The last thing on our minds when we lose a spouse is having to deal with the IRS. Can things get any worse? Yes. The first year you have to file a final return. You also have to file for any missed years. You might have to file a return for the estate. Generally, you can file a joint return this last time, but after that, you are on your own and have to plan fo the changes in your circumstances.

If you lost your spouse in 2012, be as prepared as possible for the coming tax season. I…

Watercolors of memories wash my mind

Mixed with the dark, somber colors of pain and loss

Creating a palate of pleasure and pain

All intertwined in wispy tendrils 

That I reach out to grab in my hands

Only to find my hands empty

And so tears run through my heart

Leaving my soul aching

For that which once was but is no more

For it is just a watercolor of memories.

- C Marley

Feeling so happy this Saturday. A group of friends and myself" the strays" we call ourselves, mix of widows widowers divorced women and men get together to go to movies, plays, etc.They voted me the organizer because I do such a good job. Real meaning I am a nag about getting tickets well ahead of time ,reservations ,so we are not disappointed.

Several carloads left early Saturday to go to Atlantic City. All week different casinos were hosting  the Food Network Stars at workshops and…

I hate that there is no one left in my world who knows when I am really ok or not, that there's no one that I am comfortable sharing absolutely everything with, and so few that I can be honest with about what is inside. Logically, I know I'm not completely alone. I know I'm loved and cared for. Today, right now, it just isn't enough.

 I have been readin Blogs and Forums.   I was married at 16.. yeah had to.. I had 2 children 18 months apart.. The marriage was doomed from the start, but in 1965 .... you were a "bad" girl. Marriage was the "right" thing so thats what happened. Divorced.    I met a man 12 yrs older, We married and he adopted my children... their "dad" had no interest and didn't pay child support or even call.  Pat my husband had kidney problems.. he was medically discharged from…

Music is where I turn when my heart is heavy. I have so many I listen to when I'm thinking of my Mikey. This is one:

The Memory

Last March  cleared out my large house and downsized to a studio apartment. I cleared out oh, so many things. I released all the things I did not need and did not want. I was careful about the things I chose to take into my new life.

My little studio has four closets, one of them a walk-in. I put all my things away and forgot about them. Until now. It is time to go through my "stuff" again and really pare it down to essentials.

A few weeks ago I went through my clothes and got…

I put Jacob in his crib and said "Good Night Baby, Happy Birthday".  And then it happened, grief punched me in the gut.  I barely made it out of his room before I fell in a heap on the floor sobbing. He is 2 and he needs his daddy!  The daddy in all the pictures, the daddy He Won't Remember (that's devastating).  

An old friend the other day asked me if I’m going to get married again. The question annoyed the heck out of me. It took years to builds the kind of relationship Don and I had and I’m not interested in getting married again just to have another warm body in the house. But I tried not to let my annoyance show when I answered, “no.” Then he says, “What’s the matter? Once was enough?” I wasn’t sure how to take that question and when I answered I felt like I was speaking the last lines in the…

It has been 15 months since my spouse left this earthly place. I keep thinking that by now I should begin to notice the joys in my life and begin to find happiness again. Why is this not happening? I know intellectually that I was blessed to have the 16 years I had with him, and I should be blessed and excited for the arrival of my new grandson in October. I have a small family and…

Well, tonight I am going out to dinner with another couple. Just the 3 of us. The perverbial 3rd wheel. I have mixed emotions about this. On  one hand,I really miss going out to dinner and having something besides potato chips on a Friday night. On the other, it is just a reminder that I am not part of a couple anymore...and it hurts.

They are good , caring friends and I shouldn't be nervous.But I am.  I just worry that I don't have anything to talk about other than my sorry life. I…

What do you say when someone asks you "How are you doing?" ?  I tend to say "I'm here".  I don't want to say I'm fine because I'm not but I don't want to say I'm terrible even though I am.  Tomorrow will be my first outing into the world amongst a bunch of former acquaintances.  There is a fundraiser for a girlfriend of mine and of course I said I'd go to support her cause.  Last night it dawned on me that there will actually be people there!  Yikes.  I'm feeling anxious.  I'm going with a…

     I just joined this site today, so this is my first post. I noticed that others often post their story, so here's mine. My husband passed away 33 days ago, from lung cancer. We were just short of 25 years together. Even though we knew the statistics, his death felt very sudden just the same.

     He was diagnosed in January 2011 with stage 4 lung cancer, when we thought he had pneumonia and he finally went to the doctor. At that time, they were guessing he would only have a few…

I swam laps in the pool early this evening.........hard laps. Angry laps, then sad laps. It all ended in tears. At least I got some exercise!

Lately, days with Patrick's children end in tears because I'm really sad and angry that he's missing them. He's missing the delight that I'm experiencing with his children. It's getting to me. Patrick couldn't believe that he was having a girl and today, with Reese, all I could think of is Patrick laughing while her and I paint each others…

7 years ago Brian and I decided to take every Thursday during the summer and do something fun with our kids.  One Thursday we decided to take them to Governor Dodge State Park for the day.  We visited a waterfall and then spent the day playing at the beach.  We had a picnic lunch.  I remember as we were pulling into the park we were talking about putting in an offer on a bigger house.  I was insisting....he was resisting....finally he sighed and said "Fine, we will put an offer in, but if I…

I'm feeling such anxiety today.  Today I go to court to have our Chapter 13 Bankruptcy switched to a Chapter 7 which basically washes away all debt.  We filed last year for 13 because his business as a Licensed General Contractor dried up over the past 3-4 yrs. and we needed to save the house.  He took care of all of that.  As much as we tried not to have to do that we had no choice.  Over the past year he got a great job and we were on our way back to financial stability.  Then he died.  I…

''Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.''  -  The Desiderata …

It's been 1 year and 7 months since John's death. And sometimes I feel like I am wallowing in mud. Or drowning under a deep ocean. My family is not closeby. My three daughters are adults with families and living their own distracted lives. As a teacher I have the summer off and that is not always a treat when I have more time to think and worry and despair. I moved here to be with John and he has left me dealing with things he could not handle. So I am angry with him. 

Visits with…