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October 2013 Blog Posts (43)

Nothing about this is easy

Not a day goes by that I don't think about David. He died on March 21, 2013 - 10 months after he was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. He was killed in an automobile accident - just after a positive MRI that showed the cancer cells were dying. Three months of chemotherapy and radiation therapy and all the debilitating results of a very aggressive treatment, finally feeling better and more like himself, only to die of something totally unrelated. During his treatment, and even after it was… Continue

Added by Curleyque on October 13, 2013 at 8:48pm — 2 Comments

My time at the ocean

If I had written this post when I first arrived home last evening, it would have had a different theme.  I was on a super high after spending 4 days in Folly Beach, South Carolina at an ArtBeach Retreat. A beautiful beach house, butterflies, amazing art lessons, sunrises that take your breath away, wonderful women, daily dolphin visits, yoga on the beach,…

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Added by Dianne in Nevada on October 13, 2013 at 8:35pm — 3 Comments

I love this song - and I'm still astonished that I do!

As a native New Englander, my attitude towards anything that sounded vaguely like "country music" was "Turn that off before I do something I'll regret."

 

I have now lived in Atlanta for 7 years and so much has changed that I'm relieved when country music plays instead of the screaming hate/violence "songs" that…

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Added by WhereNow? on October 10, 2013 at 4:52am — No Comments

And, Shakespeare does it yet again - my thoughts and feelings tonight exactly....

I have never read a line of Shakespeare that did not hits its mark dead center;  he knew the range of virtues and vices in the human psyche, and gave us the words to express them.  Tonight, he echoes my discouragement, albeit under different circumstances.  Under the influence of prophesied greatness, and his wife's unbridled enthusiasm,  Macbeth ascends the King's throne by murdering all those who,…

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Added by WhereNow? on October 8, 2013 at 10:43pm — No Comments

I am not "needy"!

I am getting quite annoyed with the concept that a widow is "needy".  A widow is exactly the same person as she was when she was a member of a couple but without the loving support of the one she has lost.  A widow is the same mother, daughter, worker, neighbour, volunteer, go-to person as she was before, she is just no longer a wife or a partner.  She is still "Sue" or "Jill" or "Bridget" she is just not MRS John Smith any more.

I am now 13 months out from Ray's death and I think my…

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Added by only1sue on October 8, 2013 at 7:59pm — 4 Comments

Dark Night of the Soul

I feel like I’m ready to pull the strings.  My mind and heart and soul aches.  Just a moment ago, my daughter drove off because she couldn’t stand the sounds of my sobs.  I felt completely emptied. 

 

For almost 15 years I have had to be the “strong one”.  The first eight years were because my husband was an alcoholic.  The past seven have been because I was the one who was left. 

 

Images of my daughters fighting to maintain our family....one of my daughter…

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Added by KerryJude on October 7, 2013 at 6:01pm — 1 Comment

The Smell of Hockey

Posted 10/7 on my blog, brendaleefree.com

I toured a nice hockey facility in Annville today for my daytime job, and in the locker room, the stench hit me.  Sweat.  Sweaty gear smell.  Hockey stench.  Kevin.

Just a couple of months after Kevin died, I went through his hockey gear bag and the stench flashed me back to another time.  Smell has still been one of the…

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Added by CrazyWidow on October 7, 2013 at 4:50pm — No Comments

Conversation with my Daughter

 My older daughter, Jess told me something profound tonight.

 She said that 8 days before Wayne died, she told him that she wished she'd been a more considerate and caring daughter to him. She told him that Mommy (me) and Amanda (her sister)  were so caring and involved. She told him she wished she had been as involved in his care and in helping him. (It's so significant that Jess would even tell me this. She's the daughter who doesn't say much.)

