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September 2012 Blog Posts (112)

This thing called hope

All I have is hope

Hope for peace

Hope for a life that has purpose

Hope for companionship

 But my hope is like dry sand,

 it is easily blown away

 and holds no shape

Then I add faith

 and the wind ceases to blow

I can feel the peace

Then I add love

 and hope takes shape

 I can find purpose in life

For I now have companionship on the journey

Thank you Widville…

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Added by Lori on September 30, 2012 at 10:56pm — 4 Comments

Nothing's going to knock this girl down

When I first lost Yuri, the world I knew ceased to exist. I was fragile, disconnected, and lost. My identity was shattered and I was left with these pieces to put together.  I attempted what was routine for me in those early months, in effort to try to remember who I was.  That failed.  I would only then be slapped in the face with the reality that I couldn't live my life as I knew it anymore. I had to change. In the beginning, I was facing all of those secondary losses.  I could no longer…

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Added by jessiejess on September 30, 2012 at 7:30pm — 3 Comments

I want to go home

I am not comfortable here, my friends are trying their best make me feel at home but it seems i am a third wheel. I know i just got here, i shouldn't rush into anything but my heart is heavy. I realize now that if i had stayed north i could still see my friends, not be dependant on anyone for transportation. I was getting stronger, getting use to me. Now i am back to square one. It sucks. It hurts. I should set some money aside for the move back. I dont see myself here too long.

Added by Emy on September 30, 2012 at 8:21am — 8 Comments

These Walls

I sit in this room listening to the rain fall, no other voices, no noise except the country radio station that fades in an out. My mind is racing telling me what I should do but my body makes no moves. I swear I see the walls moving in closer and closer until I could scream. I want out of this box Im buried in. I want to run but nowhere to run to. How do i do this "Starting Over?"I cant breathe so I take a walk. I look at this beautiful earth and wonderful how my life got turned upside down.…

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Added by AuntT (Steph) on September 29, 2012 at 3:30pm — 9 Comments

New Day, New Picture

Well..i did it. I changed my profile picture to just "Me" instead of "Me and Paul".  The reason for this is simple. It is just "me" now. I am still wearing my wedding ring, still feel "married" to my baby, I do not wish to date, but, I felt it was an important step in "moving forward" for me. I think it will help me accept there isn't an "us" anymore. I am not sure what has given me this new found attitude, except the passing of time. And I am certain, that this doesn't mean I'm done…

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Added by AEDforever (Ali) on September 29, 2012 at 2:13pm — 11 Comments

Reawakening

Thank God for my Cousin. I've been crying for days, my thoughts dulled, dumb, and pitiful. I'm in Florida now and, in my mind, not transitioning very well. I go on Facebook and message my cousin...she hit the nail on the head. Before I moved I was adjusting to life without John, the environment was just settling into me knowing that he wasn't there but I had a support group of friends and the church. Now I've moved and that is gone, replaced by the unfamiliar, the unknown. I am GRIEVING again… Continue

Added by Emy on September 29, 2012 at 8:06am — 6 Comments

~~Until Death us do part~~

♥ I have always cherished our rings a true symbol of our love and devotion. I remember the part in our vow 'In sickness & in health' that Ed applies to us during this time in our life. The ICU nurses handed me your wedding ring and at that exacted moment I slipped in on my finger to keep until I can return it to your finger. I love you and miss you my wonderful husband. We have been through a lot 

but this is sure the deepest of all…
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Added by M'LADY on September 28, 2012 at 7:00pm — No Comments

Florida Lady

I'm here. John is here, confirmed in my heart due to two incidences yesterday. One at the parking lot, we spoke of him. My friends telling me that they just wanted to help me. Sudden coldness, a shiver. One of my friends lifts his arms, goosebumps on them. He is crying, "John hugged me." Group hug with tears. Later at the balloon release at the Magic Kingdom the hawk, my symbol of John, was there in flight, accepting the balloon I was hesitant to let go.



