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May 2015 Blog Posts (26)

Wait for Me

Billowy white powder

Dusting my face.

“It’s snowing” I said,

And you pushed off, down the mountain.

Until that moment I had been

Holding my own keeping up with…


Added by Deborah B on May 31, 2015 at 5:02pm — 1 Comment

I am new at joining Widowed Village. I have been reading everyone's blogs for about a year now. It does help to see what other people are going through also. My husband and I were married three month…

I am new at joining Widowed Village. I have been reading everyone's blogs for about a year now. It does help to see what other people are going through also. My husband and I were married three months shy of 46 years I met him when I was 14 and he was 15. He lost his parents at age 15. We were separated for 2 years and then starting seeing each other again  at which point he went into the Navy for three years. We were married when I was 20 and he was 21. We have two sons age 45 and 40. One…


Added by Granny goat on May 31, 2015 at 7:22am — 2 Comments

old things

I really like the old WV better. this layout is very distracting to me.

Added by AuntT (Steph) on May 27, 2015 at 2:32pm — 4 Comments

I may get to meet his son...

In Blaine's 20's he had a child, he and his girlfriend gave their son up for adoption. When his son would have been turning 18, Blaine decided to get clean and start a new life. He hoped that his son would come looking for him. The day of Blaine's funeral my SOOL and I found Blaine's son on FB...

A few months ago my MOOL for up the nerve to call him. Spencer was sobbing he was so excited that he was found by his father's family. My MOOL did not tell him that…


Added by ShelisJenkins (TiffanyLynn) on May 27, 2015 at 7:18am — 1 Comment

Today is hard

     Well, today is my 32nd birthday but it doesn't feel like anything special.  While I have lots of friends and family wishing me a happy birthday, I am not getting love from the one person I want, my Ray.  Why doesn't today feel special?  It did for many years before I met him, it did all those years I was with him, but now it seems like another day but more hollow. 

     I feel like its not a special of a day because he is not here to share it with me.  I keep hoping I will hear a…


Added by H2obapper on May 26, 2015 at 7:59am — 3 Comments

when we retire....

When my husband was sick, during the last thirteen years of his life almost I was always looking for the way ahead.  i was always searching for answers, looking for ways to improve his health, looking for the magic exercises that would make him stronger, the recipes that would give him energy without affecting his diabetic readings.  In other words I was always seeking the impossible.  I am wired that way.  I want to help, I want to support. I wanted to love him better.  I wanted him to be…


Added by only1sue on May 26, 2015 at 5:00am — 2 Comments

It Is What It Is... Or It Is What I Make it

My husband, Jack, died 3 months ago.  It was not surprising yet I never expected him to die... and until the very end I don't think he believed he was dying either.  When he came to realize there was no bouncing back that last time he adopted the attitude of "It is what it is." 

You get to a point where the battle is over.  He did and when he got there he didn't complain, didn't bemoan his fate, he didn't even cry.  He laughed when he could, held me when I cried and in the end he…


Added by CJMaloney on May 25, 2015 at 8:02pm — 2 Comments

The Days Before (Repost)

A new friend of mine, a dear friend

Recently needed my help

He was reliving the Last Day…


Added by Hornet (Cindy) on May 25, 2015 at 4:30pm — No Comments

Year 3

Memorial Day 2012.  The worst weekend of my life. The last weekend of Ron's life. This Saturday morning, three years ago, an ambulance ride, during which Ron hallucinated that we were going on vacation to the OBX, from the hospital back to our house so Ron could die at home. Nurses cried when they said good bye.  The horror of the experience with the hospice organization that so badly hurt instead of helped us. I try to let those memories go, try to remember that Ron did get to die at home…


Added by MissingRKK on May 23, 2015 at 3:55am — No Comments

about waiting

Waiting is:

hard, difficult, risky, confusing.

It feels like a heavy bag to carry sometimes and other times, it's weightless.

Waiting for results, waiting for…


Added by bis4betsy on May 22, 2015 at 4:33pm — 1 Comment

My son's pain

This is getting harder day by day. My youngest son told me today he didn't understand how sick Rick was when we brought them to the hospital to explain his cancer and prognosis. I remember having to tell him he wasn't coming home anytime soon because of the cancer. I tried to explain it without scaring him but I guess he couldn't accept it. Now he's angry and in pain. Tonight was a milestone, he's transitioning to middle school so the school had a ceremony. He plastered a smile on his face and… Continue

Added by breistl on May 21, 2015 at 6:32pm — 2 Comments

My side of the Bed

My side of the Bed

Blankets and sheets twisted carelessly about.

