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Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

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August 2016 Blog Posts (22)

Spring brings a lot of tasks to do

I realise I have been clinging to the past again. It seems to happen from time to time.  The past is a safe place to hide from the worries of the present. I think I have come to this conclusion because I go around with a person who is a great example of this and because of this she really has no joy in the present and no concept of a better future.  I didn't realise that clinging to the past made it…

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Added by only1sue on August 31, 2016 at 4:00am — 2 Comments

My great tragedy ( Five years later)

Come January I will approach the six year anniversary of J.R.s death.  I have been thinking a lot about this lately.  I am not particularly dreading it, just turning it around in my mind, and realizing that it has been the pivotal moment of my life.  I have always said that losing J.R. at 41 is the great tragedy of my life.  The world is so much poorer without him.  I still think of him every day.  I still miss him tremendously and suspect I always will.  I married my best friend and he was…

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Added by jrval on August 30, 2016 at 1:14pm — 4 Comments

My great tragedy ( Five years later)

Come January I will approach the six year anniversary of J.R.s death.  I have been thinking a lot about this lately.  I am not particularly dreading it, just turning it around in my mind, and realizing that it has been the pivotal moment of my life.  I have always said that losing J.R. at 41 is the great tragedy of my life.  The world is so much poorer without him.  I still think of him every day.  I still miss him tremendously and suspect I always will.  I married my best friend and he was…

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Added by jrval on August 30, 2016 at 1:14pm — No Comments

Miss his support

Today was an especially bad, work was hectic and very unfulfilling, doesn't seem to matter how hard you work it doesn't get noticed and the supervisor and his pet stay busy whispering and talking amongst themselves. There are days when I leave work and barely make it to the car before the tears start, just so stressful.  I miss coming home to Dale and sharing my day, he was always so supportive and would always ask who he could choke until his beady little eyes pop out :) aw my honey, there…

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Added by Snowy58 on August 30, 2016 at 5:00am — 2 Comments

If you are going to be here...be HERE

I'm not going to apologize for this. I have a pet peeve. If you want to blog, fine. But I you want to use this site as an "advertisement" for your "other" blog, don't ever expect me to read it.  This site, and the people on it, saved my life. I take offense to those who post here with a "link" to their "other blog".  This is supposed to be a "community" of people who share their pain, challenges, hopes, etc. 

I would say, post here with no "links" or don't post at all.

We don't…

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Added by AEDforever (Ali) on August 29, 2016 at 7:00pm — 7 Comments

Life is...

So, here I am. 4 years and 6 plus months after Paul died. I would be lying if I said I don’t think about him anymore. He flashes through my mind all the time. I hear his voice in the back of my head a lot. But you should know this. Paul and I were only together for less than 3 years. Married just over two years. It is a short time. I don’t ever think about my ex-husband and we were together a lot longer. My friend Fred understood, he told me, “AED, it doesn’t…

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Added by AEDforever (Ali) on August 28, 2016 at 7:37pm — 3 Comments

Walk with us through our journey, don't try to fix us.

Last night I talked to my grandson's Mom and was so comforted by our call, I actually phoned to talk to him and he was out so it gave us time to talk.  She was able to bring out all the details of my husband's illness, his passing and how things were going now in such a way that it wasn't seen by me as intruding, in fact it was very therapeutic.  No one has done this since he left this world and it was such a release to be able to talk about it, the feelings I had, the conversation Dale and…

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Added by Snowy58 on August 28, 2016 at 5:41am — No Comments

Small things matter. The lessons we're not supposed to forget.

This is just a brief post composed on my phone. It's not specifically about widowhood. But it is about lessons learned from it.



I was attending a business conference this week in an industry I've been in for over 4 decades. I have many friends that I've grown up with and I cherish those friendships. One colleague I've known has struggled with health issues the past few years and ultimately cost him his job and career. He has never married and has no children. He attends the… Continue

Added by Widow_erDad on August 27, 2016 at 2:30pm — 3 Comments

Closure & Journey

I have had some really interesting conversations recently regarding the words “closure” and “journey”, so regularly used when discussing the state of my widowed status. I’ve used those exact words myself many times, casually flipped out there like a business card to anyone who is interested. Just for the sake of conversation, I looked up the Merriam-Webster official descriptions of these two heavily over-used nouns:

Closure: a feeling that a bad experience (such as a…

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Added by Pointbass on August 26, 2016 at 8:00am — 4 Comments

From Married to Mutant

I've decided we don't always recover from loss, we mutate. I'm trying to mutate into someone who's better with options and uncertainty. When I tried to put that into action on a solo trip to Carmel, I rushed home. I write about it on my blog here: http://www.thehungoverwidow.com/from-married-to-mutant/

Thanks for listening,
Debbie

Added by The Hungover Widow on August 24, 2016 at 7:41pm — 2 Comments

Asking For Company

I keep almost wanting to reach out. I asked Ry a few weeks ago if Th and I could come over for ice cream, sangrias, and water balloons. It was overridden. So I don't want to say anything else to him, or ask him for anything, or just say, "come spend time with me, please." He's one of the very few people that I don't have to be "on" around, and he'll poke at walls until they come down. I'd like to be around him, but...

