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September 2016 Blog Posts (18)

Doing it in my own time

It is always good to pass an anniversary date.  I survived Father's Day (first Sunday in September for us) as I went out west and celebrated it with my younger son and he had his daughter for three days including Father's Day so that was good.  Ray's birthday also came and went, I was sad but didn't surrender to those sad feelings.  I am learning not to give in to sadness but to be brisk with myself and just move forward as best I can.  The anniversary of his death I spent with my daughter…

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Added by only1sue on September 24, 2016 at 5:00am — 2 Comments

BLAH UGH

I grew up in a small town, where everyone knew everyone and their mothers, grandmothers, etc.

I loved my town.

school, jobs, houses, met my husband there….but when he died there… I liked my town…

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Added by smit09 on September 20, 2016 at 6:00am — 4 Comments

Three Months

Three months yesterday.

I stayed home from work. Boss totally understood and had no issues. I have the best boss. It's been harder for me over the past few weeks than it had. I think it's that I'm finally done.

Everything has been gone through. I have two boxes that go to his family. Save for the nightmare that has been finding either an estate buyout or auction company to take the remaining things that are currently taking up 2 full rooms and my store room, I'm done. From this…

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Added by Medea on September 17, 2016 at 10:20pm — No Comments

Another Week Down...

I talk to my depression and anxiety. I have to live with them in my head, I can talk to them. That's fair. They moved in without asking.

Depression and anxiety informed me we were staying in bed today. Informed them that we did that yesterday, and we had stuff to do. They told me to die in a fire and laughed maniacally. (Actually, my mental voice for them sounds like Ursula, but I admit to being weird.) I told them to meet Mr. Xanax, and I successfully got up, paid all the bills, went…

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Added by Medea on September 15, 2016 at 6:29pm — 1 Comment

Bringing Along the Family

I just spent an extended weekend with my girlfriend (yes, I’m using the “girlfriend” thing regularly now) at her home down south, sort of a quasi-trial run (trial run 1 of a potential 3) (maybe trial run 1 of a potential 4) (or possibly trial run 1 of a potential 2 … things went very well …) to see how we would actually get along if we were living together. There was never a big doubt that all would be good, but, hey, as we all know, the bouncing ball of widow-dom…

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Added by Pointbass on September 15, 2016 at 6:08am — 3 Comments

Walking The Broken Pattern

Friday, I started on Wellbutrin. It makes me a little muzzy headed about an hour after I take it, though that's starting to clear up. Not sure if it's helping or not, though the effects can take a week or more to kick in, so I guess we'll see, and up the dosage to 3x daily if needed.

This week is going to be trying to find someone, somewhere, who will take the things of Howard's that need to be consigned/liquidated/whatever. And moving them from out of the dining room, at the very…

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Added by Medea on September 12, 2016 at 7:07am — 4 Comments

No longer wanting to do the work of two

I have spent the day working outside on my garden, the weeds have taken over in what has been a wet winter and I needed to spend a few days doing it so today has just started the job.  I am 69 now and starting to feel the age as I spent a lot of time pulling weeds this afternoon and can feel those muscles tightening up.  I love my home but can see the days in it are numbered now and by this time next year I need to have made a decision whether to sell and move.I know there are a lot of older…

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Added by only1sue on September 12, 2016 at 5:00am — 2 Comments

Staying In Is Safer

I tend to write these on the weekends, as that's when I'm at work. Yeah, I know. It's weird. But 12 hours in front of a PC, and frequently nothing has blown up, so it gives me time to write as I keep an eye on the boards.

This was... a hard week.

The estate liquidation sale in not so many words said that there was nothing that was worth their time. They referred me to an auction house, who said that there wasn't anything of a high enough value to be worth the auction time. So…

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Added by Medea on September 9, 2016 at 11:20pm — 1 Comment

Preordered Reminders...

It keeps eating at me that I should write something about a friend's book, FIX.  I've known the author for over a decade now in that odd Internet friendship way.  And I've given away more copies of the first book in the series than I care to contemplate. 

I'll say now that I enjoyed it, and if you haven't read it, you should read the trilogy.  They rock.

