October 18, 2011: the day my life as I knew it was forever changed. It was the day of the accident, and although it is not the official day that the doctors declared him dead, for me, it was and will always be that day that I lost my husband, my children's father, and my best friend. There was no chance to say goodbye,…Continue
I am new to blogging so I hope this is alright....
Today is Halloween... it is Ellis' First Halloween. It is also our First Halloween without Chris. Since she is still so young we just stayed home and she wore a little pumpkin onesie (looked adorable!) and had some friends stop by with their kids for candy. Ellis only saw her cousins b/c she was sleeping by 6pm! So at least I didn't have to walk out in the cold or drive to a bunch of places while I feel so sad and depressed when I…Continue
Our heads know life isn't fair. Unfortunately, our hearts still hold out hope that if we do the right things, are kind to people, and give more than we take that life will give us a "Get Out of Suffering Free" card. Oh, how our hearts deceive us!
Sometimes...life is VERY unfair.
VERY, VERY unfair.
And when you're…
How does one deal with the holidays? Does one send cards out? I am not up to wishing any one a Merry Christmas. Not feeling it this year. I don't want to put a tree up just for me. No one is coming in. Will it be more depressing with out a tree. Not looking forward to not getting invited to the Christmas parties. I am sure all of the couples will go. It just feels really weird and I am not sure what to do. Wha are you all doing?
I don't really know how to express my feeling,, All I know is it still hurts so bad...Every day now is the beginning of
the end,, It was exactly this time last year when he began to get so sick,, going to the hospital for the last time on
the 2nd of Nov.. I can never forget that day,,That is why I call it "The beginning of the end" All I wanted was for him
to get better and come home.. But only God had other plans ,, Knowing he had…Continue
''...It's out of our hands, I'm through worrying about it; just put your arms around me every now and then...and don't forget me...'' …Continue
Seriously, been working on the septic. One of those big decisions - should i spend that $400? yup, it's high time, and so it was. Spent a day locating the tank. Then came the digging - this was difficult since the genius who owned our place prior had planted a cedar hedge across the tank. I swore a bit about that, then decided what to do, the next day. So, shoveled all day, undercut part of the rootball so the GUY could get to the door to pump it. The GUY then tells me it is legally…Continue
Thought and prayers to all affected by Hurricane Sandy.
Sandy got me in a funk. Housebound for two days. House and street ok but trains not running and big trees blocking intersections. Will be able to get out tomorrow.I am so glad. Tired of seeing all the couples in Acme and Home Depot before the storm. Tired of salespeople and other strangers asking me why didnt I make 'hubby' come along. Tired of watching couples walk around this cul de sac but too nosy not to look out the…Continue
Yesterday is what would have been my 25th wedding anniversary.
Wow! In my attempt to continue living my life in "positive " mode, I for the most part kept it on the downlow. In the weeks and days coming up to this anniversary, I started to ignore my own advise and I started to get the itch to run, to run from the anxiety and the what could have beens. In the end I am glad I didnt run, because I would have been alone and left to my own devises (which is never a really good thing in…Continue
I live in Rhode Island. We were hit by Sandy.
I have felt a lot of lonely times in the last 6mths since my husband died, but today I felt utterly alone to the core. I had calls from family and friends for me to come to their homes until the storm passed. A married friend asked me to come over and play cards with some other people they invited over. My sister asked me to come stay with her and her husband. Today nothing was going to satisfy my loneliness except to have my husband…Continue
The 29th of each month Greg and I would celebrate our “monthly anniversary” we would put everything aside (or at least try to) and dress up and go to our favorite Mexican restaurant and see a movie afterwards.
Greg really tried to make this day special each month and being the romantic person that he was, I loved it.
Eddie my sweet Eddie sadness creeps up on me as Saturday and Sundays appear to be the hardest in my life as I sit here trying to type tears roll down my face and my heart beating as if I would roll over and die, I 'WON'T' die I won't, but I do wish you were here on this Sunday, I wish I could watch NASCAR sit at the computer and hear the cars zoom around the track. BUT I DON'T. All I hear is this
Added by M'LADY on October 28, 2012 at 10:00am — No Comments
I was in the store and came around the corner only to be in a isle filled with Christmas decorations and gifts. I really don't want to do anything for Christmas no tree, no wraping gifts nada.. Only a few gifts for my son and gift for my young great neices and nephews. Seeing those trees and bulbs hit me like a brick panic and deep sadness hit me.
The santa gig is up for my son who is gong to be 13 but he still wants to do the whole schbang I dont want to see it, deal with…Continue
In spite of preparation for this anniversary, I can not seem to just turn off the awful moments of seeing my beloved expire. I just feel so helpless again and again to pull him back, it is my training, that's what I have been making a living at for decades. That is one aspect of this whole thing, the others you know inside out and that too. This of all places is the most insightful and safe eyot to share the tears and not have…Continue
I was at Disney today, walking around with a friend of mine, when I saw a friend of theirs working. He didnt see me but I sure saw him. I blushed and simply looked at him...I felt like a teenager! I didnt have the guts to say hello but i seemed content just to look at him. My friend noticed and said nothing. When we walked away I mumbled "I dont have a shot with him." With stern face my friend says "oh yes you do. If you set your mind to it." I merely shrugged. I'm overweight, I am…Continue
Wasn't it just yesterday? I know its been 4 years, five months, 5 days, 14 hours and naaaa I could but I won't. No I won't count the minutes, but I feel they count me. I continue daily to move forward and with each day I seem sometimes as if i'm standing still. The last few months have been extremely hard, as i am trying so hard to make a new life for myself and am seriously looking for a place to go and people to socialize with. It seems as if the doors are closed and like…Continue