It's hard for me to ask for help. I don't like doing it, and it's…

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Added by Medea on August 23, 2016 at 12:00am — No Comments

Keeping Busy

I've been busy around the house. I've cleaned, sorted, and painted. I've hung art. It keeps me busy.

I'm still having problems asking for company and reaching out to people.

I was reading something about how we as a society have made grief something to be hidden away, that it's not something we want to look at.

But that's not it. It's that it was *deliberately* shamed. That someone I loved and trusted said that it's been three days since my dad died and to shut up. No…

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Added by Medea on August 20, 2016 at 8:30am — No Comments

Breaking All of the Rules

As I close in on 3 months since Bunny died it appears that I have broken ALL of the rules.  Especially, you know, the overall Big Rule - Don't make any major decisions:

The Rules:

  1. Don't quit your job
  2. Don't rush into clearing stuff out of your house
  3. Don't start a new relationship
  4. Don't move
  5. Don't make any financial…
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Added by Pointbass on August 20, 2016 at 4:30am — 10 Comments

Why all the guilt when it comes to grief?

Guilt for surviving,

then guilt for being able to survive without him,

guilt for not knowing what happened to him,

guilt for not crying enough,

guilt for crying too much,

guilt for thinking only of him since he left and not of myself or others,

guilt if I get distracted and do not think of him for a few seconds,

guilt for the unkind words that were ever said during our short time together,

guilt for everything it…

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Added by lostwithouthim on August 19, 2016 at 1:46pm — 9 Comments

Having a hard time

It is getting close to the end of summer next change in my life will be our youngest daughter going off to college.  I know she is scared but she will not admit it and myself I am terrified.  Her main worry is leaving me home alone.  I keep telling her I will be fine, she needs to be able to grow as a adult because one day I will be gone too.  Truth is I do not know how I am going to handle being home alone, I went from living at home with my parents and 2 younger sisters to being Mike's…

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Added by lee on August 18, 2016 at 5:04pm — 4 Comments

Another First

August 11, 2016 was a sad day for me.  Sad because this is my first wedding anniversary without Dan’l.  Sad because it’s been over 6 months since he died and went to eternal life with God.  I still miss him terribly and always will, but thanks to the Lord, the pain is not as sharp, not as heavy, not unbearable.

There will be more “firsts” to come – first holidays without him – first birthdays without him – first trip…

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Added by Wondering on August 17, 2016 at 3:39pm — 1 Comment

66 days already...

How can it be that I have not seen or spoke to you in 66 days my love? Everyday I awake with this dark, hollow, emptiness that does not go away. How did I make it through the last two months without you, your love, your touch, your support, your silliness, your kisses, and our happiness? How do I make through today without you?

People keep saying "one day at a time" but I say "one second at a time".

I feel that I am dead inside, but how can I be if I am feeling grief and pain?…

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Added by lostwithouthim on August 16, 2016 at 7:21am — 10 Comments

Colours of my life

I was recently reading a book about the colours in our life and I thought of my friendship as that soft yellow that reminds you of sunshine before the heat of the day, that delicate yellow that reminds you of the light filtered through the trees under which you read a book as a child. Old friendships are that soft sunset pink. I sit with my friends that are closer to ninety than to eighty who I have known for many years and see those sunlit days, the last few months and even years seem to…

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Added by only1sue on August 14, 2016 at 3:30pm — 1 Comment

Sadness comes in waves!!

It has been 3 1/2 years since my Husbands death.   The first year was almost unbearable.   I didn't know that I had that many tears in me!   The second and third years have been better emotionally.   I still get teary eyed but it is not a daily thing.     There are more positive and good days now.   I was watching a movies (love story) yesterday and it was a tear jerker.   Tears were rolling down my face and my thoughts were of my beautiful Husband.   I was full of sadness and felt so…

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Added by lizbeth4 on August 8, 2016 at 5:07pm — 6 Comments

Counting the Days

I no longer say “my wife died (5,6,7,etc) days ago”, now it’s “a few months ago”. And before too long it will be “last year” and then “several years”. When I first realized I was saying “a few months ago” it sounded cold & unfeeling to my ears, as if I didn’t care that much or that her death was somehow much less important now. But that’s not it at all. I think a few things happened that started to change my approach to mourning, and in turn, affected my telling of her passing and my…

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Added by Pointbass on August 5, 2016 at 9:58am — 2 Comments

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