It seems like so long ago, and then it seems like just yesterday.
Tomorrow will be one year. It will begin with a trip to the cemetery by myself. Then mass with family and close friends. After that we will celebrate his life by going to the pizza joint that we use to go to after volleyball. Then we are sending up prayer lanterns to him. We did the same thing the day after he died and on New Years Eve. I guess it is a tradition now! However this time, I am writing a poem on the…Continue
In my dreams I fall apart. It is all the hurt and anger I cannot allow myself to feel when I am awake. The dreams are strange but mundane at the same time, filled with moments from the day that just passed or the day to come and filled with my unrestrained anguish. In my dreams, I cry and I scream and it is messy and uncontrolled and chaotic.
This past week my counselor wanted me to start a small leaf fire and drink a beer every day, my counselor said and I do quote " I am going to have to explain how I am instructing a patient to start a fire and drink" if you think about it, it is actually funny.
The reason he had me do this was every fall my husband and I would rake up the leaves and then we would basically start a big fire, we have a ton of trees in our yard, and we would always have a beer or two while we kept an…Continue
Added by Aeleice on October 29, 2013 at 5:27pm — No Comments
My Roses 27th October
In all this chaos of longing for my Wes, I have said I am not sure I can go on being this stressed and foggy brained. Being this different person and spending years like this. So about 10 days ago sat and thought about the Widows comments made on this site. The tentative journey in meeting someone else. And should we do so. But it is not a comfortable situation. We still love our beloved . We are bouncing back and forward in our grief from loss to…Continue
Added by my roses on October 27, 2013 at 5:29am — No Comments
My roses October 26th 2013
I was feeling very low today and yesterday evening. So much to do and missing Wes so much. I was still prowling round the house at 2.45 am. So much happening for my widowed friends here and for all of you over in USA and Canada. Decided I had enough. I had to speak out. We are invisible, our needs are not being met. Last week there was a radio program about the wealthy giving money to various projects (like universities) $65 million. So I rang this…Continue
Ok, I had planned on sharing weekly what I was learning but, like most things time got away from me.
I go every Wednesday and the counselor I see is a nice young man, he is an intern, but I accepted this challenge for myself and I am learning so much about myself and about grief.
At first there were a few things Tom would say that would not sound right and to me it seemed as though he just did not get it, well, of course he did not get it, he has never lost a loved one, like…Continue
MY ROSES 23 October 2013
Have you found some special card, note, or other item from your beloved, something that made a difference. That you did not know was there or had forgotten about and you found it perhaps when clearing out a cupboard?
As I have done some clearing in my husband's office there are notes in his filing cabinet, things that were going through his mind. These gave insight into what he felt about himself and what he wanted to do...…Continue
Don't know what is wrong with me, just had a few blue days, no particular reason, just suddenly focussing on the "unworthwhileness" of the single life. I don't want to burden my kids by constantly calling them, don't want to upset my friends by being less than the upbeat person they see me as, you know "the strong one" BUT I do want to feel as if there is some kind of support there and it is okay to ask for help sometimes.
I know I wrote in my last blog that I am not "needy" but I…Continue
I try to tell myself that I don't begrudge anyone getting on with their life. I don't think I do. I get it. I wish I could but I can't.
I need to keep off of Facebook. Everyone posting their stupid silly cartoons, celebrating their Birthday's, Anniversaries (those are the worst), their kids sports and grades and silly things they've said. How annoying their husbands are or the silly thing he said. Do you not remember my husband died? Remember a month ago? When you all sent me those…Continue
We were watching family videos last night. It was 2009, and I was the videographer. Wayne and some others were in the living room. We were on vacation. I was enjoying watching Wayne, and listening to his voice. I love hearing his voice.
I was so happy watching him. Then, Wayne said, "Ok, I have go go now, Bye!" And he went out the door.
I haven't recovered. It's been 24 hours. Of course today is 17 months that Wayne is dead.
Am I losing it? Is this…Continue
A Letter To My Husband...
Hello! Quite a bit has happened since you've been gone, so I thought I would just…
Tomorrow will be 3 weeks that my Billy died suddenly at our son's wedding. Went through the wake two weekends ago, went to our nephew's wedding last weekend, which was very hard for our grown children but they went (they left early but went), got a new grand-son born yesterday. Today is the burial of the cremated remains or whatever they called this box with what is no longer my husband in it. It's in my car trunk, I can't even relate to it as part of him, he's gone and not in…Continue
How i didn't die too is a mystery.
Yet here i am, still breathing,
paying the electric bill...albeit late.
The dreams we had are defunct.
i nurture new ones,
tiny wooden ships on a sea of uncertainty
which my friends patch with Gorilla Glue when they splinter.
Not free, not easy,
but evidently The Way It's Supposed To Be.
i wake in the morning and You're…
My husband of 22 years was killed 1 month ago 9-13-13 when an impatient truck driver peeled out of a driveway to cross 3 lanes of traffic. My husband was killed instantly. He had just that morning donated blood for my total hip replacement 10-1. We met when I was 17. We married on our one year anniversary of our first date. We have a 13 and 17 year old daughters. I'm handicap so I just work perdiem and my occupation is only one to suppliment an income not support a family. Since my husband…Continue
I'm approaching the 5 year sadversary since Kevin died. I knew that this significant amount of time would probably have a great affect on me. I also knew that running my Kickstarter campaign to raise funds to publish our love and loss memoir and having it end on that 5 year sadversary would trigger things. I prepared myself as much as possible by cheering myself on, but I didn't think much beyond that.
Last night I had a date night with NH and I felt myself pushing away…Continue
Christina Rossetti (1830 - 1894) was the sister of Pre-Raphaelite Poet Dante Gabriel Rossetti. I read this poem to Phillip on my birthday every year until this one.
Added by WhereNow? on October 15, 2013 at 8:30pm — No Comments
Hello All. September and October Blues this Fall.
Many of you know what I mean. And is it me or is Fall unusually beautiful this year ?
Well had to try to shake it off because I surprised myself and secured funding for a Grief Conference and Resource
Fair . Sat November 16 11am to 2pm. Every thing is FREE !!! And wrote the proposals in the middle of the night.
Pamela Porter's Grief Conference and Resource…Continue
Added by Drewlady on October 14, 2013 at 7:45pm — No Comments
As I sit here on the 5 month mark today of losing my wife, I have been reflecting on our 21yrs together. Not one time am I saying my marriage was perfect, but for us it was a perfect match.We got married because we were both ready to settle down and raise a family. We loved each other immensely. I remember our first date, I took her out supper and then we went shopping for baby clothes.over the years we grew so close that we could finish each others sentences, and with just a glance we would…Continue