 I was stunned.  I…

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Added by Patience (Diane) on October 7, 2013 at 4:30pm — 9 Comments

Ugly grief monster

I am trying so hard, really, to make a life without my husband. I joined a grief group, I see a counselor, I take medication. I force myself to go places, do activities, to eat. It is all joyless, but the advice I've been given, time and time again, is to go through the motions at least. Fake it 'til you make it. And so on. But now, I have a really important decision to make, and I would give ANYTHING to be able to talk to Kevin about it. The wave of grief that is consuming me today is the… Continue

Added by Susan on October 7, 2013 at 2:28pm — 1 Comment

Implosion/Explosion

The first two weeks in October are like a sledgehammer to the head. I guess I am still expecting to “get better” and not feel so much and intellectually, I get that it isn’t realistic or possible but I stubbornly want to feel good and light and shed this persona, life, label that I have become. I don’t want to be someone who carries grief, who wears it. It is another layer of skin, of being. It can’t be removed and I want it off. I want Ron back and I don’t want to have lived through the…

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Added by MissingRKK on October 7, 2013 at 9:30am — 5 Comments

Turn...Turn; Turn!

 

“To everything there is a season and a time under heaven.

A time to be born, a time to die…a time to laugh,…

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Added by hendrixx2 on October 6, 2013 at 11:00am — 2 Comments

An odd event.

Sometimes life is very odd.  Disaster can strike out of nowhere.  It is one of the things I have become complacent about since Ray died, after that nothing seemed to make me feel threatened. Now I must be getting back to "normal" as I can certainly feel upset about day-to-day happenings again.

Last Monday I had my three grandchildren stay over as their mother had a specialist's appointment.  Afterwards she came and we all went first to one of their favourite parks with a lots of…

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Added by only1sue on October 6, 2013 at 2:18am — 3 Comments

Trauma, Grief and PTSD

Over the past year I have gone through things pretty much in a semi-haze, but in reality it started even further back than that.

March 26, 2010, is where it all began; my husband was in a motorcycle accident.  What I did not realize at the time was the start of PTSD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, had come at 1:15 am when a deputy called to tell me about the accident. 

Now most clinicians will say the Traumatic incident has to involve you directly but I have learned that they…

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Added by Aeleice on October 5, 2013 at 12:38pm — 2 Comments

Phillip and I Had Many Songs, but This is the One That Haunts Me Most...

           Are You Alright?    (Lucinda Williams)

Added by WhereNow? on October 4, 2013 at 9:23pm — 2 Comments

The Welsh Poet...

Dylan Thomas - on the subject of lost youth and fleeting years...

Fern Hill

Now as I was young and easy under the apple…

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Added by WhereNow? on October 4, 2013 at 8:52pm — No Comments

Or a Poetess

Elizabeth Barrett Browning on the Subject of Undying Love...

From Sonnets from the Portuguese

Sonnet XLIII…

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Added by WhereNow? on October 4, 2013 at 8:43pm — 1 Comment

Would that I were a poet...

William Shakespeare on the Subject of Marriage...

Sonnet CXVI (116)

Let me not to the marriage of true…
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Added by WhereNow? on October 4, 2013 at 8:36pm — 1 Comment

Time To Clear Out Some Belongings?

It's one of the hardest (but can also be one of the most cleansing) things any of us have to do — pack away our loved one's belongings.  

Here is an article from WOW For Now, which gives some great advice on the subject:

How To Declutter And Store Valuable Belongings

If you have any of your own great tips, let us know :-)…

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Added by Lois on October 4, 2013 at 1:52pm — 2 Comments

A dream ... finally

I honestly don't recall the last time I remembered a dream. Before Vern got sick I had vivid dreams and remembered them all. But during the cancer years I didn't sleep much and when I did it was for very short periods of time. He needed me a lot during the nights and I guess I never had enough time to get into that 'dream' sleep.  My body apparently got used to that and it became my routine even after Vern died.



I've envied my widow friends who share amazing…

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Added by Dianne in Nevada on October 4, 2013 at 9:57am — 2 Comments

Robbed and there are no cops to call

Yesterday was the one month mark that Richard went to heaven.  I had a good day considering, smugly thinking I've finally gotten past the point of crying all day long or at the drop of a hat.  Well today not sitting smugly.  I was at work and all of a sudden this overwhelming grief washed over me like a rogue wave.  The rest of the day was spent struggling to get my work done and not fall apart.  A few days ago, I promised to watch my grandson tonight.  Now I am re-thinking that decision.  I…

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Added by Richard'swife on October 3, 2013 at 2:29pm — No Comments

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