This morning while doing my norm, having coffee talking to friends, reading over the FB happenings. I found my eyes leaking. I wiped away the first few teardrops but they just kept coming. To my shock, I realized I was crying big silent tears. Why? I had to search myself for a reason, I'd like to say I was crying real grief tears because then I'd…Continue
Eleven years yesterday my beloved and i would have celebrated being married for 11 years.! As i think feeling gutted as i do that i wanted; wait no; The kids and i needed at least 10 more years forsure at the very very least, but then on the other hand, i think well at least we had those 10years, begrudgingly though, i really wanted at least 50 more... And then i think about the kids and how i have been lucky to have both of my parents still to this day and how i couldnt imagine my…Continue
Added by CryinCali on April 25, 2020 at 8:16pm — No Comments
I love podcasts and enjoy listening to anything positive and uplifting. While I was grieving I couldn’t find any meaningful podcast on grief. I was looking for something real and relevant that would provide me with practical advice on how to get through the fog of my grief. I decided as part of my healing and grief journey to start my own podcast. This isn’t a venture to make money but to help other grievers find useful tips. The podcast consist of interviews with other grievers and grief…Continue
Everyday I wake up to be in this nightmare of a life that is not one that I want to be in, instead of this nightmare being when I sleep it exists while I am awake where I remember you are no longer with me and I need to navigate this by myself. At night, I have the possibility of dreaming with you, hugging you and kissing you the way it should be when I am awake but it is not. I keep wondering when will this life feel different one day, will I be able to move on or is this what my new…Continue
Added by Shugarts on April 9, 2020 at 12:16pm — No Comments
She knew that a bay and rocks and trees bending over the surf cannot relieve sadness---can sadness be relieved, or can one only pass it by very slowly?
A day in the radiant sunlight and the sky’s blue, in the shadow of a proud dark sail, over rustling waves, along new coastlines, wouldn’t that help to get past sadness?---for a while, for that one day at least.
Maria Dermoût --- The Ten Thousand Things
Added by pricytapestry on April 3, 2020 at 6:30am — No Comments
With the current crazy times, I'm trying to blog a few times a week. Here's my latest (My first in along time) about trying not fall into self-doubt while having more time alone. Take care. http://www.thehungoverwidow.com/our-inner-critics-in-the-time-of-quarantine/.
Added by The Hungover Widow on April 1, 2020 at 12:15pm — No Comments
Has the world gone mad? My last blog was only two weeks ago and I was reminiscing about my cruise telling you my operation was coming up and resting up so I would be fit for whatever lay ahead. Well was I the innocent one? I never imagined the mess of life as we know it that a tiny international visitor called Covid-19 would make to our lives. Who would have thought that from remote China it could spread around the world so quickly and so plunge the world into chaos? It wasn't in the news…Continue
The flowers from the funeral are just about dead. All of the out of town relatives have left. The food that people brought over is just about gone or ready to be thrown out. The phone doesn't ring that much. Not very many texts coming in. No more sympathy cards in the mail. Tomorrow will be two weeks since my partner of 15 years, John, died of what is assumed to be a massive heart attack. He was already gone by the time I found him. He was 54 years old. The last two weeks have been a blur.…Continue
Added by Impala Princess on March 22, 2020 at 6:41pm — No Comments
I am thankful I went on my cruise before the cruise companies decided to cancel future cruises for six weeks or more. I could have missed that time of exploration and relaxation. I am having another operation next week so I thought I would do a "before" blog and an "after"blog. I am feeling fine, I went to my doctor today and all of the conditions he was worried about have marginally improved so he was no longer anxious to get me on all sorts of medication. This is good as at the beginning…Continue
I look at a picture taken for church in 2013 and I see this woman in the photo. She looks familiar; a distant memory of someone I once knew comes to mind. She is so happy, and her eyes are lit up like the beautiful stars of the heavens in an evening sky where all you can see is their brilliance, their amazing bright twinkle. How lucky that woman is, how very lucky. And I think to myself what I would give to be her and have that love that is so vibrantly shown in the smiles of…Continue
It will be 5 years this March 2020 that I lost my Rock, my partner. Two years in I finally caved and said ok to selling our home and decided to buy a truck and travel trailer that year that I listed the property. So, for 3 months while the property was up for sale I just traveled and it was such a great relief. So here I am coming up on year 5 and realize I am missing him even more and the best medicine has always been travel.
