One year ago today, Cindy & I had been married for 27-1/2 wonderful years.
One year ago today, Cindy & I had been friends for 37 years.
One year ago today, Cindy had been in the hospital for 6 days.
One year ago today, my SIL – an M.D. – flew off to Florida. Cindy seemed to be doing better.
One year ago today, Cindy & I were enjoying our time together, even if it was at the hospital.
One year ago today, my daughter was in Uganda.
May 5 2013 was officially three and a half years since Heidi was lost to us. It amazes me still that even after fully grieving and rebuilding in life, I still find myself almost out of breath when I think on the tragedy of that day. For those of you who don't know me or my story, we lost Heidi very suddenly and unexpectedly one dark November night, when in a moment of weakness due to postpartum depression she took her own life. I found myself with a four month old and a 3 and a half year…Continue
We had to wait for dawn to go out to into the garden and as I opened the back door, the air greeted me with a sharp coolness reminding me that freezing temperatures were not far away. I stood at the top of the stairs and preened like a royal as I surveyed the pale sky and the quiet of the morning. It was glorious. My reign was short lived however, for when my grandmother turned on the spigot for the garden hose, the pipes squealed like a pig thinking it was being sacrificed for…Continue
I am feeling very lonely. The winter grey days are here, light rain some days with sunny breaks other days clouds hang low and rain falls steadily. The forecast is often occassional showers, that is weatherman speak for: "I am not going to tell you the truth, it is more than my job is worth." So no-one says this could go on for the rest of the month,because that would discourage tourists. Instead it is always cheerfully presented as a part of the year when of course it is cold, and might…Continue
As I said in yesterday's blog and previous ones CIndy & I did travel the world together. We also enjoyed many a road trip in the states. Eventually our family did increase by two. 1st our daughter and then our son.
Our family life was pretty special. I never thought that I would be raising my children in the same city that I grew up in. I did have to bite my tongue and resist telling them all the cool things that I did when I was their age. Playing chicken with the…Continue
Lonely without you love,
Lonely without your care,
Lonely without your arms around me,
Lonely when were not lying close under the covers on my bed,
Lonely without you lying with me on the couch,
Lonely thinking of losing you,
Lonely though i know you'll never leave,
I'm Lonely without your warm softness pressed against me.
Added by Pinkpantheress on June 11, 2013 at 8:39pm — No Comments
I don’t want to die.
I want very much to live.
You need to understand this, in order to read this post.
I WANT TO LIVE.
I want a HAPPY, FULL life.
So… now that you understand that… lets talk about what’s going on.
I want to hurt myself.
I think about taking a blade and cutting across the skin, drawing blood, and creating an intense pain.
I think about this frequently.
Usually while I’m fighting tears.
Why? you ask. Never…Continue
Cindy & I met in college. We were in a close group of about 14 friends. I certainly did think that she was an extremely attractive woman. I also liked the fact that she was independent and never was one to “follow the crowd.” We did many things together, but we never dated.
After college Cindy joined the Peace Corps. She was stationed in Côte d'Ivoire. The reason for this was that she spoke French. We always stayed in touch. My address was the one she remembered, so she…Continue
In two days it will be 18 months since I lost my husband of 20 years of marriage to a rare cancer, leaving me to raise our teen son alone. And here I am wondering why I'm so burdened with sadness and despair, and why I keep bursting into tears. A phrase I saw years ago: "The mind tries to forget, but the heart always remembers."
It is not just the approach of Father's Day that is bringing up the sadness. I realized it was the memories of what happened two years ago during the month…Continue
Today I just found out that the husband of one of my former co-workers has passed away from the same cancer that my husband had. He was diagnosed about 18 months before my husband was. Stupid cancer.
I just wanted to introduce everyone to my blog website. I started this blog as a way to support caregivers of other Multiple Myeloma patients. Now that my husband has passed away, I'm not sure if I will continue it or take it in a new direction. Just another one of those many decisions that I will postpone for a while. :-(
Added by shelleyb57 on June 9, 2013 at 9:51pm — No Comments
Today in Mass, the gospel reading was Luke 7:11-17. It's the story of the widow in Nain whose son had died. Jesus was moved with pity and told her, "Do not weep." Then he stepped forward, touched the coffin and said, "Young man, I tell you, arise!" And so he did. Then Jesus gave him to his mother. The gospel says that "fear seized them all."
Cindy's last words:
"I always loved you"
I sometimes wonder was this an expression of how constant her love for me was those 28 years that we were together?
We met in college and were friends for 37 years. She did once tell me that she wished that I would have gotten things started sooner.
So maybe this is was an expression that she loved me since the day that we first met...…
6 more days until the one year mark. Hard to believe.
The "video" of this last year is playing in my head as I sit here drinking my morning coffee.
I close my eyes and think of the time together those 28 years. 37 if you go back to when we first met.
Amazing adventures. Incredible opportunities. Endless laughter. And so much love.
These last 359 days have been quite a "journey." So much adjusting. So many changes on so many…Continue
July 18, 2012 began what started off as what was supposed to be the beginning of a new path for Steve and me. We were on our way to his new family Doctor and we talked about how wonderful it was going to be to finally get him into pain management and hopefully get him some relief.
The waiting room was small but clean and organized the office staff was warm and receptive to all who came in. Of course being a new practice, they had not had the chance to establish a solid rapport with…Continue
I’ve often read that grief is a journey with steps forward and back but that’s not how I see it. I think of my life as being like a huge rambling mansion with rooms ranging from the few that I mostly live in (my everyday life and thoughts), through to rooms that I use occasionally to rooms that I practically or actually never find myself going into.
When Sharon died a storm ripped through the mansion leaving behind a thick layer of dust that worked its way into…Continue
Added by Patrick on June 7, 2013 at 1:54am — No Comments
Happy Birthday Honey.
Your second Birthday sense you've been gone.
I'll celebrate your life, with the breaking dawn.
My love for you will never die.
As long as I walk this earth alive.…Continue
Added by Lisa (lost) Lamb on June 6, 2013 at 8:00pm — No Comments