing through the fields
Pick and eat from the tree, the fruit that it yields -
As we did when we were young and carefree, you and me.
I am young again and as my spirit beholds you, I clearly…
My husband received a bone marrow transplant in November. At the hospital they bring cake after the transplant and sing happy birthday to the patient to celebrate their new birthday. Our children were too little to visit him in the hospital because they carry too many germs. He passed away in December from Graft Vs Host. They let my children come visit once they knew things weren't going to turn around. Explaining to a 2 and 4 year old that Daddy wasn't going to get better and that we…Continue
Added by spiritual dragonfly (Linda) on February 21, 2017 at 4:30am — No Comments
It’s been five months since I have seen you, and I feel like I am starting to forget. Even though remembering hurts, it hurts even worse to forget. When I dream about you, it is sometimes not your face I see, even though I know it’s you. How can that be? Where is your face when I need it so much?
I don’t want to forget:
Added by spiritual dragonfly (Linda) on February 18, 2017 at 11:48am — No Comments
I am in my fifth year as a widow. I am to a certain extent “over it”. I am settled into a routine. I go out to coffee with other widows and occasionally a few couples from groups I belonged to while Ray was alive. I don't have much contact from his family. I do still talk to one sister-in-law occasionally. That's fine. At first I missed the contact but now I don't. I live in a sort of widow bubble, alone yet bumping into others, enough contact to keep me from feeling isolated yet not enough…Continue
My husband wasn't the typical romantic. I didn't get huge bouquets of roses on Valentine's Day or candlelit dinners for the night of the anniversary of our first kiss, but he would always surprise me in the best way when I really needed it. Five years ago I was very pregnant and my husband sent me this Edible Arrangement. I had no idea what day it was, but when I read the note I realized it marked one year since we moved in to our house. He wasn't typical, but he was romantic. He made…Continue
Added by spiritual dragonfly (Linda) on February 17, 2017 at 6:15am — No Comments
This past Sunday I took my son to go see Twenty One Pilots perform in Sacramento. It had been my husband’s idea to take him because our son loves their music and sings along to most songs from their Blurryface album. Shortly after I bought the tickets my husband was diagnosed with leukemia and 5 short months later we lost him. He was an amazing person and trying to pick up pieces after losing him has been near to impossible. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get through the concert,…Continue
My Valentine to my yoga tribe is in Modern Loss, an online journal about coping with grief. This is the link to the article: A Widow's Galentine to her Girlfriends. It's about how making women friends really helped me to cope with my loneliness as a widow. It's a turning point for me because I was a crazy online dater for a while after George died and this is in part how I got healthier about…Continue
Added by The Hungover Widow on February 13, 2017 at 1:00pm — No Comments
Some of us thought it might be helpful to share with each other and give each other some loving support and hugs on chat on Valentines Day. If you are so inclined come to the chat room at 8 pm eastern which is 7central and 5 pacific.
Added by Hope on February 13, 2017 at 6:42am — No Comments
Added by Doug02122014 on February 12, 2017 at 11:30pm — No Comments
Added by spiritual dragonfly (Linda) on February 12, 2017 at 7:47am — No Comments
Unpacking continues. I'm more or less settled in, but there's still random boxes and not everything quite has a home yet, but it's a liveable space, and I'm content. There's pictures on the walls, Hestia is on the mantle, and I've put my new vinyl cutter to good use, and there's a ton of different quotes, sayings, etc. on the walls. My seneschal said that even after under a month, it's clear that I've put down roots. That this is my HOME, and I'm staying here and it feels like…Continue
Added by Medea on February 12, 2017 at 5:01am — No Comments