So, if anyone is interested and ready, lets look at…Continue
I've done very little of it, and except for one place that we only went to three times tops, and I always have to set up a picture of Arlene on my phone to get thru it. I have been saying for the last 4 1/2 years that I couldn't see myself eating in our old places (thankfully most have changed hands aren't the same). Today I had this thought that its probably time for me to rip the bandaid off and go to one, or several, depending on how it goes. Just not THIS weekend, Effin V-day. But soon.…Continue
Due to the confusion of the seasons in the past few years, I have decided that seasons are irrelevant. We can have hot and humid days followed by a twenty degree drop in temperature and then grey skies for days. I remember my mother's expression: "It's just s phase we're going through" and I think that explains it. We are simply going through uncertain weather phases. We have taken those good seasons for granted, December warm, January and February hot, sunny days in school holidays for…Continue
I came across a necklace with this simple sentence, Just one more chapter. Immediately I thought sheesh isn't it enough to wear your heart on your sleeve, now it's going to hang around your neck. Of course, widow brain kicks in first, I'm sure it was really meant for book lovers. It made me stop and think how many times I've probably given thought to words spoken, read or even pictures with "widow brain" and had myself into an uproar over nothing.
Never once have I ever since…
It's been exactly 406 days since my Douglas went home..
It seems like it was just yesterday, and at the same time it feels like I haven't seen his handsome face and smile in forever.
First year was a blur of existence for me and I'm grateful for the blur.. It has been a brutal relentless heart ache
Now the loneliness is creeping in.. and the reality of it all
I miss our deep (and not so deep) conversations…Continue
Haven’t written for a while. Always difficult during the holiday season. Just returned from a two week holiday with my daughters. It was a lovely escape after the Christmas rush. But now we are back home and reality strikes when you realise how much I really miss my husband and the girls their dad it is so quiet without him. But life must go on.
Christmas is still hard. Since my late husband passed 4 years ago, I would often go and see his mum and his sisters would often be there. So…Continue
Reluctantly being plunged into a new year without the one and only person who knew me loved unconditionally it feels bitter sweet. No celebrating this year went to bed early hoping to dream of my love. I didnt wanna think about not having him not here to be with us . wishing we had never went to the lake that horrible terrible worse day of our lives. Not just the worse fathers day but the beginning of a start to the first of many horrible days. My sons…Continue
I'm beginning year 3 on my journey of grief. As so many of you predicted it has actually gotten softer. S O F T E R, that was a hard word to understand. I get it now, or at least I'm beginning to. I still love my darling Jerry more than anything however I'm also open to sharing my heart with another. (If another catches my attention and proves he deserves it.) Finally, when I'm asked how I'm doing I can say, "I'm doing okay." and mean it.
So many changes in the last 3 years. …
This christmas when I told my kids to write to santa I sorta knew what their one and only thing they truely wanted for christmas cause it was the only thing I wanted for christmas too. My husband back for them to get to have their dad back and us get to live happily ever after. But sad to say I just like them knew that he was gone and nothing not even santa could bring him back no matter how much we all wished and hoped and…Continue
Added by CryinCali on December 27, 2019 at 4:22pm — No Comments
Well Ladies and Gentlemen some of us just got through out first Christmas and Christmas Eve without our partners. I say to all of us, and to myself too, well done. We may have been a puddle of tears, we may have not been ourselves but the fact remains that we preserved. Honestly it was probably one of the most difficult things I have had to do other than get through this Thanksgiving. I hope everyone can get through New Years eve and day as best they can and I just keep reminding myself…Continue