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July 2018 Blog Posts (21)

Finding Random Treasure

My wife and I were not pack rats so much as we just had a habit of collecting things beyond our house's ability to accommodate :D.  We had hobbies that were varied and sometimes difficult to support in a small city house of 1200 sqft (and 1200 poorly laid out sqft at that).  So we had boxes in the attic and in our dens that were full of various projects we were working on.  Over the last 8 months I have wondered into my wife's den about 5 times, maybe a couple more than that when searching…

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Added by MidnightBear (Tony) on July 30, 2018 at 7:30am — 10 Comments

My Heart Still Aches

Exactly 3 months ago today my world was shattered and I lost my only true love and my soulmate. People keep telling me the heartache I feel will become more and more bearable. Right now I don't see how that will ever be possible. Even after 50 years together (over 47 married) we were looking forward to the future. We still had so many plans and dreams. Despite his illness (he was on dialysis) we had learned to navigate around his treatments and we still managed to travel and do the things we…

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Added by DIVA70 on July 29, 2018 at 12:22pm — 6 Comments

Basketcase in a nanosecond

Heard that one in a book I was reading’  basketcase in a nanosecond.’ Im way back to thoughts I had the first day. The sadness is back not that it was gone but there’s a heaviness to it. I was trying to do a workout yesterday morning and in the middle of it BAM it hit me. I kept going but my steps were heavy and lost energy. Now sleeping is more disruptive. Wake up in the middle of the night crying and with anxiety.  I have to get up rock in my chair the rest of the time .…

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Added by Luv4Z on July 28, 2018 at 8:49am — 6 Comments

Thanks for the memories of 50 years

50 years ago yesterday Ray and I got married. It was a warm day for winter as today was and we got married at my local church and went to an old dance hall nearer to his family's home where family and friends had gathered for a fancy supper and some dancing. A work colleague describd it as a "real hillbilly wedding" and it certainly wasn't formal and with the dancing to a three piece band it was quite an energetic affair. My Mum and mother-in-law handled the catering to the satisfaction of…

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Added by only1sue on July 28, 2018 at 1:00am — 6 Comments

Hello Darkness, My Old Friend…

All it took was one manila envelope.

It was Saturday evening, and the girls and I were trying to have a relaxing evening after a long day spent at the zoo. Everyone was tired, but refusing to rest. So tempers were a little short and moods were a bit sour. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. At one point, I realized I hadn’t checked the mail, so I went outside and did so.…

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Added by shellybean on July 26, 2018 at 11:00am — 1 Comment

Status Change.

This weekend I became a first time Grandmother.  This sweet little girl wrapped me around her finger instantly.  I cried and laughed and hugged and kissed...but as I was leaving my driveway to go to the town when my daughter lives I had a bit of a melt down.  As I was sitting there waiting for the gate to close it hit me that I would be driving back in with a changed heart.  And in that moment I needed Howard so incredibly much...and he was not here..I could not get out of the car and go…

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Added by Rkay on July 23, 2018 at 2:55pm — 6 Comments

Still lost

After 7 years I hoped I would be better at this. This morning I am having a very hard time. Two weeks after losing my husband I found a job. I met a lady there that helped me make it through each day. She was so good and kind to me. Friday night she lost her husband. My heart just breaks for her. He had lost his insurance when he had to quit work because he got sick. Now he is lying in the morgue until she can figure out how to bury him or what to do. I can't imagine having to do this. It…

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Added by AuntT (Steph) on July 21, 2018 at 7:48am — 10 Comments

The Gift is Life, The responsibility is Living:

(Today’s blog post title is thanks to a comment made by MartyG that I saw on WidVille one day while reading old blog posts.)

I’m acknowledging a hard time with my grief work right now. I don’t feel like I’m thriving, not even really living...just surviving. I judge my every move (or lack of movement…) right now. I know I’m my harshest critic. I am so incredibly inpatient and unforgiving of myself. I know I’m…

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Added by shellybean on July 19, 2018 at 11:30am — 8 Comments

"A sculpture that Creates Intense Emotion"

Wow.  My SIL posted this on FaceBook yesterday; here's a link to the entire article.

https://totallybuffalo.com/a-sculpture-that-creates-intense-emotion/

The sculptor has been widowed but says he was given "a second slope in life" where he's able to enjoy…

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Added by Athena53 on July 14, 2018 at 4:33am — 9 Comments

In Search of a Pronoun

So I have been off for a while, very busy at work and taking a much needed vacation during the week of the fourth where I kept myself mostly away from electronics except for a few times where I acted as the group accountant :D.  It dawned on me while I was away how many times I was hunting for a pronoun.  People are probably saying what do you mean, hunting for a pronoun.  Well for 23 years, really 27, things weren't mine or hers, they were ours.  It wasn't me, it was us, there was no I it…

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Added by MidnightBear (Tony) on July 11, 2018 at 12:51pm — 5 Comments

Contagion

Six months into this grief journey. One week shy of six months into this new job. And I finally had my first unscheduled time off due to my grief today. Honestly, I’m pretty proud of that. Yes, I’ve taken a planned mental health day here or there.

