I did think that this season of my life would be so different but it is samey, different week, same activities. But then that is the story of most of our lives isn't it? What can we do in a day to make that day different, to make it stand out from the rest? To make it memorable? I don't know. There is a sleepiness about winter that blankets our lives. Nothing much happens, nothing good, and with a little luck nothing too bad. Life drifts on from day to day, so I get up, do whatever is…Continue
Tomorrow will be 3 months from Mike's accident some days it feels so long ago and others it is like yesterday. I have stopped looking out the window waiting for him to get home. I have cooked 3 meals in 3 months it is just myself and our 18 year old who is in and out of the house she is fine with take out or a bowl of cereal. I just do not have the will to cook or even eat, I have lost 20 pounds. I am size 12 so a few pounds off of me is not going to hurt. I try to keep busy with yard…Continue
Life seemed simple when I was growing up, it was after the second World War. My Dad came back from Prisoner-of-War camp and failed to settle back into the world that emerged from that period. I guess today we would have called what he had Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, we called it restlessness.Eventually we all emigrated to Australia and we started a new life. I went through school expecting to have a job for a while and then get married and that is what happened. I expected to have…Continue
So, a site I write for had a prompt "I am lonely." I wrote about the loneliness I felt when my husband died and which I still feel sometimes. It's on Woman's Day here: My Husband was My Best Friend
This was the hardest thing for me to put out there in public. I do wish we were talking more about loneliness. It's sort of the theme of the book I'm writing, but I definitely feel…Continue
my last visit to the beach was with my late husband, Frankie. He was very sick w/cancer and didn't live too much longer after the trip. He was very weak and unfortunatly the weather had turned cold.He couldn't go outside w/me not even on the balcony. i did get him in on e of
the resorts hot tubes once but he was so frail and his foot was all swollen…Continue
I found the following definitions from the website dictionary.com that make up the five descriptive titles found in my blog profile:
Mother - a female parent.
Yesterday would have been Malcolm's 65th b-day. I went to a National forest area that we used to hike, camp and picnick in for the first time in 13mos since his passing. It was bitter-sweet. I enjoyed all of it but, broke down crying 4 times as I miss him so much. After 13 mos I find myself very empty, sad, heartbroken. It has not improved at all for me. I do lots of activities but, doesn't stop the grief, sadness, and missing him extremely so, and oh.... the loneliness is…Continue
Funny things you think about as a widow, still experiencing that loss after more than three and a half years. Like how good it was getting into bed and putting my feet on a warm husband. My husband Ray was a diabetic and as such slept much warmer than I did. He used to yowl and complain and say: "Get your cold feet off of me!" and I would just laugh and snuggle up to him, Having a warm body to hug is so much better than an electric blanket or hot water bottle. On a cold dark night when I…Continue
I write some memories in pencil on the back of a used envelope.
Should I paint your name on the door frame or write with sharpies on the wall?
Set up scaffolding and lay on my back to paint your portrait upon the ceiling.
Leave you a note written in bar soap on the bathroom mirror like I used to do.
The time slips away and they mention you so rarely.
But my soul searches for your presence everyday.
Should I paint your name in broad…Continue
I am exhausted physically and emotionally I get plenty of sleep but I don't feel rested. I have not dreamed about anything I close my eyes and wake up. My whole world has been turned upside down on March 24 2016. I feel guilty that I let Mike leave the house that morning, my parents are gone Mikes parents are gone although I love my sisters and brother as well as his sisters and brothers, I have a few really good friends. I have my daughters but I feel so alone. I was at my lawyers…Continue