Have you gotten to the point that you can see clearly? Do you know what you need to do to march beyond the grief into a future that is full of mystery and possibilities, yet be afraid to make a move towards your goal?
I'm at that point, I am so tired of living between worlds. I'm tired of moods that change as easily as the tide. However, to me, it seems it takes a whole bunch of courage to move into the great unknown. I have never had the courage to really put myself out…
It's been awhile since I've had anything to say. Profound sadness has had me locked up in a choke hold. I tend to retreat within myself during those times. Like a clam closing, it's shell. I'm feeling a little better, okay actually I'm feeling a lot better. From somewhere in my little clam world the theme from Rocky begin playing on a loop in my head. …
I read some of my blogs and it is obvious that I am not coping, sometimes I am a l little down, perhaps a bit sad and fragile. Well not this week. I have a six day visit from my younger son and his daughter, my youngest grand daughter and the place was noisy, sometimes joyful, sometimes full of the drama five year olds generate. Never a dull moment. Plenty of activity, we visited four beaches in five days ( one day off because of rain) and as she lives in a dry town on the edge of the…Continue
It is funny the contradiction I have become. I complain about routines being messed up or being painful, and wanting to change things up. But then I want the routine to be there when I am ready for it. Yesterday I found out that a restaurant my wife and I went to frequently was filing Chapter 11. This place is one of the oldest memories I have of taking my wife to dinner. Yes they are a chain but I was a student and could only afford so much. I freaked out a little bit about this…Continue
As the days, weeks, now months have slowly passed since my wife died, I had things I had to do. Busy work yes, but it wasn't something I had ever done before. These required changes to my day. Getting up early, contacting random companies and people, going out of my way. It was torture but it kept things moving in a direction. I now wish there was more I had to do that was required just to keep me busy.
Unfortunately, just the other day I woke up, got myself ready in the morning…Continue
Gilbert died five months ago, and I'm beginning to realize that the Old Melissa died with him. Now I have to invent the New Melissa or allow her to surface; I'm not sure how it works.
It's so odd to suddenly not have a routine. I don't have to wear ear buds if I want to listen to music in bed late at night. The dog doesn't mind if it's noisy at 2:00 am. I can eat dinner at three in the afternoon or midnight and nobody cares. I don't have to cook for anybody…Continue