May 2012 Blog Posts (116)

Light of Heart

The road is gently sloping now

The burdens they are now light

I walk amongst the sunlight

Amongst the jewelled flowers

The rocks have shrunk to pebbles

The raging river to a stream

I’ve walked through the dark forest

And through the chasm deep

I’ve learned to dance upon the sunbeams

To twirl with the dandelion seeds

To slide down the rainbow

And land…

June.........My birthday month....his birthday month.......fathers day..........June Brides...........Graduations

This should be a great month for celebration......but this year........the first year of the "firsts" this June is

                                                                             JUNE GLOOM

                                       There is a weather pattern that bears the name of "June Gloom".

      I was thinking about how perfect to relate…

So, aside from my ridiculous obsession with reality tv, I am now seeking comfort in the fun filled world of on-line dating.  I have been on a few dates, met a few nice people. None that I would say were a true fit.  It feels right to start dating.  I feel like I am just letting myself go through a sort of process.  This is the next part of the process for me.  But along the way, I found this on-line stuff to be hysterical.  I can see how people become jaded (like many of my…

Hi All. The Vacation was something I needed for a very long time. To get away from it all and giving my mind and body a break from all the Hectic problems I am facing in Canada.  It sounds like I was running away from it all, which seems somewhat true.  I did have my moment where I was unable to have fun when we went to Ocean Park in Hong Kong. My friends all notice something was wrong with me already. And watching "Dancing Water".  It was painful to sit and watch that show because it…

Steve, 

Happy Birthday Baby...I am so sorry we can't spend it together.  Since you went away I am going in so many directions that I can hardly remember what I am doing from one moment to the next.  36, that's how old you would have been today.  God Almighty that is still so young!!!  I wish I could have had the opportunity to say goodbye.  But Baby, I didn't know!!  I wont even be able to visit your resting place today as…

In my rational moments,

I balance the checkbook and

pay the bills,

the carpets get cleaned and

the laundry folded.

I get dressed for work

and look the part, …

I was thinking about all the things I've heard and read about the kinds of "memorials" people keep - all the different ways in which they choose to have tangible reminders of their lost loved ones.  The list is endless and often very touching and often very creative.  It got me wondering, however, why I wasn't feeling any need to do something similar.  I'd thought about that, off and on, for several days.

Then, this morning, it came to me.  I walked out into the living room and the…

My Darling Dave, it is only six months since you left me and I'm still strugling to cope with that, our family has been dealt another blow with cancer, our SIL Chris was diagnosed with Pancreatic cancer yesterday, he's only 39 for gods sake. Dave, help me find the strength to get through this and support the family and ask who ever is up there to give him a break and the strength to fight it. I love and miss you every minute of every day xxxx

This whole blog began because your fb page came up unexpectedly and I got the niggling feeling I was forgetting something important.  After speaking with my fellow traveler, Henry I felt this was where I needed to be.  Thank you my friend.  And so begins my first blog... 

Being a nurturer can be a bad thing when you are trying to grieve, at least in my experience.  

After the dx of my first husband with brain tumours the day after fathers day in 1999 I committed myself to full…

Memorial Day

Thinking of everyone who spouse died while in the military. Bless you all.

Tuesday May 22 was the 3rd anniversary of losing my Drew at age 56. May 21 he collapsed thirty minutes after we saw our son graduate college. A stroke, ten hours later a massive stroke. Drew couldn't get a shunt to try to save him. His heart was of a man in his mid eighties, wouldn't survive the or. Advanced heart disease because of reactions from 2 meds.He and I were diagnosed 24 hrs apart…

So this will be my 17th blog I'm about to write...and that is hard to believe.  I love reading them back though, its a reminder of how my journey has gotten me here... and with all honesty, as crazy as this is about to sound...... 

I am really enjoying 'here' right now.

I am not ready to share this with all of the family and friends yet, not even close...but it's too good to keep to myself, so I am sharing it with you fine folks.

My life's…

My dearest Mikey,

I miss you so much! I hate this life I've been left behind in. Some days I get so angry at you for leaving me to handle this life alone now. A life where love seems like an ancient memory and having someone to laugh with is just wishful thinking. Yes...I'm dating. I've been seeing someone for about 4 months now. But it will never be the same as what I had with you will it? You and I had the most wonderful conversations...talking about anything and everything. We've…

Big boys don't cry.  That's what I was always taught growing up.  Being a baby boomer, our fathers were all in the military, and had to be super tough, and were super tough, or they wouldn't have lived to have children after the war.  I'm not blaming anyone, that's just the way it was.  So we were always taught by these super tough men, and the women that married them, that big boys don't cry.

When I was seven, i was running at school, slipped in some sand, and stopped the fall with…

Your grief is your grief and yours alone. Never feel you have to compare it to how others are grieving, who they are grieving for or justify your behaviour in some way. Your love is your love alone and no-one but you will feel and understand the depth of what that means to you ♥

This Sunday my family and I will give the 3rd Annual Walter F. Burnett, Jr. Memorial Scholarship during our church's scholarship program that they have every year. Our church gives many scholarships that day and  I am grateful that we can be a part of it.  This all started as a labor of love to honor Walter and now three years later, it is more and more about the kids who will be honored and helped in some small way as they go to college or continue with college.  The children we choose are…

  I'll had one of them days today that you just can't wait to leave behind. It's now been a year sense I lost my husband KC. I still take everyday one at a time, never knowing just what it will bring. Today started out just wonderful. I was up north at my MIL's with my oldest son and his 3 girls. We took them horseback riding and we all enjoyed our time together.

   Then it was time to do what we when there for, what I had been dreading sense we got there. I needed to pick up my…

I'm going crazy. The social worker emailed me last Thursday to see how the kids and I were doing. Also to tell me that the results of the autopsy are in.

I still haven't heard anything.

I know they won't change anything, and won't bring him back, but I still need to know. I need to know what happened. Why Patrick went from doing so well to fighting for his life. I have so many questions that I need answers to.

I hope and pray that the learned something from the autopsy…