Sleeping poorly the past couple weeks has finally caught up to me. My energy tank was depleted to Empty. First, both girls were in bed with me all night. One of the girls…

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Added by shellybean on July 10, 2018 at 6:47pm — 1 Comment

Euphemisms for death

I posted this elsewhere but thought I would post it here too.

I have found in talking to others and also in this group that many people don’t like to use the word died or death or dying. They tend to use euphemisms like “passed”, “passed away” or “passed on”. I always say my wife died or she is dead. I found this article particularly interesting in discussing why people do this, especially the part about explaining death to…

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Added by Mike on July 9, 2018 at 8:15am — 5 Comments

It's Not Heavier Than Yours

(Marcus and I were only married one week shy of four months when he was killed in a work accident. We’re only 32. We’d only been together for a little over 2 years. We spent 15 years apart before reconnecting (high school sweethearts). I’ll write a more in-depth post at some point about my story, but that’s the Cliff Notes version for reference on this post.)

So many people try to compare their hurts and trials to…

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Added by shellybean on July 8, 2018 at 6:37pm — 2 Comments

The Transmutation of a widow: emotional metamorphosis

I've read many articles, books, and post about grief coming in layers, like that of an onion.  I've read about how grief changes a person.  So, I say to myself okay bring it on.  I imagined the metamorphosis to gently take place like that of a graceful butterfly emerging from its cocoon.  It was a lovely visualization I had, the changes within would come on softly, over time without me even realizing changes were taking place.  I'd wake up one day and be a whole person again.  Looking…

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Added by Rainy (Misty) on July 8, 2018 at 8:45am — 10 Comments

The Impossibe Dream

I am dusting in my bedroom and my Granny's music box starts playing. I knew the song but not much about the lyrics. When I looked them up I realized how much they mean to me now at this stage in my life. So if there are signs from our loved ones I do believe I got one today <3

To dream the impossible dream

To fight the unbeatable foe

To bear with unbearable sorrow

To run where the brave dare not go

To right the unrightable wrong

To love pure and chaste from…

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Added by bayoured on July 6, 2018 at 12:20pm — 2 Comments

Its just a Big Boom Boom

Today some very bad thunderstorms were passing thru the area. I am really scared by thunder and lightning. When Tony was at work he would call when he knew the weather was getting bad. He would talk to me as long as he could to calm my fears. When the thunder and lighting would strike he could hear the shakiness in my voice. He would say "Its ok baby its just a big boom boom it will pass " I would laugh because it would sound so silly to have to talk to a grown woman that way.

I have…

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Added by bayoured on July 5, 2018 at 12:13pm — 6 Comments

A Constant Battle

One of the hardest things I struggle with is the constant battle between the child of God and the human self. Between good and bad. Between my heart and my soul. This battle takes many forms.

Sometimes, grieving me wanting to yell at God: “Why did You take him? What did I do? What did he do? Marcus put his life back together and now he’s dead…

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Added by shellybean on July 5, 2018 at 8:30am — 3 Comments

Life in a tunnel

Yesterday I had my PET scan, 25 minutes in a small plastic tunnel. This was my second so not as scary as the first. Laying there with my eyes shut is an agonizing exercise for me so I use visualisation as a method of coping. This time I used our three years in a small coastal town, trying to remember the neighborhood, the routine with our children in the little school down the road, the way of life we had in that place. We had some good times there so it was a pleasant experience for me,…

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Added by only1sue on July 4, 2018 at 3:30pm — 2 Comments

Breakfast at Wimbledon

Today is July 4th. Saturday we would have been married for 32 years. Once upon a time,we considered vow renewal for our 30th. Life had other plans. Martin was unemployed in the year before he passed and had just landed a new job. We had no life insurance. A perk of employment, and naturally believing in "what could go wrong?". Yes. The "joke" was on me. Us. But not really. Everything was right in our world when he died. It's only not right in mine because he is not here to be my back-up.…

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Added by YLG on July 4, 2018 at 8:00am — 3 Comments

How do I make Peace witth the "Never Again"

How will I ever make peace with the Never Again

I will Never Again hear you say "Hi Pumpkin I am Home or what is cooking good looking"

I will Never Again hold your hand as we walk down the street or feel your hand at the small of my back and know that I am protected

I will Never Again laugh at your stupid jokes or have you hold me when I cry

I will Never Again have you to calm me when I am scared or listen to me talk for hours

I will Never Again kiss your…

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Added by bayoured on July 4, 2018 at 5:19am — 3 Comments

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