My friend Bob confidently… Continue

Added by Emy on September 28, 2012 at 12:47pm — 4 Comments

Happy,KnewYear

          ''If I could save time in a bottle, The first thing that I'd like to do, Is to save everyday,

                               Till Eternity passes away, Just to spend…

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Added by hendrixx2 on September 28, 2012 at 3:30am — 10 Comments

In you O Lord I have found my peace

These are the words to the song my husband is singing.  The YouTube link was sent to me by his dear friend and choir director.  The men's choir was a passion of my husband, Mark.  He loved to sing, loved to share his gift with everyone.  "He had a remarkable voice and he will be truly missed." so many have said.  The words ring in my head and  oh how I'd longed to hear that voice just one more time.  He'd wanted to do a…

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Added by Lori on September 26, 2012 at 5:30pm — 5 Comments

Eleanor..my muse, tell me again my dear

I ran across a quote yesterday from one of my favorite people..Eleanor. She speaks to me like no other, and for me, her words always ring true. A practical down to earth woman, ridiculed for not being "pretty" or "eloquent" enough to be first lady, she had a quiet unwavering strength that I admire, and wish to possess. Here is the quote that struck me, and gave me hope:

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look…

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Added by AEDforever (Ali) on September 26, 2012 at 4:20pm — 8 Comments

When does this ever get better?????

What the Hell is wrong with me??? I thought I was doing better - in fact, I was almost ready to tell people I was doing okay - and all of the sudden for the last 3 weeks life has just been hell bent on putting me in my place. What's that you say? You think you might feel better? TAKE THAT!!! I can't turn a corner without looking for him, I can't sleep, I can't work, I can't study,  I CAN'T BREATHE. I cry so hard my heart starts skipping and I have to stop breathing to see if I'm still alive.…

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Added by rodsgurl09 on September 25, 2012 at 5:45pm — 16 Comments

Resting for the night

I'm a mile from Raleigh, NC and we've called it for the night. Tired, we dragged ourselves to the nearest Holiday Inn Express and booked a room for the night. I know i will not have a problem sleeping.

Friends have surprised me by going to the condo and cleaning it up for me. Along the way I've cried, laughed, and talked to my friend as she was driving...

Oh John how i miss your company. I miss your embrace yet i know you are with me.

Added by Emy on September 25, 2012 at 4:14pm — 3 Comments

Learning

 Although I have had other losses in my life and this being a 2nd time Widow.... Each Journey and Grief has it's on path.

 For awhile I was stuck.. in the pain and loss, of the dreams that were not be. Of the little things I loved so much.. and even of some of the things a wife..complains about. Now I would love to find whiskers in the sink, laundry that didn;t quite make the hamper..Things left in pants pockets..before doing laundry.

 With the help of this site.. I learned I…

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Added by bj628(Bonnie) on September 25, 2012 at 9:17am — 10 Comments

Florida Bound

September 25, 2012, 7:23AM: I am on my way to Florida, in a car headed to a local diner before going South. I am crying, my neighbor in tears. Please let this be uneventful.

Added by Emy on September 25, 2012 at 3:26am — 9 Comments

I Hate the Word Widow

I hate that word.  That one word makes me feel so powerless.  I hate the way people look at me, or the way they talk to me.  You know the head tilt, the sigh, and the "how are you doing?"  However they wouldn't have cared 10 seconds before.  I know it shouldn't bother me as much as it does, but it does.  I want to be normal.  I want people to treat me normal.  Treating me like I'm broken just makes me feel even more broken than I already am.

Widows are portrayed at old women,…

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Added by EverydayMorning (Sam) on September 24, 2012 at 11:57pm — 8 Comments

Illness

Please pray for me.  After months of pain and fatigue and doctors who passed out pain pills and anti-depressants like they were candy, I finally have been diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis.  While I am glad that I finally have a diagnosis, I am afraid.  My sons are grown and gone.  I am alone.  I ask that you give wisdom to the doctors who will treat me and that they find a drug therapy that will give me some relief.

I feel like I'm  being kicked when I'm down.…

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Added by Cyna on September 24, 2012 at 7:41pm — 10 Comments

Memory Quilt COMPLETED!

Oh the tears of joy.  The Quilt is done, it is complete and it is beautiful.  I love it.  I absolutely love it.  And as an added surprise the ladies added a label with his picture on it on the back corner to commemorate the quilt.  I am beside myself.  I am so emotional right now I can barely type but I wanted to put this up.  I added it to Facebook because I just had to share.  I am happy to have this with me.  John, honey, I know you love this.…

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Added by Emy on September 24, 2012 at 1:34pm — 6 Comments

I wish... Lessons learned.

something I wrote to Spence tonight, thought I'd share:

***********************

One thing I wish that I would have been more in tune with when you were alive is what YOU wanted to go and do. If I regret one thing, it is that I never jumped up and got excited about the things that you expressed you wanted to do, or would enjoy doing if we were given the chance.



For example, two things that pop into my head, going to yard sales…

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Added by NikkiPea on September 22, 2012 at 9:05pm — 2 Comments

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