I struggle for sleep. I get plenty tired....both physically and mentally. But that final drift into sleep escapes me, until I absolutely crash.
Of course I grieve. It is lonely, it is sad and the heart aches. I think I have come to accept that, have for some time really.
But when I try to sleep the mind will not let me. During the past 4 years as the husband, best friend and caregiver....I just did the best I could. Move to the next thing, anticipate the next…Continue
What are you going to do when you retire? That was the cry of the 90's as we all madly planned for that round Australia trip, the downsizing to a smaller house now most of the kids were gone or finally getting that brand new house we had promised ourselves when we retired. None of those plans for me as I was finally working to save some of that money, busy starting our travelling again, a trip to England in 1994 and 1998 and in 1997 that big trip inland to do all the spots people had told…Continue
That's the title of my article in Woman's Day magazine today. Here's the link: my clingy widow article
Please share if you know someone who can relate. I…Continue
"Promise me you'll always remember, you're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart, I'll always be with you." - Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh
It's been one year...
The heavy down pour of rain this morning with the flashes of lightning and booms of thunder definitely match my mood but with a mish/mash of sad but also happy memories. The sadness that veiled my…
He lay in the bed day after day
Unable to survive in May
Lung cancer will pay
--- written by his princess
My daughter is 9 and she has vowed to "destroy lung cancer"
I try to be as supportive as I can and encourage her. I also reassure her that if she changes her mind and does not want be a researcher that's ok. She also feels like she has to like everything he liked. She's having trouble in school with a subject that he excelled in, I…Continue
The coffee is no remedy, the music is no cure.
As the day grinds I lean my head against the wall.
Her picture looks so pretty to me, you know, she always did.
Staring down the street again, is it sun or is it rain?
The lyrics must have a meaning, to someone, I am sure.
The words floating in the air are but faint whispers in my ears.
It's the rhythm that touches my soul, the beat that drives my mind.
Perhaps the beating of my…Continue
Added by DavidB on April 24, 2016 at 7:00pm — No Comments
It's been a bit over four years for me. Today, I was thinking about what I regret about being married to Elaine. All of my regrets have one thing in common, that they are about the things we never got to do.
Elaine was afraid to fly. I should say terrified, she wouldn't even talk about it, and shut down when I brought the subject up. That meant that all our travels were only as far as we could drive. She got over that, and shortly before she died she flew to Arizona to visit her…Continue
Added by AlanRRT on April 22, 2016 at 9:14am — No Comments
The Male Breast Cancer Coalition asked me to contribute George's story to their in memorium section. Their mission is to raise awareness about male breast cancer. Please check it out if you want. It's how I met an lost my George. Here's the article: (Sorry, here's the corrected link): In Memorium George Hansen at the Male Breast Cancer Coalition…Continue
Hello I am new to this site as well as being a recent single parent to our 3 girls ages 18, 20, and 23. my husband of 24 years Mike passed away on March 24 2016. It was very sudden, He left the house at 6:30 I didn't say have a good day or kiss him goodbye all he did was grunt we had a argument the night before over something stupid and he was mad at me. I got a call from a friend at 7:20 am and asked me if I was home, I had just pulled in the driveway, Right then I knew. I had drove over…Continue
Sometimes it just hurts......and absolutely nothing helps...and you just wish you could sleep so you could try again tomorrow.
I am standing upon the seashore. A Ship,at my side.spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and starts for the blue ocean.She is an object of beauty and strength,I stand and watch her until,at length,She hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then,someone at my side says,"There,She is gone"
I look in the mirror
I don't recognize who is looking back at me
I am what's left
One side of the portrait
Is there beauty in pain?
Maybe, but the pain remains
I am half of what we were
No beauty of life can replace that
I am what remains
It is a very different view
I don't like it
But I must see it
You are so alive in my dreams
The waking world wants more
I can only survive
I can't offer what we…
TILL ANOTHER DAY
There are days when I think I can live again
And there is something yet for me to do
I search my heart and I look around for the answer
But then the grief lures me back to bed
And the sad fact there is none…Continue
I find myself out on the porch at 2 or 3 in the morning because, well, sleep is difficult.
This week for a few nights at that time I would hear a Bobcat, relatively close. Across the road in the Swale of a wooded area, maybe 100 yards.
Deep darkness and mostly silent except for some soft wind chimes. It's more of a short scream and kind of eerie.
The call, or scream would echo through the trees in the darkness. There was no return call from another.
It made me…Continue
I did a talk in a church group drawn from several churches last Saturday about being a widow. A few of the people who came have known me well over a lot of years and know of the years I looked after Ray with the defects of the strokes and then the dementia. Some of them even knew me when I looked after my Mum and Dad so it was a friendly audience. It was hard in a way to get through the talk as a lot of what I talked about was painful to recall but afterwards people came…Continue
I write this as I listen to cars traveling in the snowy, slushy rain making that lovely swooshing sound that used to send a sense of calm through me. It is a calm that I can't quite capture through my grief but am reminded that it used to be there. It is unseasonably cold but I have the windows open anyway. I need the fresh air. Is it a coincidence that you leave me in the same year we don't get to have a spring? I don't know but it feels like the weather is mourning you too.
I'm feeling cranky, lonely, tired.
Then I realized it's April.
That date is looming right around the corner.
Yes, that date. The one that turned my whole world upside down.
How could it have been 7 years already?
It still feels like yesterday.
If I didn't know who I was after I lost you, I really don't know who I am now.
The word widow isn't so foreign to my lips. But it's still uncomfortable.
I still say "our house"…Continue
Added by bis4betsy on April 5, 2016 at 7:46pm — No Comments
Your picture sits on my desk with those eyes, those wonderful, beautiful empathetic eyes full of love. They have little galaxies in them. Is that where you are now?
I can almost feel your touch as I cry surrounded by deafening emptiness.
It's Saturday today. Before you left this world, we would be enjoying the day, working, goofing off, working, goofing off. You would ask what we were ordering for dinner in that impish way of yours knowing that I should cook but am too…
Added by NoMoreComplete on April 2, 2016 at 10:41am — No Comments
I wrote this article several months ago . It was a cathartic process, but helpful in the end
When the Miracle is Withheld - A story of Loss and Transcendence
Love to all,
Added by Maria Louisa on April 1, 2016 at 6:21am — No Comments