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August 2015 Blog Posts (15)

Dreading September

A couple of nights ago I had a meltdown.  I wanted someone to be here with me.  I didn't want to be here alone and lonely any more. I wanted a new partner and I wanted them NOW. If Ray wasn't coming back, and he doesn't not even appear in my dreams, then someone ought to take his place, as my lover, as my partner and perhaps as my husband.  My kids do keep reminding me that as a Christian woman I have to adhere to certain standards, no live-in partner for me it has to be marriage or some…

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Added by only1sue on August 28, 2015 at 2:00am — 1 Comment

Failing

Many times a week someone will tell me how strong I am, how well I'm taking care of my boys or how encouraged they are by me that I have kept going. I smile and say thank you but inside I feel like a complete and utter failure. Am I the only one?



I feel like my family is broken up. I try so hard to stay close to my boys but sometimes I feel like they resent that it's me that's still here. They were so close to their father that I sometimes felt like an outsider and now they are stuck… Continue

Added by breistl on August 19, 2015 at 7:36pm — 7 Comments

How will you cast your stone?

I just finished watching a Today's Show repeat showing Kathy Gifford's tribute to her late husband. She talked about her husband's faith not in religion but in God. She talked about a recent trip to the actual place where a Shepard boy, David had slain the Giant Goliath. She talked about how her husband took stones from that site to keep as mementos. And how as his children graduated from high school and college in that order, he gave them one of the stones. And ask them, how would they cast… Continue

Added by djunclerell on August 17, 2015 at 3:48pm — 3 Comments

Lost

So, here I am 1 year and 6 days since I lost my husband.  I met him online 17 years ago and he lived in NYC and I lived in Canada.  After a year of long distant dating, he asked me to marry him, and I said yes and moved my son and myself to NYC.  We soon moved from there to New Jersey where I still live today.  I feel completely lost because I did not grow up in this country and my family is in Canada.  Oh yes, I get along with his family, but I find lately they have been excluding me from…

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Added by MickeysLove on August 17, 2015 at 10:17am — 1 Comment

Pretending I am "over it".

Do you think I am "over it", do you think because I smile and laugh that I am not dying inside some days? It is nearly three years since Ray died, and am I "over it"? Of course not.  Am I able to play the amiable, funny, happy Sue people expect me to be?  Most of the time. But I can only do it for a while and then it is a relief when I shut the door behind me and don't have to play "let's pretend I am okay" any more.

How do we heal ourselves?  I remember once we had a cat that…

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Added by only1sue on August 12, 2015 at 3:12pm — 5 Comments

Anyone else experience this?

My husband passed away suddenly from asthma on January 5 2015. I don't know if I'm totally  crazy or if it is normal but some days I feel like I'm losing my mind. I make stupid mistakes, forget things, have a hard time talking like I have to stop to think about what I'm trying to say. Sometimes I even have to think about where I'm going when driving and have to try to remember how to get there even though I have been there before. This has never happened to me before I feel stupid and like…

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Added by Jordan Taylor on August 11, 2015 at 9:30pm — 13 Comments

How are you doing? (Head tilt). I'm doing fine...I lied

What changes relationships when you loose your spouse? Couples, singles and family that have been in our lives for decades or since birth seem to think Frankie's death ended my long time relationship with them. I don't get it. When I call them or pass them in an aisle at the market they simply say "how are you doing?". Why do they ask? If they wanted to know they would call me or have invited me to that lunch where the topic was "I wonder how Annie's doing". It is by chance that we meet face to… Continue

Added by Annie H on August 10, 2015 at 5:04pm — 4 Comments

Living alone

I have never lived alone. I am the oldest of four and was sent to boarding school at the age of 12 where I stayed until 18. I always shared a room, first with my sister 18 months younger than I, then in a long dormitory with twenty other girls, then in rooms with two to four room-mates. After I married, I shared beds, closets, cars, space of every kind. Divorced for over three years I had my children every week and on the week-ends when they were away stayed busy with friends and I always knew… Continue

Added by Bonnie on August 9, 2015 at 5:12pm — 8 Comments

When my world exploded . . .

What i wouldn't give to just go back in time forty days. It was just an average night where my husband hang out downstairs playing on the Xbox and i was on my laptop playing The Sims. Probably not the usual things a couple of almost forty-somethings would be doing, but it was us. I would give anything to go back to that. Little did i know that night that my whole world would suffer a drastic change in the predawn hours of the next day. It was right about 4:30am on July 2nd when my world as I…

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Added by Jigawattica (Traci) on August 9, 2015 at 5:00pm — 3 Comments

Shifting gears

Two weeks past the one year anniversary of my husband's death I am still swept away with sudden crying spells but not so often, so I guess that is progress of a sort. I got through the year. I'm not sure how, but I did. I traveled a lot visiting friends and children and grand-children and just getting out of the house, the town, the life where every moment was a reminder of the loss of my best friend and constant support of almost 34 years at least provided distraction if not healing. But… Continue

Added by Bonnie on August 9, 2015 at 9:36am — 4 Comments

It's my space now, now what?

I'm approaching my 3 year mark, October 11th will mark 3 years that my husband has made his transition.  My life has been in whirlwinds since.  So many changes.  I put my house up for sale, I moved me and my 2 daughters into an apartment, we are happy here.  Before we arrived in our new space, so many obstacles had to be moved out of our way.  Unfortunately those obstacles were family members.  My mother had 13 brothers and sisters.  All of them had children, which resulted in me having over…

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Added by djunclerell on August 8, 2015 at 5:32pm — 3 Comments

catching up with those English cousins

I have been away for six weeks catching up with the English cousins, attending a wedding, going on an eight day tour.  All very nice, a little more expensive than even two years ago but that is understandable in the light of the world economy.  It was well worth the time effort and money that went into planning it.  I had a good time not a great time, the weather was almost as cold as the weather I left behind in our Australian winter, the sky was overcast a lot of the time and there was a…

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Added by only1sue on August 8, 2015 at 12:43am — 3 Comments

Well July 28, 2015, came and it went.  It marked the 2nd anniversary of my husband's death.  I sent each of my children texts that morning, letting them know how much I love them, how very proud I am…

Well July 28, 2015, came and it went.  It marked the 2nd anniversary of my husband's death.  I sent each of my children texts that morning, letting them know how much I love them, how very proud I am of them, asking how their hearts were..  I began to start my pity party, when I received a text from my daughter in law and newest grandbabe, asking how I was doing, how very much they love me and sent me a hug.  Thankfully, my pity party never began.  I decided to honor this 2nd anniversary,…

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Added by movingforward on August 4, 2015 at 9:51am — 1 Comment

books

Since I became a widow I keep stumbling across novels where the main character is a widow or widower.  They draw me in and hold me captive because I'm trying to glean a fragment of hope that I'm normal, what I've been doing, thinking, feeling the past few years is what grieving looks like. The fictional characters seem to have it a bit easier and there's usually a happy ending.  Still waiting for that rainbow, but until then I can live vicariously through a well written story.  

When…

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Added by bis4betsy on August 3, 2015 at 8:10pm — 2 Comments

Colors all around me.

After that great opening speech from our leader, Michelle. I think the color symbolizes our choices. Today I chose to wear a brown dress. Still quite dull, but I brought a dress that is brown and turquoise. It's colorful. The brown is not over powerful. There was another dress that was quite colorful, but I felt self-conscious about wearing it. I'm moving into my color. But it's not my favorite color which is pink. It's like a peacock. Lots of colors. There are every where. Colors represent… Continue

Added by djunclerell on August 1, 2015 at 8:34pm — No Comments

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