Many pillows propped allow sitting and reading to all hours of the day or night.

I stopped waiting for you to come thru the door.

My bedside table, lamp always on, my only company, my only illumination at times.

Cups, saucers, coffee mugs, plates, napkins, you never would have allowed such

accumulation of this ware in the bedroom, but shared no longer, but by me alone.



Added by Sad One on May 21, 2015 at 2:00pm — No Comments

To Plant Or Not To Plant - My Need for Roots

My need / desire for home runs deep. A need that wasn't ever filled until I met John and of course that itself was such short a time span experienced that even now I sometimes wonder if I made it all up in my head, the cute house, the loving husband, the shared respect and love. I sometimes wonder if I made up this fantasy life of unconditional love and safety because it's what I longed for and dreamed of for so, so long. In the years that I John and I were married my home was with him,…


Added by flannery on May 21, 2015 at 1:30pm — 2 Comments

I forgot, just for a moment

    I forgot, just for a moment, that he was gone.  I don't have these moments often anymore.  Its very rare that I see his car in the garage and think,  "oh good, he is home early", and even when I do have these moments they are only milliseconds of time.  But Sunday I forgot.

    I was sewing some new drapes for my bathroom and vanity, something I have been wanting to do for almost 2 years now.  As I was sewing, I was smiling (again, something that is rare), and thought to myself,…


Added by H2obapper on May 21, 2015 at 11:55am — 3 Comments

The Silent Screams of Grief!!!!

So I'm sitting at work, it's been 3 months since I lost the love of my life, why the world expects people to return to society so soon and pretend to be okay and normal and not a total basket case is beyond me.....although I must admit there are moments where I tell myself I'm strong enough to get through this only to suddenly feel that "WHAM!!!" I'm talking about the sudden rush of sadness that hits unpredicted, there is no trigger, it just hit......and wallowing in tears and shouting at the… Continue

Added by Young Widow on May 20, 2015 at 12:33pm — 4 Comments

4 Long Years

It has been 4 long years without him.

If someone had asked me 4.5 years ago what the near future looked like for my Husband and me,

I would have answered, my Husband is near retirement and we are planning to do some light

traveling, we want to visit the rest of California, our native State. We want to visit other

beautiful places, Yosemite, Niagara Falls, the Grand Canyon, just to name a few. You see, my

Husband and I are/were nature lovers, on our free…


Added by Sad One on May 15, 2015 at 12:30pm — 4 Comments

His side of the bed

His side of the bed goes empty

my laundry sorter time and again cleared

mountainous clothes at some point and cleared once again

then nothing

then pillows with pretty pillowcases and big ones covered in stripes

and small ones with pink roses and lacy ones of all sizes

many pillows i stopped counting

and still his side of the bed goes empty

books have been snoozing on his side of the bed

booklights and bookmarks

his side of…


Added by Sad One on May 13, 2015 at 11:06am — 6 Comments

I quit...

I quit taking care of other people. I quit making decisions. I quit being responsible. 

I just can't handle any of it right now. I don't want to burden other people with my grief so I keep it mostly to myself (and here!), but that is the most I can do for other people. I can't take care of their emotions or any other needs. It is just too much. When people ask me what restaurant I want to go to, or what time I want to meet somewhere, or where I want to go my response is always "I…


Added by CandJ02 on May 12, 2015 at 7:34am — 4 Comments

Sentimental holidays

It's not just the fact that no-one was here for Mother's Day and I went on all day with doing just the normal things, it is not just the fact that I ring them and they rarely ring me but it is also the fact that until it happens to them they will not know how lonely being on your own as a late middle aged person is.  No, no never.  So I was sad on the actual day and still am in a way.  Happy Mother's Day Mum would have sounded so good in the morning and sounded so silly at the end of the day…


Added by only1sue on May 11, 2015 at 3:30pm — 2 Comments

Only he knew

Only he knew

Only he knew where those keys are kept.

Only he knew how to make that work.

Only he knew how to make me laugh with glee

how to tickle me and where.

Am asked constantly, how do you do this and that?

where do you keep this and that?

How do you make this work?

I answer, "Only he knew...."

Added by Sad One on May 11, 2015 at 10:00am — 1 Comment

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