The reoccurring dream:
There is this thick glass wall I stand behind. I'm pressed up to it with both my hands spread slapping it as hard as I can. I can see life carrying on on the other side of this wall. I see love, laughter, growth, friends, family, and everything that makes up living life. I'm on the other side. Punching, slapping, kicking, screaming for people to hear me. see me. LOOK AT ME! No one turns. No one can see or hear me. I drop into a puddle on the floor from…Continue
There are days or well maybe more accurately moments when I am touched by a moment of peace, calm or gratitude. If I am especially blessed I will get touched by all three at the same time. I call these moments, a grief reprieve. A reprieve because even though I know that grief will still be there, will in some way always be there, that in that moment I am gifted to have not only a feeling of being somewhat removed from that grief but of feeling joy as well.
Last Saturday I went to the Buddhist Relics tour that visited our area for 10 days or so. They visited two years ago around this time as well, but John had just died so I didn’t have the will or energy to go then, but this year I was excited to experience it.
That Saturday I was supposed to go to the state fair and a concert that evening, but that morning I woke up and said to myself, I don’t want to do any of those things, I want to go to the Relics tours, get tea, then lunch and go…
So much in my heart. So quiet in the condo. Quietness follows me everywhere I move or go. It is so unfair that even in my grief I could just go with my feelings of it being the 1st anniversary of his death yet I had to endure coming into the house and turning on the news and see all about Veterans at Phoenix VA hospital not being given services. Realizing that that Feb 27t evening they turned my husband away that it actually started the writing on his death certificate because he was…Continue
i'm very lonely. My husband passed May 1, 2014. He was on facebook nd had many followers so i had to let them know. At first I got iot of support and stayed on there. I found there were some people that didn't have the same christian beliefs I had and some were trying to indoctrinate me into weird things.There were also things i found out about my husbands private life that were upsetting to me. I started my own facebook page, but i was kind of forced into it. While i was talking to friends…Continue
Driving reminds me of Jason, a mundane thing, sure. Every time I’m on a long stretch of road, I remember our road trips. The best times we ever had. Driving 24 hours to Tennessee, going camping on a whim. Driving up to Fort McDowell to drop off T-shirts. Driving up the coast of California in our 5th Wheel. Driving the Road to Hana. Driving. We loved to drive together. We drove everywhere. With Kids, before kids. We loved to GO. I feel that now. I haven’t just…Continue
Hi everyone!! as I"m sure you've heard by now (unless you live in a cave:) of the ALS Challenge! almost 50Mil has been raised in several weeks by this wacky & COLD challenge! Ny husband died 2 years ago from the HORRIBLE DISEASE! so I'm challenging ALL my widowed village friends to join in & help find a cure!
RULES: dump ice cold water/ice cubes over your head
donate $10 to the ALS assoc
videotape yourself doing…Continue
In my circle I am known as the baker, I even have a very small side business doing such and I get great joy out of nourishing others, especially those I love. This week though, in the face of judgment and other’s desire to heed the social protocol for loss, I had to say no because the request was not in line with what I have learned a grieving heart to need, at least early on.
My friend who had triplets has lost two of them and the third is fighting hard to stay…Continue
When my husband Jack passed he was less than robust and on the thin side; so I keep a framed photo of Jack on the mantle where J holds a cup of coffee and sports a bright shirt and a straw hat and this photo has helped me to focus on the bright side, the image of a man enjoying the simple pleasures. I believe it is important to keep the positive/upbeat images vivid in our minds as we fight to remain upbeat/positive on our new journey
So many things going through my mind. So many things I want to write! But I’m wiped out, so I think it’s best to start from that honest place of exactly where I am, which is super tired since S-T-U-P-I-D insomnia has reentered my nights full force these last two weeks or so.
Night after night I find myself awake in the middle of the night, roaming like Wee Willie Winkle from room to room trying this chair or that chair or the guest bed to find the right place that…Continue
A friend asked me today: "Are you lonely?" I told her I was and she expressed her sympathy. A few of the church widows ask me that, then they go on to explain how they have filled in the time since their husbands died x number of years ago. I appreciate their concern for me and their willingness to share but in the main they are twenty years older than me so the things that interest them are still ahead of me, they do understand but cannot help me. I am still trying to work out what I…Continue
Where do I begin? That was the day I met you. The day we always celebrated as our "real anniversary". The day that changed my life. I would be lying if I said every day was perfect, because I know there were days we wanted to strangle each other. But those days are overwhelmed by the joyful memories. The places we went, the things we got to see together. I loved sharing those moments. I hope you know how much it meant to have you by my side…
Added by MikeS on August 18, 2014 at 8:27am — No Comments
I am 49 years old....My husband Frank was 58 when he died due t a freak Accident ( passed out and fell on the Kitchen floor causing a Brain Bleed) on June 14th that took his life. I had to be the one to make the FINAL decision to take him off Life support after two days being in a Coma due to a Fall that caused a SEVERE BRAIN INJURY that required 4 hours of Brain Surgery, he survived the Surgery, next day he had MULTIPLE STROKES to the Right side of the Brain and a few to the left...I was…Continue
I had one of the first dreams with Eric in it last night. We were moving into an apartment in a tall building and there was an earthquake. Of course I grabbed him. I HATE earthquakes! But not as much as death. I would take an earthquake with Eric any day over an earthquake free life without him.
I woke up with a severe loneliness. It was rough.
The last few weeks have been incredibly chaotic. My beagle Abbey has suddenly gotten old and now I carry her lots of places and her walks include a half block or so of walking and then riding in a stroller I bought second hand just for her. It’s very hard to watch her be old, especially since was John’s dog. The bright side of this is she really likes her stroller and we seem to be bring endless smiles and laughter to those in my small town.
You may not believe in God, or you may believe that He is a governing force that started this world into motion but cares very little about any of us individually. All of the bad and evil in this world may lead you to believe these things...