Curiosity. I encourage it in my kids. It's seen as a positive trait- both socially and at the workplace. But for me, 3 years out into my Widowhood journey, its what I hold my breath wishing against. I just don't like to be forced to pull out the Widow card anymore. You know the one- the card that gets stuck to your forehead whenever someone who doesn't know you quite that well asks a question you can't possibly answer truthfully without…Continue
Added by OriRising on April 30, 2015 at 10:41am — No Comments
Added by judy on April 28, 2015 at 6:46am — No Comments
I'm sitting here on Sunday morning thinking about last night's event.
It was a fundraiser for a school I used to work at. It was great to see people from my past and reconnect with them.
When I reached the table where I was assigned to sit it was…Continue
This week has been rough, it is not an anniversary of anything, or a sadiversary since his death, but a few things this week have triggered me to finally recognize that this HAS happened and he is NOT coming home.
Sunday a friend of mine, who had never been out to where we lived, came out to pick me up. She walked inside our room and saw the hodgepodge of Blaine's stuff and my stuff mixed together. She looked down at a shoe rack under the desk and said "are all of…
A few nights ago I went out with my girlfriends to celebrate our spring birthdays together. We saw a show, shared a meal and had lots of laughs, hugs and lots of love. It was a lovely night, a night in many ways I had to attribute to John.
I was a bit surprised to find myself whispering ‘thank you, thank you John’ as I walked by myself to the bathroom before the show. I was overwhelmed with gratitude for him, for him teaching me to seek out, plan for and expect there to be…Continue
Added by Stevensgirl61 on April 20, 2015 at 10:40pm — No Comments
Added by RVLlover on April 19, 2015 at 10:27pm — No Comments
Tomorrow is Monday. Just a Monday. No significant date. Except that it's a week from the one year anniversary of Eric's death. I'm starting to feel the butterflies, the anxiety. I'm afraid I'm going to give into the sobs. Not the little teary eyed that I get now and then, but the heart wrenching, exhausting, body racking sobs. I haven't had any in quit some time. I'm afraid of them. I'm afraid of how they make me feel. I'm afraid of how they make my daughter feel. How can I stop…Continue
...is the anger. I'm so angry. At myself. At everyone.
My fiance, Philip, died on 2/10/15 from terminal colon cancer. We only found he was sick on 12/20/14. He was sick and dying for six weeks...well that we knew about. I'm 31 and he was 35. We weren't prepared and I certainly was not prepared for the speed at which things happened. We had been together for seven years and only just gotten engaged. Overnight we went from planning our October 2015 wedding to learning about hospice,…Continue
Today I was talking to my therapist about work and life and how hard this transition time is while I try to learn how to manage and build the necessary muscles for being a full time working solo parent. As we talked about how I should think about a strategy for the future or an exit strategy if needed for my current job, we talked about how I know that I can do anything as long as I know it is finite. And then I had a breakthrough.
Ron is dead. He is going to stay dead. He is not on a…Continue
"It's just a date on a calendar." she said.
But on this date everything about my life changed.
I mark time by that date. Everything is before it or after it.
I try to make it an ordinary day. I do everything I usually do. Inside my…Continue
Someone sent me a picture on Facebook, one of many i get every day. The words said:
"I just woke up today and decided I didn't want to feel like this any more, or ever again. So I changed. I had lots of excuses for not being able to change, but at the end of the day they were excuses. Being able to change starts with Your decision to change. (This quote is attributed to Steven Aitchison at Facebook.com/Change Your Thoughts Today)
I stared at this for a while and suddenly…Continue
I am embarrassed to admit it…even to all of you. I just finalized the order for the cemetery marker a few weeks ago.
I didn’t realize it until now how grueling the last 19 months have been thinking about it, researching it, completing it.
But it is really beautiful. It is a large piece of gleaming bronze mounted on warm, slightly-pink marble with photos of us etched in it. A beautiful phrase, precise dates, full names, all presented in a graceful…Continue
In a very round about way I found Widowed Village.
One side of my heart says- finally some people who get what you've been through and continue to go through.
The other side says- is it helpful to you to hang out with people who have the same problems you do?
I have no answer.
Except that the gracious way I have been instantly embraced by this community is refreshing. I don't have to explain anything. They…Continue