It seems obvious that we are all alone here. We have lost half of who we were, and sometimes it feels like even more. The pain at the beginning of this journey is unreal. The mental, emotional, and even physical pain. With time some of the pain goes away. Sometimes it comes back, it comes in waves. It has been 9 months for me, and I of course have felt alone during that time. Alone every night when I go to bed. Alone trying to raise 2 daughters. Alone with all of the decisions in life. But,…

I am calling the follow poem “Healing Journey”.   It was written by Carole Brody Fleet and I wanted to share it.  If you haven’t read her book “Happily Even After”, I recommend it. 

As your journey forward on your healing journey, remember these words from “Happily Even After…”**

Whatever the path I choose to take on my Healing Journey,

It is my path to choose to take.

My path is unique because I am unique…

Some changes going on in my house requiring me to clean out a closet...Steve's closet.  When it occurs to me , as it has in the past for those in my life who have gone Home, at the end of your life, the material things that mean anything to anybody can fit in a box (or in this case a large Rubbermaid container).  And these things are no longer important to Steve, but hold some meaning or memory to me and someday Madi.  As this thought runs through my head, I…

In the year and some odd days that Dan has been gone, I have had bronchitis, sore throat, a root canal (the worst) and other little things.  I have been able to handle them just fine.  But now, on Thursday, I will be having surgery -- nothing big -- to repair the torn meniscus in my left knee and to "clean up" the Articular cartilage.  It is finally hitting me that Dan won't be here to take care of me.  I have to be totally dependent on my neighbors.  My dog and I will be "moving in" with…

             What is my path?  What is my purpose?  I want to know.  Is it best to wait for God or the Universe to tell me? For years, my purpose was helping Wayne.  And that purpose became increasingly important as Wayne was failing...  Almost like a free fall into the abyss of whatever his true purpose was. And I think through Wayne's illness, he and I both learned to be patient and pro-active at the same time.  And to do our best at helping those who needed our help.  

         …

Been listening to this song over and over this past week. It seems like that happens a lot on this journey. You find a song that speaks to you in a different way than it did before...

When the dream came

I held my breath

with my eyes closed

I went insane,

Like a smoke ring day

When the wind blows

Now I won't be back

till…

I have finally finished my first year as a widow.  I don't know how that is supposed to feel.  It kind of feels like a continuation of last week and the week before.  I don't feel as if I have crossed a line, had a revelation or made some resolutions as you do when you write off another year on New Year's Day.  I just feel as lost and lonely as ever but summer is acoming in and I guess I just have to join with everyone in welcoming the new season and what it brings.

We go onto…

I've been pretty vigilant since Gary died, seemingly always on the watch for things that might make me cry, things that might make me run, things that might make me look a right idiot in public.

I've become been pretty good at being normal on the outside if I do say so myself.…

I've passed the 3 year mark ... sounds like a long time. But it doesn't always feel like a long time. And yet, some days it feels like forever .... I miss him.

When someone asks how long it's been and they hear '3 years' I usually see the…

I have owned a home improvement business for 3 decades now. I suffered a flood that took everything and then after this the loss of my 19 yr old son, my wife of 22 years, and my father, all in a 4 month period at the beginning the day after Thanksgiving 2011. I was deep in debt from carrying my people, and a bad economy. I have made deals with all my vendors to stay open and they all have been so…

I just had to share this invitation with some truly worthy souls! It is so important to self-nurture, and this eCourse is a beautiful way to give that gift to yourself! Please read on for details.

To the tired, the exhausted, the overstretched…here’s an invitation…

What if there really was a way to quiet the chatter in our minds and let us recharge our body & soul?

And what if it was…

John Lennon once said, "The memories we have between us stretch longer than the road ahead of us".  When my husband died, all those memories that we could have shared vanished.  It's a rather strange place to be in, my friends.  One day you are sharing marvelous memories: your children's birthdays, graduations, milestones; even the fight the two of you had over what color to paint the kitchen. In a literal and metaphorical heartbeat, it's gone. Yes, your children and family are still here,…

I have to brag about my kids again.

Actually 2 things.  First is the kiddos were in the newspaper again today talking about organ donation.

 …

I am a bird,laying on the ground, hurt or dazed. My mate is dead beside me.  Many people just walk by me not even noticing me.  Others see me but hurry by. A little boy takes a stick and pokes me.  His mama says leave it alone, and they walk on.  A young man picks me up and tosses me in the air, and says "you're OK, just fly, you'll be fine. Just do it".  I fall back to the ground.  He walks away mumbling, "stupid bird".

A little girl picks me up and takes me to a bunch of grass she…

Trying to handle credit card bills not in my name.  My hair wants to stand on end.  How hard is it to work with someone really?  They are turning it over to their debt collection since he has no estate.  Regardless of the fact payments are still being made.  I hate wading thru the mumbo jumbo of stuff.  Do I want to take on the debt?  Uhhhh no.  Always got to hold out if I have to file bankruptcy.  I am trying to make things work for me and them involved as well.  Oh well I tried.  I can't…

A long time ago, before she passed away, my cousin told me that I "lived under a star".  This comment came several weeks after my wedding day, and that followed, what appeared to my cousin, myself and a lot of people, a lucky and charmed-filled existence.  I was a beautiful, educated, intelligent bride with a handsome husband and the promise of a "perfect" life.  

Both shoes were squarely on my feet and fit well, but then came the first year of my marriage and realizing that I had…

It has been two years since losing my wife and she received her Angel wings. A day has not gone by with out thinking of her. My wife loved her family and if you were a part of her life, you were family. I recall a conversation she and I had as she wanted to ensure the memories were pleasant for my daughter and I. Looking back at the time I didn't understand but now everything she told me every emotion she said I would have has come true. I've begin my final…

I’m the youngest of the three girls in my family, and I admit that I’ve always had the luxury of being a little spoiled. After Jennifer and Megan both left home, I was raised like an only child, and I always felt that my parents put my needs first. Later on, after I married Brian, I discovered…

Please be patient with me.  This is my first blog ever, but I have always had the "writing bug".  Therefore, this entry is un-edited and a bit "freestyle".  

For the past several weeks, I've been waking up to a mixed bag of feelings, which I am sure that many of you share.  My husband passed away in August of 2007, and, after what seemed to me, a long period of grieving, I felt empowered.  I was ready to take on and tackle the world!  I was 46 years old at that time, and we did not…