Sun Magazine had interview that struck a resonant chord with my writings on loss and grief. “The Geography of Sorrow” the interview is with Francis Weller a psychotherapist specializing in grief and…

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Two weeks ago would have been the time of year Kathy and I would be driving back down from Alberta to Arizona. We were snow birds in reverse. Here in the Valley of the Sun where we lived and I grew up, winters saw almost no change in color among the tree leaves. But driving down the hill............That was where the colors were abundant. Those years were full of color.  Kathy new the change of seasons growing up in a farming community near Calgary. I only knew bloody hot and not so hot.…

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After we are done creating our personal stories, will need to create a section called "The Appendix".  Usually the appendix is a location where reference sheets are added or templates or even samples of work.  But as widows, what will be in our appendix?  I think my appendix may contain sections for every year I've been widowed. I'm only three years out.  So my story would now end with three inserts in my appendix.  

The year one section in my appendix will have would…

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I was just thinking it is so sad that so many things on my bucket list are couples things. We were going to do so much when we retired that even now it is hard to take those things off my list and just settle for things I can do on my own. I want to travel but on the whole cruises, bookings for hotels etc are always priced on the basis of per person twin share.  I know there are singles trips, even singles cabins on cruise ships but sometimes they are more than twice the price of a…

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It feels like people are dying all around me.  And, well, they ARE.  I am 52 years old.  Not old by most standards. Not old enough to count a lot of dearly departed. Yet, I am counting now on the second hand and running out of fingers. 2009: My brother at 49 years old.  2012: My husband at 54 years old.  2013: My mother at 82 years old. 2014: My good friend at (my age) 51 years old.  2015:  OUR friend Fred, at xx years old.…

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Last night I came to a realization , an epiphany if you will about who I have become. I am more than four and a half years now on this grief's journey which is enough time to make such a discovery. I now understand who I am and how I shall be for the rest of my days. I read a post about triggers inside our homes and one persons need to remove them…

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4 years, 8 months, 5 days later

My Hubby left a void that affects every aspect of my being.

Acceptance was rough and very difficult.

My ears eyes mind knew he was gone and would not ever come back.

My heart my spirit my soul would not accept this.

When I lost him it was not only that one day but every day all over again.

Molding and creating this new me that I don't recognize anymore.

First it was learning to live without him and the…

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Sometimes I have a whole heap of stuff on my mind and when I write it all out on paper it all seems so trivial.  I have a roof over my head, food on the table, some money in the bank, although not a lot. I remember my mother telling me that was all you could wish for and I know that is so and I am much better off than so many others.  I also know that is not my problem.  My problem still is I don't know exactly what I want in life and therefore have no way of getting it. I also realise my…

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Yes, I believe I am. And it seems that I realize that at the strangest times. Forgot to set my trash out last night so set my alarm and got up early today --- before day light. I made coffee and turned on the news waiting for it to get light enough to wheel my trash can to the road. There are no street lights out here in the country! The sky was just starting to lighten when I went outside. As I got to the end of my driveway with the trash can, I looked up at the sky. It was a gorgeous pink… Continue

I have not been regular here .Trying to 'live' takes effort and a lot of time.Am I the only one who feels lonesome watching love stories ?

Its near to three years and I miss him .Miss having breakfast together,miss him holding me in bed,miss him because suddenly I seem to have become this available woman .Why do I feel vulnerable that men think I look younger than I am ?Married men think i should be grateful for their advances .

I feel frustrated that this is my life and I am… Continue

I am still rebuilding my life after losing my husband. But it's so different without him. We were together 33 years. I feel like a completely different person, left alone.



Each year since his death in 2007 brought some healing. At first I went on because I kept waking up. The sun got up, so I did, too, but I was still in shock. Then I decided I had to go on because I had two daughters, both young adults. They had lost their dad. They needed me. Later I just put one foot in front of… Continue

The first week of  October. Again. Four years later.  I wake up and my chest hurts, aches. The real manifestation of heartache. It takes me a while to figure it out. At first I just think that I am lonely and don’t want to go to a social event in my town, alone, without Ron, again.  And while that is true ,the heartache is bigger than that.  I have been powering through, soldiering it on, sucking it up, crawling my way through social events for a long time. It’s been a while since grief held…

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