It's a bittersweet book for two reasons.  First is that I'm always a bit sad when a trilogy ends.  I'm…

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Added by Medea on September 9, 2016 at 10:47pm — No Comments

My 16th Anniversary

Can we talk for a minute about love?  Real heartbreaking, marvelous, disastrous, powerful love that survives everything, even death and our incredibly fragile yet robustly resilient hearts?  You see I need to talk about it right now and would appreciate the ears and hearts of people that understand.

Tomorrow is my sixteenth anniversary.  On a beautiful September afternoon, in a gracious historic church in…

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Added by jrval on September 9, 2016 at 1:54am — 2 Comments

17 Months.... What I've learned....

I can't believe it's been nearly 17 months since Don died... And guess what? I'm still here. From the outside, I look like I'm doing GREAT... NOT... I feel like I'm in limbo. I can't make decisions. Heck... I need to buy a new mattress and I can't decide on which kind... Do I downsize from my king and go with a queen? I had to buy a new AC... Mine went out... No choice.

I retired almost a year ago. I've had lots of opportunities to do consulting or PT work... But I can't commit... I just… Continue

Added by runm0423 (Micki) on September 8, 2016 at 1:05pm — 2 Comments

IN the Fog of widowed love

Forgive me

I've been in the fog of widowed love

it's a different fog than the first time

it's less rosy

and I've let it be less cozy

Forgive me

I've only been trying to fill the empty spaces

desperately trying, for years

grasping at memories, ancient and faded

repeating the stories, old and jaded

Forgive me

I didn't notice that the empty spaces were…

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Added by smit09 on September 7, 2016 at 4:41am — No Comments

A New Home

Well, I just found a site online that looks like it'll be okay. I apparently get to "count" as a widow there. We couldn't marry, or Howard would have lost his Medicare. It would have affected his disability. But the fact that he was my partner, and we were planning on being together - we just couldn't say, "I do" - is apparently enough. So I'm going to add the old journal entries I wrote so I can post them there on my new blog. We'll see how that goes.

But it's nice to have the…

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Added by Medea on September 5, 2016 at 1:03am — No Comments

Sore and Tired

My arms are *killing* me. I have several boxes of glass and ceramics and dishes and whatnot to go through before Tuesday, but the offsite storage unit is totally empty and closed. Today I'm going to drop all Ji's crap off at her place on her driveway and let her deal with it, and then I never have to deal with her again.

Today is going to be exhausting. I'm already tired. But it's okay. They'll come, they'll take crap away, and it'll be out of my house. And me being tired today means…

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Added by Medea on September 5, 2016 at 1:00am — No Comments

Am I Done Yet?

Tuesday the estate liquidator will be here.

I'd thought it would only be partial, but honestly, even with only a couple days left, I'm fairly certain that I can handle the last few boxes and then have it all gone. Two or three loads away from having storage unit entirely emptied.

I woke up from a nightmare, I don't know if I screamed it, or if it was only in my dream. I was screaming, "I just want it DONE! Can't I be done now? I want my life back!"

Don't get me wrong. I…

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Added by Medea on September 4, 2016 at 12:30am — No Comments

Without your Light

Without Your Light

There is only darkness

Deep, dark sorrow

That is never ending

 …

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Added by lostwithouthim on September 2, 2016 at 10:35am — 4 Comments

Twenty-One Days to...

You know, I thought I was over dreading upcoming anniversaries. Maybe I’m being naïve, but I thought by now that I would have a better handle on myself. Yet I feel this soft gnawing in my stomach…a pit opening before me.

Rick will be gone for three years on the 23rd of this month…and today is the 1st…

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Added by Hornet (Cindy) on September 1, 2016 at 6:52pm — 7 Comments

But I've never been in love like this It's out of my hands ... Garth Brooks

Coming home from work today, I listened to the song Shameless by Garth Brooks, I was blessed to have a husband who felt this way about me and even more blessed that he could sing and sound great, he sang this to me on one of our many online dates and through the years we were together, great memories and my heart fills with love remembering him.

This verse gives you an insight in the kind of man he was, could've been written for him in…

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Added by Snowy58 on September 1, 2016 at 5:03am — 2 Comments

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