Maybe it's because the big things are so obvious, and at this point in my journey (almost 7 months) I expect them to be bad.  So I was prepared for my husband's first birthday in Heaven, and I got through the day okay.  I am handling the responsibilities of the house better than I ever thought I could.  I am even learning how to cook.

So what has been tripping me up lately?  It's the little things.   I had a bad day at work and I just wanted him to listen to me vent.  He was…

I am weary of change and love the familiar. One thing I told myself from the day my wife past away in a fatal auto accident is that I will move on but in difficult times finding myself clinging to this familiar path of grief missing my wife. It is ok, we love familiar. This short excerpt from the series Everwood explains it pretty well though a child is explaining it we know there are much more experienced writers behind the scenes who have hashed it out to make it more substantial and…

My mother used to have a saying - too late smart.  That reveals itself to me several times a week with new revelations about widowhood, grieving, being alone, friends, myself.  I am realizing the mistakes I am making and trying to correct them to get through this awful journey.  Even though I have a wide circle of friends, I am basically a very private person.  I do not grieve in public and rarely discuss my situation unless someone asks a more specific question…

I don’t think it’s any big secret, or surprise, that I’m just now getting to the dirty business of the real grieving. The ruminating about Tom’s death. The thinking. All that BS I wrote in November about how the shock had worn off? Fugetaboutit. 

Or, my …

I am writing this because of things I've read or chated about on this site. This is a women domanated site. Maybe men die sooner or women take better care of themselves but the fact remains this site has a low man percentage. I've heard the at the last Camp East there were 200 women and 3 men. Sorts says it all.I've been told that not may women here the other side so heres mine. First I DONT SPEAK FOR ALL MEN just me. Theres is a big difference between a man lossing his wife and a wife…

Memorial Day means different things to different people. For most people it’s just the kick off to summer and a long weekend for having family fun or for working on an outdoor project. For some, it’s all about honoring our fallen military men and women. Still others use the weekend to decorate at the cemetery, a tradition dating back to shortly after the Civil War when families would gather to clean up the grave yards at the end of spring. In the realm of useless information cluttering up my…

Today I made another step into the unknown. I went to visit and have lunch with some old friends, she is an ex-social worker and I must say does try to understand where I am at which is why I accepted their invitaion.  I am still vulnerable to such comments as "time to move on" or "are you over it yet?" so I avoid people who are likely to say that.  I guess we all know when we are ready to move out of our comfort zone and reach out to our old friends and at 8 months out I am starting to feel…

"And we're singing it out our voice - We can make that choice to be - To be free now"  Joss Stone, "Free Me"

It is Fifteen months now since I said my last “I Love You” to Paul as the nursing staff rushed him out of the hospital room and down the hall towards the heart cath lab. Fifteen…

This is not mine....but i was just bemoaning how at 23 months (yes, today, not that I'm counting)....I'm still counting. not hours anymore, or days, or even weeks, but still months. And next month it will be 2 years and that in some way terrifies me...

Anyway, i was thinking of how we always seem to be counting and it reminded me of a line in this poem,"counting the slow heart beats....the bleeding to death of time in slow heart beats...."

So, here it is.…

I was thinking about all we go through with being widowed and the impact it has on our lives.  Will we ever get over the impact and can we ever have a happy future?  

I've thought about these since losing my wife nearly 10 months ago.  These are my thoughts on these!  I believe that the impact will lessen over time, but it'll never go completely away!  I've also come to believe that we need to not let our past memories keep us from a happy future.  We should always…

How do you help children with grief and make it simple for them to understand that they will never see someone again because they just can’t come back from death?  How do you choose the right words, convey the correct message, all the while not upsetting them (or ourselves) even more?

Here is a beautiful story which helps to explain the transition of someone out of our lives.…

Job has always been my favorite book of the Bible because no matter what happened to him he remained faithful to God.  I'm starting to feel like Job.  Leland died on September 1.  My mother died on November 23.  Two weeks ago, a man that I've taught with for 20 years was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, the same disease that Leland had.  On Friday, a student at my school was found murdered in his home, the victim of a murder/suicide committed by his father.  I'm the strongest person I know.…

Maybe I'm Amazed

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fgg5WxX8m74

Went to the Paul McCartney concert on Thursday night. This is one of the songs that he played.



Cindy & were married for 27-1/2 years. At times there would be moments, where I would be somewhat amazed by the depth and constant nature of her love for me. Her last words to me: " I always loved you."…

I have been robbed of our future together. Robbed of our late night talks and snuggles. Robbed of seeing your smiles at our Daughters weddings in the future. Robbed of watching you become a grandmother, and playing with your grandbabies. Robbed of seeing your hair turn gray, and getting wrinkles ( I would have still thought you were the most beautiful girl ever). Robbed of vacations together. Robbed of sitting on our front porch swing, holding hands, and reminiscing about our life.…

“There comes a moment

In grief

Where the focus shifts

When we start

remembering their life

Before recalling their death”…

Photo courtesy of James Barker at freedigitalphotos.net

I have blogged, here and…

Michele Neff Hernandez, the founder and Executive Director of Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation (SSLF), wrote this blog today on Widow's Voice to recognize the 5 year anniversary of Soaring Spirits.  The Widowed Village community, Widow's Voice blog and Camp Widow are all SSLF programs.  I've posted the first two paragraphs and a link to the full blog below. It is worth reading ... and knowing that you are a part of this amazing community. 

"We mark anniversaries relatively…

It was on this Friday before Memorial Day, a year ago, that the doctor took me into the hallway and told me that it would be irresponsible of him if he didn’t tell me that he thought Ron had 24-48 hours to live. A year ago that I asked Susan to bring the girls to the hospital to say good bye to their daddy in case he didn’t make it home. A year ago that I chose the wrong hospice to help us.  A year ago that Anne called Steve and Ed and told them to hurry back home from Indiana and Colorado.…