Recently I called my investment company to make a withdrawal. The representative, who sounded quite young, introduced himself as Matthew and reminded me that we were on a recorded line.
“Let me look up your account,” I recall him saying after the preliminaries. “I see your husband passed away recently. I’m sorry for your loss.”
Well, time marches on. It's now been about 18 months since the love of my life left this world. I did join a good support group and attended this for about 15 months. But now I am feeling like I need to remove the 'training wheels' and go on my own. I can't say it's particularly easy. It's not. But now I have the perspective that I'm definitely not alone in walking the lonely and harrowing path of grief. I say harrowing because unless someone has actually been through this, they…Continue
I just started my second year of grief. The only difference is it is not as fierce this time. I do not think I am going to die. I realize I will live another year through the grief without him. Grief will not kill you. It only feels like it will.
Over the years, Paul and I enjoyed the support of a local group of parents of kids who have special needs...they are wonderful, and we were blessed over and over for the support we found there. When he died, I was moved from the couples group to the single moms...which I understood, but am unable to embrace. This is part of my farewell email to the head of the group - and part of my new found permission to myself to redefine who I am now...instead of others being allowed t…Continue
Well, they say it gets easier. I wish I knew, if that were true. It’s almost been five months now, and it still doesn’t even seem real. I find my mind wandering, in a fog, just not even functioning at all. I guess if I were to take a poll, people would think that it looks like it’s getting easier, easier than it was 3 months ago at least. Every day, I miss him. Every day, I miss Ericka. I shut my eyes and I imagine them as they were, Ericka in Washington, Rick in his chair. They visit me in…Continue
I'm a few days away from it being 4 months since Jim passed away. A couple people I know and respect came to me last week both with the same concern that I'm not grieving, I'm avoiding. Aside from all the stuff I have had to take care of in the beginning, like we all do, Jim gave me a list of things to do. The first was I couldn't run away, the second make all my appointments and take care of me. Over the last few years I haven't done much of that and he was…Continue
As some of you might know, I've been having one bad thing after another happen recently. Roof leaking, dishwasher breaking, me breaking stuff in the house, never ending home repairs, plus an ongoing health problem. So I was told recently, that my nephew and his girlfriend are expecting a child, this will add Great Uncle to my current title of Crazy Uncle. I am beyond thrilled that this is happening, except for one thing, my nephew's girlfriend and the new addition, will never know Arlene.…Continue
I MISS... THE SOUND OF YOU WALKING AROUND IN THE HOUSE
I MISS... THE CLOTHES YOU ALWAYS LEFT ON THE CLOSET FLOOR
I MISS... YOU TOUCHING ME WITH YOUR FOOT IN BED
I MISS... BEING ABLE TO TALK TO YOU
I MISS... YOU'RE SMILING FACE
I MISS... US SITTING WATCHING TV TOGETHER
I MISS... YOUR BOISTEROUS LAUGH
I MISS... YOUR TOUCH
I MISS... THE…Continue
Iwell started off the year unemployed. Found a job but then my roommates decided to downsize and asked me to move out. Found a side gig to help me make ends meet but it wipes me out. Looking forward to a trip to Alaska and everyone around me is so negative about me going and enjoying myself except a few. I haven’t had a real vacation in over 12 years and these people just can’t stand it that I might actually have some fun and have something positive to talk and laugh about.…Continue
Added by Daisy on April 18, 2019 at 7:46am — No Comments
Husband died July 11, 2019 At this point in time, I still cry a lot and feel scared of what’s ahead. Others think we should have moved on at this point. Little do they know, that there is no moving on but moving through. It is a long process and I have accepted this. No easy way, no easy answers. Just taking baby steps so to speak. Read all I can to heal. Have several wonderful books to carry me through and my church. Just checking in to say hi and you are all in my thoughts. I know what it…Continue
Got a call on my cell while I was at work today asking for the diabetic in the family, meaning Arlene. So I reacted the way I usually do now, I nicely tell them that she isn't here, but that I can give them the phone number where she is. Then I gave them the phone number to the cemetery, and tell them not to take "There is nobody there by that name" for an answer, because I then tell them "I was there yesterday, she is there, but she didn't say a word".
I'm going to Hell…Continue
When will I stop counting the days?
Loneliness seems deeper daily. I miss Rick. I miss Erica. Apparently this is the new normal.
I’m trying to find joy, but it’s so hard. I know this will never be easy, people say it will get easier. I think I would be happy with just easier. Each day seems to last forever. I’m looking for an escape route. But there isn’t one. I don’t ever wanna forget, I just wanna be able to get through the day without crying. They say if you hold your…Continue
Added by Marina on April 14, 2019 at 9:14am — No Comments
I just returned from my son's elementary school performance. The chorus sang 'Remember Me', from the movie Coco.
Could not hold it in, the tears were flowing. Every time I hear this song, I hear my husband singing the words to me and also have flashes
of him singing and rocking his sons to sleep when they were newborns. Cherish the memories, yet so painful that he is no longer physically present.
Here are the lyrics:
Though I have to say goodbye…
I wish I could get off this roller coaster,
I wish I could get off this ride.
I wish I could get a refund.
You will be just fine - they lied.
Or maybe this is a merry-go-round,
At this point I’m just not sure.
My fear is that it’s only begun,
And my existence is just a blur.
There are countless issues around the passing of someone you love. There are also countless emotions.
I wrote about all of the experiences I faced and have uploaded my audio book which may help you. The podcasts are not too long and I will be adding more in the next few weeks.
This is the link http://www.youtube.com/channel/UCC-dTXOuihBeh5bRr1VR5aA
My husband died just over a year ago. I hope hearing…Continue
Added by Wendy on March 30, 2019 at 4:00pm — No Comments
Sometimes I want someone to put their arm across my shoulders, give me a squeeze and say : "You're okay mate, you're going to get through this and be better than ever." Unfortunately I don't have that person now and I have doubts about the " better than ever". I miss Ray so much, not the man he was necessarily when he died so much as the man he was in his middle years, that strong, patient man who was my rock. That is the man who helped me bring up our kids. That was the man who didn't seem…Continue
When I close my eyes, in the after image of the world still held there, I can catch you standing beside me.
When I close my eyes, I see that sneaky little grin that told me you were about to be up to something.
When I close my eyes, I see the you from before cancer decided to change your appearance but not your heart.
When I close my eyes, the world seems oddly brighter and more colorful because you are there with me.
When I close my eyes, I wish I never had…Continue
I was wondering if someone could help. I was…Continue
My wife Donna died in 2011. I was blessed to find Widowed Village and be introduced to Michele Neff Hernandez.
Early on in the group widowed in 2011 I found voices similar to mine who shared my fears and my grief. Voices that face the same struggles I did. I found my footing here and other places. Though in all honesty I will not abandon (close) my grief because I see closure as indifference and denial said pretty. I will not abandon Donna's memory or our/my love. My grief was a path…Continue
Added by Mark99 on March 18, 2019 at 7:03am — No Comments
In 35 days my new year will begin. My new year of being a widow. I will finally have closed on my new house and should have moved. I have dealt with countless government agencies and started or stopped various things. I still cry almost every day. It is not as bad as the soul shattering relentless grief of the beginning. However I still find myself screaming into my pillow at times. I have done pretty much nothing people told me to do and stumbled around and did things my own way. I came…Continue
Added by Tekwriter on March 18, 2019 at 6:05am — No Comments